I have cancer, I’m not a damn saint

Hi TheGoodLifeNZ, now that's what I call a good rant, people are funny in their attitude to someone with cancer, some think they will upset you so they ignore it.

Others think they no best and give you useless advice, like think positive and everything will be ok.

Reality is only you know how you feel both physically and mentally and what you do about it is always your decision.

You say you don't want to upset anyone, I get through this by being open and honest about my feelings and ask them to help me find my way through this cancer.

I had an episode similar to this a couple days ago- I admitted to my friends I felt left out and sad - I have been ghosted by people I knew and I also feel sometimes I am left out by others unintentionally. I was in tears, one said; everyone had issues and I was acting aggressive. Maybe I was. But the brave face I try to wear every day, just doesn't always work. I'm human and I feel vulnerable and weak, sad every day. I did feel she was being insensitive. Until you face this incurable verdict and diagnosis, I'm not sure you will ever really understand. Someone else entered the room and we changed the subject. I still feel hurt but what's the use of hanging on to it.

I guess I'm trying to remember she is one of my best friends and does love me and has stood by me through many health issues. 

Anyway I hope today will be sunnier for you, sending hugs x

Hi, that's a good rant and I think at some Point we all have been through the same feelings and situations. I'm on Nivolumab immunotherapy and have been doing good on it so theyleft me on it. In 2019 I was given 12 to 18 months well I'm still here 2024. I get some fatigue  and down days so I rest. Some people have been awful insensitive  yes it does hurt , been ghosted as well, that's cancer for you. As Ulls has said some people don't know what to say or are just scared of cancer. Nothing we can do about them,  I give them and people who over do the sympathy, a wide birth its annoys me. Keep posting and be kind to your self.  Chat soon. XX

Moi

Hi Guilia, It's good to hear from you again and ranting too, there's a good way of letting off steam, Like the guys say, friends can mean well and have good intentions, but they can never understand what it means to be us, we are always having to adapt to our ever changing circumstances, we will never be the person we were yesterday. Trying to live a normal life is what we all want, but how many of us can say we are truly normal, not me, my treatment stops all testosterone production, i have been through the male menopause, my middle has expanded, i have man boobs, cry at the stupidest things, my emotions are through the roof, "I actually like this", and I am still impacted by fatigue a year on. but finding exercise is helping me through it, back to friends I've grown a thick skin, not literally, some have surprised me, others i am happy to lose, I never initiate talk about cancer but try to be as honest and open as possible. All my family are on board with how I wish to be treated, eventually, have lost quite a few friends but no one really close and my friends from my years in healthcare have been amazing, they know when I'm on a downer and will help me through it, and when I am my "normal" self will happily take the piss out of me which is fab. take care.

Eddie xx

A good Rant I feel. I have felt the same if I have spoken about tiredness, painful feet & hands, not being able to do things I did before diagnosis due to muscle wastage etc family friends hit back with “ you are alive”, be Positive” or I feel people treat me differently that again upsets me. I do understand it is hard for them but I am living with the diagnosis. I have always been open & honest with everything, Some people get it others treat me with kid gloves still or others avoid me. 

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the messages and support. This is such a challenging issue and I do understand that its challenging for everyone not just me. Needed the rant though! This is such a great space and I'm so grateful to have this space to be able to let off steam.

Kia Kaha all

XXG

Hi Eddie, I had a laugh at your reply as my husband Roger (who incidentally is being amazing) had a diagnosis of aggressive prostate cancer in late 2019. His treatment was radiation and hormone therapy and how we would laugh at his changing shape and experience of the manopause. I used to tease him about staying out of my underwear drawer for his very impressive man boobs ! He's been clear now for about 18 months and has slowly regained his former figure and strength through being active. He is my inspiration as he just got on with it and didn't give up.

All the best XX

Hi, Guilia, your husband sounds amazing and great to hear he's doing so well after cancer treatment, looks like you have the perfect partner to support you through yours. Having man boobs has led to many funny moments and teasing, It's just a shame their not as sensitive as the girls are, I did once think of getting a training bra but settled for braces to flatten them. Guilia did hubby manage to lose his man boobs. take care,

Eddie xx

Hi TheGoodLifeNZ 

I hope you feel better for your rant. It does us good to say how we feel to others that understand. I deal with insensitive comments by not expecting very much from people that don't understand and basically don't want to understand. Or have been told exactly what my prognosis is but prefer to think otherwise. Some people are over the moon that my CT results were stable but then look bored or confused if I mention cancer related daily life and events, as if...... "Are you still bleating on about this, why can't you get on with your life and let it go". Some people expect to be kept informed but wouldn't make the effort to come and see me or ring for a chat. Think I've joined in with the rant!

I try not to dwell on these aggravating occurrences by concentrating on myself, looking after myself and improving my knowledge, rebuilding my confidence and assertiveness by making sure that my boundaries are in place and are high. Cancer has taught me to stop putting myself last. 

A x

Yes, boundaries. That’s one of the odd silver linings to this diagnosis, that after a lifetime of putting others first and being easy-going, finally the person that’s first is me! Great advice not to dwell on it, just get on with looking after my well-being, happiness and consolidating my sense of agency by doing so. 
Xx