2nd time round

Hi

i joined this group in 2014 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and found it so helpful

i have just been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer which has affected my muscle in chest wall, front and back, right arm and possibly right lung.

im in a very weird place. My initial breast cancer I handled dismally and hit the bottle. I have not touched alchohol for 3 years now, even after this diagnosis. I think I’m dealing with it ok  but when I let my head think too much I go into a very dark place so I’m avoiding that at all costs. I’m 56 and just have my first grandchild who I adore( she is 3 months) but I get feelings of terror and anxiety  when I think of not seeing her growing up. My husband, family and friends keep telling me to stay positive, which I do most of the time and I paint on a happy face but the fact that I know this isn’t going away and I have to find a new normal terrifies me. I’m also off work at moment as I have very little use in my right arm which frustrates me so much, there’s only so many books to read. I don’t think of timelines if possible but the fact that I know there is one makes me weepy. I’m looking forward to connecting with everyone who knows what it’s like to be going through this xxx