I'm completely broken into bits and pieces. I lost my Mum 6 weeks ago 11th August 2021 to Ovarian Caner (secondary in the Lung) Mum had moved into palliative stage and the doctor had given her 12 months in June of this year..... so we had hoped to travel out for Christmas to spend some precious time with our amazing Mum and Nana. I feel so guilty that my children did not get a chance to say their goodbyes to their Nana. ...with covid restrictions and quarantine we decided not to travel this past summer holiday .....turns out we should have!
We should have gone in July as soon as school holidays started because 3 weeks later Mum was gone and we travelled out anyway to honour Mum, see Dad and have memorial service. I know she didn't want us to be gathered in her last days whilst she struggled so badly to breathe. She wanted happy memories - ones of her gardening and cooking marmalade jam or a giant family roast. She was truly the glue of the family. A great communicator supporter of all of us. Now that has been ripped from us. I am really struggling. She deteriorated so quickly in a matter of days...
I called her everyday if not twice a day on video call - to make up for the distance - I miss her so much it physically hurts. We had the most amazingly close Mother daughter relationship - one that some people don't have - it makes the pain even worse/unbearable some days. I find my husband is supportive and loving but he doesn't fully grasp or comprehend my pain. He loves his Mum - but only talks to her maybe once or twice a month.... so I would say not as emotionally linked and close and I feel he doesn't really understand. I guess he can't.
My question is: how do we continue with everyday life shopping housekeeping gardening cleaning when we are utterly in bits on the inside? I feel like I'm trying to put my best foot forward but I'm wobbling ...I'm disabled by grief ...frozen sometimes. My biggest fan, confidant, best friend and only person who would listen to me whole-heartedly without an ounce of judgement has gone with the wind. Simply no longer in my life and I am struggling to come to terms with that. My biggest supporter in my life. I now have to continue on my journey without her.
The pain is so deep. I hope to find members here who I can chat too and more importantly relate to....
Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that you lost your mum recently and I can understand your need to talk to others who can relate.
As the online community is divided up into different support groups I'm going to recommend that you join the bereaved family and friends group where you can share your feelings and get support.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'. To save you typing all this out again you could copy and paste it into the new post.
If you have any difficulty navigating the community just drop me a reply and I'll be pleased to help.
x
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
