Husband newly diagnosed

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Hello, and thank you.  

My husband has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, almost two weeks ago.  He’s today had what (we hope, but have yet to be told) will be the last test before a full diagnosis, prognosis and treatment plan.  I know from reading other threads that is a very difficult time - it’s been awful, and I feel like screaming but have to keep a lid on it for his sake.  If I fall apart, he will, so I’m trying to be as normal and positive as I can.  He’s quite calm at the moment, but last night, ahead of today’s contrast scan, which he insisted on driving himself to, he was very low.  We’re both preparing for the news to be very bad, as it seems from the initial colonoscopy and talk with the consultant immediately afterwards, that the mass may have been there for a while, but he only began symptoms a couple of months ago - a telephone consultation with the GP suggested constipation/ piles and lactulose was prescribed.  Thankfully another GP at the practice called him in, after seeing unrelated blood test results (he’s diabetic) and examined him, then referred him for the colonoscopy.  He’s also had an MRI, so is it likely, from your experiences, that the 3 assessing tests he’s had, will be enough for the MDT to report?  We need to know where we are as, so far, only he and I know as he wants to have the full picture before telling our children, family and friends.  I think it’ll be easier when we know, and can let others know as the strain of not saying anything, not being able to commit to plans and just not knowing, is dreadful 

Sorry for the essay - I think I’m venting!  Grateful for any knowledge or experience and we ARE staying off Google!  Thank you 

  • Hi  and welcome to the Online Community but sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about husbands diagnosis.

    These early days before a plan is put in place are hard but it is very important to get this all this done correctly so this can move on and get into treatment and allow you to get this out so folks can support you and the family.

    A cancer diagnosis like this in the family can be very challenging but you may find talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer journey will help you navigate this difficult time so can I recommend you join our supportive Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer group as this will be a good place to connect with patients and family on the same cancer treatment pathway.

    To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.

    You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'. 

    When it comes to the practical challenges of supporting someone you may benefit from talking with others caring for family and friends so do check out our Family and friends and Carers only groups where you will connect with others supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.

    It’s always good to talk so do call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    We also have Cancer Nurse Team in our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

    To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers check our Online Information and Support Section

    All the very best ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thank you so much for your response  Mike - I’ll post on the appropriate board now, but thought I should come here first!  I’m grateful for the suggestion of talking to the support services and likely will later, but I’m on the verge of tears/meltdown at the moment and doubt I’d make much sense.  I know it will be easier once we have the full picture but I’m finding it hard to imagine anything but the worst, just now.  I’m a very independent and practical person - people come to me with their problems and to help with solutions - but I’m feeling quite useless and powerless, which I hate.  Grateful for your pointers and will look further.  Thanks again x

  • I also am a control person but once cancer comes along that is partially removed but we can try and control the battle between the ears.

    I have been on my journey with my type of incurable blood cancer for over 22 years. Late 2013 I was given a few years if the ‘plan’ did not work...... fast forward to Sep 2016 I was told full metabolic remission (no cure remember) and was in remission.... this was even more amazing as in 1999 I was told I would never hear the word remission that actually meant more than a few months...... I always say there is always hope until there is none (hit my community name for my story)

    As for calling the support team and breaking down - that is what they are there for, just make sure you have some tissues ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thanks again, your story is so inspirational and uplifting, I’m so happy you’re where you are now.  Wishing you all the best x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Montana

    So sorry for your news. 

    Being in limbo and waiting for what happens next is the hardest part I think. I honestly feel it is harder for the loved ones than the patient.

    I had stage 3 bowel cancer in 2017, which resulted in an operation and 6 months of Chemo.

    I hope that its positive news for his treatment. I’m happy to share my experiences if that helps in any way

  • Thank you Ray.   I’m so pleased you’re doing well and hope that continues.   Grateful for your input and support.  Hopefully some resolution this week x