Lonliness

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I have recently joined this support group as I feel so desperate and alone.  I was diagnosed with terminal cancer in November 2021 and told average life expectancy was two and a half years, so I am defying the odds!  I have been a widow for 10 years and live alone.  I am receiving palliative care from my local hospice, who offer some support but they, like the whole medical profession, are overstretched.  I am now virtually housebound, only going out when someone is with me and have to use a wheeled walker as I am so unsteady on my feet and breathless at the least exertion.  I know I am not alone in feeling like this, but I feel as if I am.  I am getting increasingly tearful, especially when wide awake in the middle of the night.

  • Hi Grandyma You are not alone the way you feel and is only natural. Can I recommend audible books to keep your mind busy. I feel or have felt similar and the early morning is like the prime time. I was diagnosed in October 2020 and only joined this club recently as now have numerous tumours defo 7 but maybe 8 , It could be worse I suppose as could have 9 or 10 . Have you thought about getting a pet perhaps like a bird to keep you company . You can always come on here  anytime to have a chat X all the Best Minmax 

  • Thank you Minmax.  That has helped already.  I do read a lot and watch too much television - all escapism.  I may give audible books a go.  Thank you for the suggestion.

  • Your welcome Grandyma May I recommend Cheeves and Wooster or Sherlock Holmes perhaps , The world is your lobster for choice All the Best Minmax 

  • Hi Grandyma, A very warm welcome! It must be so difficult when you live alone. As you haven’t yet filled in your Profile Page, I don’t know if you have any family living near or even grandchildren (Grandyma!!) What about friends? I do know how you feel being lonely, although my husband is with me and our family live nearby, it is not the same as having friends you can share a coffee and chat with! in my previous life (pre cancer) I played badminton in winter, tennis in summer and walked with friends and did Taichi etc all year through. Now because I am not mobile any more, I don’t see them now because we have nothing in common!

    You have done the best thing joining this terrific Group. Any time you feel alone, come on here to the Daily Chat Post, you can talk about anything you like or just what you have been doing or watching on tv! Do you use an iPad or computer? If so there are really good jigsaws and puzzles you can download! Even during the night or early morning, there can still be others around, either because they can’t sleep or they have wakened too early. So don’t be shy, just post and someone will reply!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!
  • Thank you Minmax.  Don’t feel so alone now.  Living with terminal cancer is no fun!

  • Thank you Annette. I am still finding my way around this website and I am not very computer literate.  Hadn’t cottoned on to the Profile Page. My son and daughter and three teenage grandchildren are not too far away but all have busy lives.  My daughter bears the brunt of keeping an eye on me.  They all find my condition difficult to deal with and I don’t want to burden them.  Like you, I used to be very active and fit, working out in a gym three times a week.  Can’t even walk a few steps without getting breathless now.  It is so upsetting and frustrating.  I keep in touch with friends, mainly by text and sometimes phone calls and they do their best to be supportive but they are all getting older and have various health problems - not like mine though. I find it exhausting when they visit me at home.  There are a lot of hours in the day to be on my own.  Sorry, I have gone on a bit, but it is good to unload.

    love  Grandyma

  • Hello Grandyma

    I live alone too, so I know how it feels not to have other people around much. 

    I'm wondering if you have a local 'befriending' service in your area? Where I live, there is a local charity called the Food Train, originally set up to take food to peoples' houses, but they now also offer a befriending scheme, where you get a regular visit from someone you can chat with. Marie Curie also do something similar here. I think Age UK might too. Maybe you could check this out and see if there's anything local to you? For some company every now and again?

    I've found this forum a real 'godsend'....there's always someone to chat with, even in the early hours!

    Best wishes

    Kate

  • Hello Kate

    Thank you for your reply.  I will look into your suggestions.  Joining this Forum Group just this evening has already made me feel less alone.  I am pleased I took this step.

    Best wishes to you too.

    Grandyma

  • To echo what everyone else has said. Welcome. You will find lots of support here. 

  • Hello Grandyma, and a warm welcome from me, and well done joining the forum I know it was a big decision for many on here, though I am sorry that you feel alone, hopefully you joining the group will change that a little. Grandyma, like you I have the palliative team from my hospice and my hospice provides day therapies 2 or 3 days a week offering counselling, holistic therapy, crafts, quiz's, light exercise and the chance to talk to support workers, nurses and fellow patients and make friends, and they offer help with transport, Ask your palliative team what your hospice offers, and Maggie's offer advice and support for people living alone too, the link is www.maggies.org/cancer-support/managing.socially/living-alone-cancer just click on it to get to them. PS Maggie's also do a relaxation course, online, I'm sure a family member could help you set it up, I went 18 months on 2 hours a night and the course got me through it and it's free. best wishes.

    Eddie xx