Hi
My mum was told she has Bile Duck Cancer stage 4 in December. It has spread to the liver and the abdominal. I have been told the survival rate it 6 to 12 mths. My mum is in denial and she will not speak about it at all. I am finding this very hard to cope with. She is refusing to have chemo i just dont know what to do. I told my friends but they seem to have vanished, they havent rang me, they try to avoid me. I dont want to talk about it all the time but i feel so a lone. Is it just me or do other people feel the same?
Hi and warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis and the ongoing challenges the family is facing.
A cancer diagnosis like this in the family brings many questions, confusion and lots of stress but talking with others who are walking the same type of cancer journey will help you navigate this challenging time.
The Community is organised into support groups and I see you have joined our Bile duct cancer group as this may be a good place to connect with families navigating the same type of issues.
To go to the group just click on the link above then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones), you could just copy and paste the text from this your first post. You can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.
Talking with others caring for family will help a lot so do check out our
supporting someone with incurable cancer group
groups as you will connect with others walking the same journey supporting family and friends through their cancer journey.
It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.
All the very best
Ziggycat I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I completely understand how you feel. My Dads Bile Duct Cancer came back in September 2020 after being cancer free for a year. It was gone to his liver and abdominal also. He was diagnosed as stage 5 and we lost him last month. To be honest there is no easy way of coping with a parent with Cancer. It consumed most of my thoughts from the minute he was diagnosed , all through being cancer free until the day he passed. I felt as if my life had stopped in that moment and in someways i still do as i am grieving.
Your Mother has probably been offered to speak to a psychologist? My Dad went to one in the hospital but he didnt really find it very helpful. It must be very hard for you and your Mother especially with covid affecting everything.
Have the given an indication of how much more time the chemo will give your Mother? In my Dads case it gave him maybe two months more than he would have had but in that time he had a stroke from the treatment and ended up in hospital for a precious month he didnt have to waste and we couldnt even visit him. Sometimes its a double edged sword 
Lastly, please understand that you are not alone in this. Your friends maybe dont know what to say to make you feel better when really all you want is for them to listen. I dont think anyone can understand until they go through it. Please feel free to talk to me any time you wish. You will go through so many emotions from hope to despair on a daily basis. I found in my case everything would annoy me, simple things like people moaning about the lockdown when I had so much bigger things to worry about. The stress of carrying around the weight of my situation, continuing to work as normal when i just wanted to be with my Dad , every day life is so much harder when this is going on. Take care of your Mother but also its important to take time for yourself too. You cant be any help to her if you are burnt out yourself xx
