Taking xmas decs down.

Hi Kate i have read.

It is hard that is no doubt.

You are not alone, thinking these thoughts, i have also thought like Christmas, i might not be, and then i might be.

I at times think, there is nothing i can do, only go along with my oncologist, all the worrying in the world is not going to change anything,

i have the scans, i have the treatment, and the cycle carries on, i am doing my best, though it may not be enough. worry and getting down does not help the out come.

I think men yes they are different, i was always the strong one in my marriage, and i know if i had gone first, my hubby could not have coped, but he got diagnosed and i lost him after months,i was diagnosed before him and he would not talk about my diagnosis, always said every thing will be alright, really he could not accept the situation, that was the truth.

So you are not alone as such others are in the same situation, and we all have to deal with it the best for us,

Have you tried talking to him, mind you i did with mine and to be honest he did not really want to talk, but was always there for me, took me for treatment every three weeks for three years, I wish you well and go forward with your journey, xx 

Hi Kate sorry to hear your diagnosis.  Welcome to our club that non of us want to be in. It is very hard to except. We are all in the same boat, some of us have gone past our sell by date. I was told 12 to 18 months 3 years ago. You'll get plenty of support on here. You can also phone Macmillan  Suport line for practical advise. It does take time to get your head around this, you'll get angry and why me, shout or cry when ever you feel like. A lot of people here will jump on and welcome you. Please keep posting we are a good bunch of people here. Just take life day by day and live the life you have, be kind to your self. Sending hugs xx

Moi

Hi Samaranda welcome to the group, but so sorry you find yourself here. This is such a supportive group, so you won’t regret joining us. 

As Moi2 has mentioned, you can call the Macmillan support line for practical help, or if you just want to chat to someone. The same for your husband as well. They support people caring for loved ones with cancer, as well as the person themselves. All calls are completely confidential, and they are available 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm on 0808 808 00 00. 

Hi Samaranda,

Welcome to the group, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It takes a long time to get your head around it. Your emotions will be all over the place, angry one minute, sad and devastated and struggling to believe it the next. 

I know it will be a shock for your husband. My husband has been very supportive but my dad struggles with my situation. I remember speaking to my parents, trying to prepare them for my possible stage 4 incurable diagnosis and my dad kept leaving the room, going upstairs etc. It was difficult for me as it gave the impression that he didn't care or thought I was being dramatic when really the probable truth was that he was finding it difficult to deal with. People deal with things differently and in their own time. I feel like I'm rambling but I think I'm just trying to show you that you are not alone. We, in this group are all going through or have gone through same/similar experiences.

Be gentle with yourself and accept all the help and support. Take care,

A x

Hi Samaranda , welcome to the incurables group although I'd rather have met you elsewhere. However we're here now in the company of the most supportive people you could ever meet. We're all in the same boat with many different trajectories but we can understand exactly what you're going through. It's tough especially when one's spouse can't grasp the fact of your diagnosis. He'll come round in his own time. 

Try not to be too concerned about the months not years business. So many people here are living well past what we term our sell by date, some by years. There are always different treatments emerging as well as trials that you could ask your oncologist to look out for. Then there are new discoveries that you hear of on TV so all is not lost Kate. You could take up a new interest or immerse yourself in something you're already keen on. Do you enjoy pilates or yoga? They're great for relaxing and socialising.  As for me I go to an exercise class run by MacMillan in a (not so) local leisure centre every Tuesday morning. I've been going for 5 or six years and I love meeting people in the café afterwards. I live in a remote area of County Down in Northern Ireland so in these days of Covid, sometimes it's the only chance of meeting people each week.

Just remember Kate that we're here to listen and give advice so please don't forget about us.

Take care and stay safe Kate

Tvman xx 

Hi Kate,  it is really difficult coming to terms with a prognosis regardless of how good or bad it is. 

For the first time this year,  I suddenly thought on new year's day, this could be my last year. It was very emotional and I had a little cry then discarded it and got back to being positive, which is not always easy, but a better alternative.

Like others have said, try not to dwell too much on how long....no one really knows. Live for today! 

You will soon accept what's happening but don't let it overtake your thoughts and acceptance does not mean that you've given in.

My thoughts are with you!

Helen xx

Hi Kath and Helen, this new year's eve I did the Same and had a cry then I said out loud YES I WILL BE HERE NEXT NEW YEAR, then just got on with it and had a 2 glasses of wine. We're all allowed a down moment or day, but we get back on the horse again. One day at a time, best way to go. Sending hugs xx

Moi

Hi Kate, in December 2020 I started palliative chemotherapy, hoping that it would give me some more time, I'd been told that the treatment may give me a year. I remember being in the same position as you taking down the decorations in 2021, but I took down our decorations again the other day, I am currently stable off treatment. My philosophy is prepare for the worst, hope for more, embrace the moment. Best wishes to you 

Moi,

Thank you and yes a good mantra to have. I use similar ones most days. 

Take  care and sending hugs back.

Helen xx

Hi Moi,. there's every chance that both of us will be here next year.and I'll make a point of raising a glass with you..

I've had a couple of down moments lately and both of them centred around programmes on TV when people have announced that they have been cured of cancer. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them, very happy, I have an incurable bone marrow cancer and unless there is a seismic shift in treatment, I'll still be incurable this time next year.

It's not going to stop me gardening or going to my exercise class and there's nothing going to stop me making the most of my life 

Tvman xx