Am I ill or depressed? Do I care?

Skj01 28 days ago

65 replies
25 subscribers
2012 views

I've been on this forum for a few weeks and I have dropped off most of the threads. I try to be engaged but I'm finding it difficult.

Treatment started 8weeks and my life has been a mess. I haven't had a full week at work and I hate it. When I am at work it takes me ages to get focused. Side effects have been horrendous. To date I have lost 10kg. I've had chemo stopped for a cycle and I am still suffering. My kidneys have been under performing and I've numerous IV infusions. I can't take oral minerals as it creates digestive issues. My sense of smell is heightened so I can taste the cleansers and lotions that have been used elsewhere on my body, resulting in nausea and going off food. Cornflakes are my friend. I've had meds to counter act meds that make me feel sick but causes other issues. I somehow managed to get a lung infection, which the docs are attributing my breathlessness. 5 days after the last antibiotic I've still got it.

So I called the Emergency Oncology unit this morning and it took 45 mins for someone to answer and when I raised this I got told that the team were going through a handover. I have to ask is this an acceptable response?

My tumors are growing and nobody gives a crap and I am sick of it all. Im getting to a point I want give it all up.

Hate my life!!!!!

Coddfish 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Oh Sledge, I am so sorry to hear you have received the sort of update you didn’t want on your cancer. Do let those tears slide, sometimes there’s just nothing else you can do but give into all the grief. I hope they can find something to stabilise you and also reduce your stomach / appetite issues. Thinking of you.

Leelaloo 16 days ago in reply to Coddfish

I am so sorry Sledge. It really is a shit disease. Are you starting the enhurtu today, I am hoping that this works for you. Sending you lovexxxxx

Lee 2 xxx

tvman 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Oh Sledge, that is an awful read, I wish I could find words to say how I feel. I'm devastated for you of course but maybe when the dust settles you can find solace from someone or somewhere.

Lots of hugs, Tvman x

Love life and family.

Skj01 16 days ago in reply to Leelaloo

Hi Lee

Yes I am starting the Enhertu today. Me too.

Thanks

Sledge x

Skj01 16 days ago in reply to tvman

Thanks TVman

Appreciate the thoughts.

Most of the time I'm ok, but since the steroids my emotions run away from me and I don't like it, but happy to vent as it makes me feel better.

My husband is always there when I need him, but most of the time I don't. He feels the devastation more and more often than I do, but I love him for being there when I do need him and giving me the space when I don't.

Talking here also helps too!

Thanks again!

Sledge x

Gilpat 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Hi Sledge, your post made me sad. You adjust to the new normal and something else comes along and torpedoes it - it is so cruel and unpredictable. I hope your new treatment will soon give you new hope, stability and peace of mind.

Patrick xx

L1964 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Hopefully crying has helped to release some emotion . I cry every day (sometimes more than once !) but have realised it helps so just let it happen

Your team sound efficient and have reacted quickly by the sounds of things which is good to hear

Focus on the next step without looking up at the whole staircase

Lucy xxx

Skj01 16 days ago in reply to Gilpat

Thanks Patrick.

Didn't mean to make anyone sad. Sometimes you guys make me feel like family/friends and others don't always get it.

Sledge x

Skj01 16 days ago in reply to L1964

Thanks Lucy.

Crying did help. It settled late morning and I got back in the flow.

Treatment went ok so far. Hopefully I'll be going home soon. Will sit in the sun waiting for my pickup soon. Warmth will put a smile on my face.

Team is working great but does need an occasional stick to get things moving

Sledge x

Stella2020 16 days ago in reply to Skj01

Hi Sledge

I am so so sorry about your news. Cancer is such an evil and cruel condition. I am glad that you have started the new treatments. Hope you are coping with it OK and it will hit the cancer cells hard.

Be kind to yourself and take care x