Am I ill or depressed? Do I care?

Skj01 29 days ago

65 replies
25 subscribers
2022 views

I've been on this forum for a few weeks and I have dropped off most of the threads. I try to be engaged but I'm finding it difficult.

Treatment started 8weeks and my life has been a mess. I haven't had a full week at work and I hate it. When I am at work it takes me ages to get focused. Side effects have been horrendous. To date I have lost 10kg. I've had chemo stopped for a cycle and I am still suffering. My kidneys have been under performing and I've numerous IV infusions. I can't take oral minerals as it creates digestive issues. My sense of smell is heightened so I can taste the cleansers and lotions that have been used elsewhere on my body, resulting in nausea and going off food. Cornflakes are my friend. I've had meds to counter act meds that make me feel sick but causes other issues. I somehow managed to get a lung infection, which the docs are attributing my breathlessness. 5 days after the last antibiotic I've still got it.

So I called the Emergency Oncology unit this morning and it took 45 mins for someone to answer and when I raised this I got told that the team were going through a handover. I have to ask is this an acceptable response?

My tumors are growing and nobody gives a crap and I am sick of it all. Im getting to a point I want give it all up.

Hate my life!!!!!

eddiel 17 days ago in reply to Skj01

Hi Sledge, I'm so sorry to hear this, and for not replying sooner, and understand this would hit you hard my friend, I will have everything crossed your latest CT scan brings a little good news, and your only on the first treatment, there are more tools in the toolbox my friend, ours is a difficult journey sweetheart, and knock backs are to be expected, but we can, and do adjust, so do whatever you must to get through this latest bump in the road, and with the support of your wonderful husband and family, you tell this awful disease your not going to lie down for it.

love Eddie and Sheila xx

Skj01 16 days ago in reply to eddiel

Hi Eddie

Thanks for the quick note and don't worry about replying sooner. When I am down most of the time I just need a rant and it makes me feel better. Fortunately although I battle my way through most of the day to day stuff I do accept I am all right accepting the negative stuff too and I just have to roll with it. Helping to articulate it here helps me get through it too.

The good news is I get experience of another treatment and my new doc is on the ball to work with me and regular reviews and checks to make my Life more normal. The other aspect is he doesn't lie (by ommission) to me either.

Side effects after yesterday's new treatment is not too bad so far, but I am still working and taking rest when I need it. All positives for now.

I still love the Hare!

Sending my love to you and Sheila

Sledge xx

eddiel 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Hi Sledge you rant away, and if you want to rant at somebody, I'm here for you, to be your verbal punchbag.

I'm also amazed you can carry on working my friend, your one impressive lady.

Its so good your new oncologist is fully behind you, knowing that, and the trust you build is so important,your new treatment is tough on the cancer, but not so much on you, and I'm glad you like the hare, but your not having it lol, best wishes my friend.

love Eddie and Sheila xx

Skj01 15 days ago

Well I've finally done it and I am gutted!!

Today I've taken my name of my car insurance, off my husband's car, surrendered my driving license after 25yrs to the DVLA.

Likelihood is that I am done with driving for the rest of my life unless I can get rid of brain mets . You never know.

I've still got more paperwork but never quite so painful.

Sledge x

Gilpat 15 days ago in reply to Skj01

No, you never know, treatments are evolving constantly plus you are one very determined lady. It's not nice having to give up something you like doing but there is loads left for you to keep enjoying ot maybe even new things to discover?

Patrick xx

Skj01 15 days ago in reply to Gilpat

Hi Patrick

Thanks for your words. I do have hobbies lined up and I know treatments progress, so there's always a chance. Whether I work or not this is a forum of friends who inspire me to keep going and keep my options open. You never know what positives around the corner.

Love

Sledge x

eddiel 15 days ago in reply to Skj01

Awww Sledge, I'm so sorry to hear this, but never say never my friend, and having been in healthcare for 15 years, many in cancer/palliative care, the evolution of therapies and drugs since retirement just 4 years ago been amazing, and as someone who loves studying, I believe that evolution is accelerating, and good to hear you have activities in mind, and as someone who wasn't looking forward to retirement, I'm glad I did.

love Eddie and Sheila xx

Stella2020 15 days ago in reply to Skj01

It must be very hard to give up your driving license and the freedom with it. My husband Craig, he does not drive and hate being in the car. He does not have any problems at all. It is cheaper to get a taxi than maintain a car for him. He uses uber, and public transport all the time.

It will take time to adjust to the new way but with time you will do it. X

tvman 14 days ago in reply to Stella2020

Hi Stella, I'm in total agreement with you Stella, it's so difficult to give up driving. Mrs Tvman hasn't driven since her diagnosis just over 2 years ago although she says she'll start again soon. When working, I have driven over 1,000,000 miles. About 4 years ago I had a slight stroke and the consultant told me straight that I had to not drive for a month and that was difficult but I managed it.

Love life and family.

eddiel 14 days ago in reply to Skj01

Morning Sledge, I forgot to mention, I gave up driving from Jan 1st 2018 to June 2023, following a difficult episode with my heart, and the need to improve my fitness, and there were a couple of things I missed not having my own car, but i got used to it, and did have family when needed, and if things had been different, maybe I still wouldn't be driving.PS, my friend are you eligible for PIP.

love Eddie xx