Checkin in, as invited by email :)

FormerMember over 4 years ago

1 reply
24 subscribers
307 views

Hi friends,just submitting a current brain-dump while the moment's hot.

I hope you and your family and friends are well and happy, as much as possible.

I started claiming UC last year after my full time job dumped me, following 3 months of furlough, around July last year. Since then, I've been building up my self employed gardening & handyman work.

I've also been getting bladder cancer treatment for the last few months, which has been extremely taxing mentally and emotionally, but I keep going by staying active with the gardening, even though it's patchy and doesn't pay a lot.

My UC work coaches have so far been very supporting and understanding of my situation; I just submit my monthly income/outgoings figures, and they seem to make sure I've got around £800 a month to live on, which is very little once the rent and bills are paid.

My question is, how sustainable is this likely to be before they force me to find something inappropriate just to get me off their books? I do not know how long I'll be on such a low income, it's exhausting trying to make more money than I can manage to, and stress is known to be a factor that can contribute to further cancer proliferation.

My head's currently screaming with agony, fear, insecurity, and pointlessness. Got a phonecall coming in from Universal Credit this afternoon, which puts you on your back foot for a start. Economically, since being laid off from a tolerable full time job after furlough last June, I've been building up my little gardening business and starting to get a few more customers, but nothing like enough to cover my basic living costs, so UC could pull the rug from under me any time they feel like it, or force me into any unsuitable work they like. Also been having bladder cancer treatment, which is no f'ing picnic, and who knows if it's gone or not yet. I'm ok with dying any time, but I still have powerful feelings of connection to my daughter and wider family & friends. I just feel like a worthless piece of meat in an uncaring and out-of-control machine, that's there to be kicked around by market forces. I used to be a very capable electronics design engineer, but there's no call for that skill set anywhere near me these days. I'd do it from home if I could find an ethical employer who'd entertain it. All I want is a quiet life and not to have to bang my begging bowl just to keep still. I love helping others very much, but I don't know who cares. I have a lifelong learning difficulty where I can't keep a grasp on my own self worth for long enough to break through and overcome many problems, assuming they're worth doing. Hooray for meditation at least.

I'll be phoning the helpline shortly; just wanted to offload this here. Sorry if it's a miserable read, I'm usually very chirpy and helpful with others' challenges. Just taking a turn the other way around for now.

Wishing you all peace, health and happiness.

Thehighlander over 4 years ago

Hi and warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community although sorry that you had to find us and especially sorry to hear about your bladder cancer diagnosis and ongoing challenges.

A cancer diagnosis brings many questions, much confusion and lots of stress but talking with others who are walking the same type of journey will help you navigate this challenging time.

The Community is organised into dedicated support groups so can I recommend you join our supportive Bladder cancer group, this will be a good place to connect with patients and families navigating the same type of cancer journey.

To join a group just click on the link above then choose 'click to join' or 'join' (depending on the device you're using) on the page that opens.

You can then introduce yourself by putting up a ‘New Thread’ or hit the box with the X on the top right (phones) and you can also join in with existing ‘Discussions’ by clicking on 'reply'.

It’s always good to talk and the Macmillan Support Services provides lots of information, support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two working days for replies from our expert team.

To find information covering diagnosis, treatments and pages covering most types of cancers can be found on our Online Information and Support Section.

All the very best

Mike (Thehighlander)

It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

My cancer story