DEATH

Hi Kate, I'll have a look for the book you recommend. I've read quit a bit about assisted dying and watched a few debates on the subject. I just want the right to choose. 

Yes we need to get as much as we can into the time we have left, and I am really having a good go at it lol. Went into Liverpool Pier Head and on the ferry to watch the naming of the Queen Anne cruise ship last Monday a lovely day spent with great people. Have a good sleep tonight. I sleep about 4 to 5 hours a night now. Sleep tight xx

Moi

Hi Moi, love your philosophy, one I share and for me the only one that makes sense, I know at times it is difficult and you have dark days, though surely this is normal. I think you have to accept your situation without giving in to it, here's to a few more years,

Eddie xx

Defoe Eddie, a bit of stubbornness helps as well. Yes down days are  normal  but like you say, we just except and get on with our lives. Good might xx

Moi

Hi Xaviva 

I can understand your worries about death because it is the unknown. These booklets may help you, just tap on the text below

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/who-can-help-if-you-are-dying-easy-read

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/a-guide-for-the-end-of-life

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/changes-that-can-happen-at-the-end-of-life-easy-read

Can I also recommend a book - With the end in mind by Kathryn Mannix.

All of these reads will help you prepare and hopefully ease your mind. If the person is kept comfortable and pain free, death can be a peaceful process that starts by sleeping more, which becomes an unconscious state with changes to breathing. The changes eventually result in the person not taking another breath in. I hope the information helps you to see that it can be a natural process rather than an enormity. 

A x

Hi all, can't remember if I've died before or not, I have seen others do it, but won't go into that, when I was told I had up to 18 months to go I set about putting thing's in place, well everything I can think of, death doesn't scare me, my religious beliefs take care of that, what bothered me was what my wife would have to go thru, I've been integral to her life since she was 16, almost 50 years, it terrified me to think she will be so lonely, of course our family will be there but not the same as a life partner.

Hi Ulls 

Don't think I have been here before either. I thought the same as you in regards to how would my wife be. We've been together since we were 19 and this year we'll be married 45 years! Honestly, I keep waiting for the postman to bring my medal but it never comes. I think she might feel the same.

So, how will she cope? Dunno, but as you know she has been diagnosed with cancer too and just finished 14 months of chemotherapy. She's had it rough and it wasn't easy. Not finished yet of course, a CT scan a while ago showed a lymph node had increased in size so the next scan in around 4 weeks will be vital. 

If the worst comes to the worst, how will I cope? Life has a way of kicking us in the teeth, doesn't it? All we can do is funnel lots of positivity towards each other.

Take care Ulls

Tvman 

I had a rare bowel cancer and am now incurable with secondary cancers of the lymph nodes and bones. I knew almost from Day One that I had more chance of dying than living. As a result I have talked about my death with family and friends and together we have planned for my dying and their bereavement. I have taken ownership of my dying/death so I go out on my terms. My wishes are known to family and friends. I am accepting of my death but don't dwell on what the act of dying will be like - may be because I have seen family members pass.

I do not have a faith but think there is some preordination to our existence and when it is your time it is time. I say this having survived a head-on car crash with only minor injuries; a mother who fell 400 feet down a mountain and who is very much alive and a father-in-law who fully recovered from a brain aneurism to die from pancreatic cancer some years later. That is what gives me comfort.

Hope you find yours.

Maninbath

Hi Tvman, sorry about late responce, and nice to see you posting again, how coud I frget how long you have been married, same year same month just 10 days behind mine, my spouse was 19 as well.

Well we're all in the same boat so that's nice I suppose . I only found out  that everything has spread and incurable 5 cycles back. I was told usually they would send me home but because I was so healthy they offered me treatment , Maybe she was talking  B locks mind you she did say I was brown bread when I asked her . I think I have come to terms now that I will be going to the party early more than likely. I am having a great laugh with my kids about it which makes it more acceptable and easier to deal with . Saying that my son's father in law got diagnosed and died within 2 weeks from some rare cancer when I was just getting over my neck dissection and the nearest place I wanted to be was at a funeral . I couldn't deal with it mentally and didn't go and the family told me not come. My experiences of dying so far have been excellent and enjoyable the best one being drowning in the sea which was euphoric as I had given up fighting the current and was beaten and a hand grab mine and saved me. You know one could always say well what am I missing and am I going to a better place , I would like to think so . I believe being at peace with yourself helps and acceptance of the situation which in the scheme of things is no big deal really . I mean we are blessed to even get this far in life against all odds. I havnt got any complaints whatsoever and am leaving my body for research and not having a service or black car b locks , They can all go out for a nice meal or holiday and enjoy themselves that's what I want  

Hi Minimax I agree once you start to except your  situation and put all your wishes in place, fill in all relevant forms, then you can get on with your life. But saying that there are always down days, how many and how often depends on the person. Like many on this site I've been doing incurable for a long time 4 years for me will be 5 years in October, some are 7 years and more so we keep going and do what we can. You have to be kind to yourself, like not going  the funaral, do what is best to you. Oh yes at my sisters funeral a small group of her friends said we thought you'd have gone first, my neice through them out. I wish you well. Keep posting and chatting soon xx

Moi