My profile is complete but by way of a short into
I was diagnosed with rectal cancer in Aug 2023. I had radiation and chemo followed by TPE surgery in Aug 2024. I had clear margins. I thought I could move on. In Oct 2025 my surgeon noted a mass in the rectal stump that he believed was a recurrence. The testing kept coming back inconclusive but finally in late Dec 2025 he confirmed the cancer was back.
I was thinking... remove the rectal stump and mop up chemo then I'd be back to recovering. But no... inoperable. Only palliative chemo an option. I wrapped my mind around that. But I was still upbeat. Chemo would shrink the tumor and I'd get years.
But my cancer is as stubborn as I am. Since the start of the year I've spent 27 days in the hospital over 3 admissions. The tumor is putting pressure on my central vein causing multiple blood clots in both my legs making walking difficult.
Now the tumor has caused a complete obstruction in my small bowel. Inoperable. They put a tube in my stomach to vent and I am on IV nutrition (TPN). No idea what, if any, treatment may now be possible.
I've been told to seriously consider hospice but I am waiting to talk to my oncologist first.
I am alternating between ALL the emotions. One minute I want to discontinue TPN and just rush out the door and the next I am ready to drive hours to an expert in hopes of more options.
I'm not a quitter but at some point doesn't it become too much?
Hi Susan13
I started writing you a reply, and then thought I needed to go and read your profile first. Thank you for taking the time to write that. What a journey you have been on. I always say that having cancer is like a rollercoaster ride, and yours is evident of that.
Reading your profile reminded me of my mum, who had ovarian cancer. Hers grew around her bowel, and she coukd no longer eat and had to have a feeding tube. She was at home, and her team had discussed hospice care, but she didn’t want that. She wasn’t ready and she wanted to stay at home for as long as possible. When she did eventually go to the hospice, it was when she was ready.
See what your oncologist has to say, but this is your decision. Only you can tell when you have had enough. When to say enough is enough will come to us all eventually, I hope you have the support of your family and I send a gentle hug over to you. X
my heart goes out to you. I can understand your dilemma. It makes me realise just how fortunate we are here in the UK, although for how much longer our NHS will survive is worrying.
I think you need to have a discussion with your husband and let him know what you are feeling. This is a big burden you are carrying on your shoulders, I think it will benefit you both to have an open and honest discussion.
xx
