Hi. I'm new to the community. My Amazing 84 year old Dad has fought bladder cancer since 2009 and been in remission 3 times. However, he's now terminal. It's spread to his liver and he's also got pleural effusion. It's affecting his breathing and his eating so much. He's gone downhill rapidly in the last few weeks and it feels like we've not got long with him.
I'm just all over the place. I feel angry, I feel grief, I'm feeling stressed because of trying to get everything organised for them.
We're trying to get everything in place so he's being looked after properly at home. My 81 year old Mum had a heart 3 weeks ago. She had been his primary carer up until that point, helping him mainly with washing and dressing and also doing all the shopping, cooking and cleaning and laundry. The heart attack was a message that it was too much.
Whilst she was in hospital, we got some emergency care organised to come and help dad in a morning that would transition to permanent care. However, that stopped when he was readmitted a week or so ago. Now he's come home again, we're having trouble getting it restarted and he's not been able to shower since he came home. Mum is giving him a strip wash, but it's too much for her and it's risking her health. It's just not good enough.
I'm just so angry and frustrated. And I'm grieving. I can't imagine a life without my Dad here. I don't want to.
So I'm having a bad day. I'm trying to contact my parent's GP as Dad needs some meds that the hospital prescribed (only a few days left of them) and some liquid food prescribing. They are horrendous though and I can't even get into a queue on the phone system. I'm struggling to know where to turn to be honest. I'm also trying to work around all of this too. I'm self-employed and if I don't work, I don't earn. I'm the primary earner in my household. I'm also disabled - fibromyalgia and long covid - and have a few other things going on. All of this is causing a flare and I'm in so much pain right now as well as barely being able to stand/walk, the only help I can be is to make phone calls.
If you've read this, thank you.
Hi and welcome to the online community. I'm so sorry to read of your dad's deterioration and the lack of help offered when you need it most. I find when we're in a crisis it seems things spiral out of control.
I'm going to suggest for emotional help you join our Supporting someone with incurable cancer so you'll be able to chat with others in the same situation.
For practical help I think the best thing would be to call the Macmillan Support helpline- number listed below.
Sending you and your family hugs, B xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
