Secondary BC spread to bones and liver.

I’m going to keep on at this. 

We have my 6 children, their partners and our 7 grandchildren coming to the wedding. 4 very close friends and some really close family only. 35 people including the kids. 

These are just the people we want there, no distant relatives or randomers. When you’re in our position you have every reason just to make it about you and your family.

Go for it. 

Harebelle

I can’t tell you how shocked I was, but I guess you know that.

It has all happened so quickly. Only a few short weeks ago I’m flying to Amsterdam twice a month for work and now I’m struggling to bloody walk.

I’ll tell you though, you will find out there are some really lovely people around who are willing to support and help you and the people on this group are absolutely brilliant. 

I have never used social media before but I have had so much comfort from talking to people on here. People who know what we are going through. Even at 3am in the morning when I’m wide awake. 

Make sure you open yourself up a bit to talking to people, you will get so much back.

Take care,

I found it was a bit of both but because it's all done on an urgent basis they often ring as a letter might not get there in time.

Good luck to you, keep in touch, the support on here is excellent,

Happie

Just read your profile form your reaction flag.

I didn’t know you could do that. I must update my profile.

Yes, turns out we found out in a very similar way.

Trust me, your life is not over.

We just need to learn to lead life differently. 

Guys

Just been re reading our discussion here from last week. There are some lovely comments in there from you all.

I have 2 questions:

Happy_Rattie, have you proposed to him yet? If not, why not?

And a 2nd one from me to you all, I don't want to bring the mood down, but how do you deal with all this shit. I really can't get my head round I'm now stage 4? Guess I'm just scared.

Has anyone tried counselling? I feel like I'm in denial and there's a lot for me to face up to yet. Been keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about it but I've sorted loads now and am beginning to dwell on this.

I'm stage 4 too.  We both have the same target; to see our youngest graduate.   This is how I see it.  I can't change the diagnosis.  I am not afraid to die and I have a thankful perspective with family life.  I don't beat myself up about the milestones I might miss eg the kids getting married or having children.

But equally there are so many advances being made with treatment.  I'm on immunotherapy and it's working as it should.  There is so much uncertainty with this.  Drs take a best guess or average for a prognosis when they just don't know how the cancer in your body is going to respond.   Some cancers are predictable (mine = kidney) some are unpredictable eg melanoma.  You don't want to be preparing for the end based on such rationale founded in sand.  So, we have to learn to accept it and live with the uncertainty. 

I was finding it was consuming my thoughts and I've thought a lot about what I want for an optimal work/life balance or what not working might look like.  I've made huge efforts to plan activities.  My hubby has just retired and he's driving me crazy under my feet all the time in the house.  I need to get out the house!

I've also read a book about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for people with cancer, for the marginal gains lol

I don't intend to ask for a prognosis again.  But I did tell my oncologist I was going for the immunotherapy record and he was happy with that 

Hi Mmum

You sound so strong and brave which is truly amazing!

It isn't easy dealng with a diagnosis of cancer and even worse with a poor prognosis but you have a great attitude.

I think, as the professionals are always advancing with new medical discoveries, having the positivity and hope that something could come along to help, will keep you going for a good while. Hope, for me, is something that really helps me get through.

Getting your head around something like this is not easy.  Counselling could help you to deal with this. Instead of talking to yourself there is someone there who will listen and who you can share your thoughts with. Give it a go! 

Mmum

Thank you so much for your response. I read it at 4am this morning and have been thinking about it ever since.

Its just what I need to get my head out of my arse and to focus more on the positives than dwelling on the negatives. There are so many people worse off than me, so stop feeling sorry for myself and just get on with it.

This comment really hit home - "you don't want to be preparing for the end based on such rationale founded in sand". Because that's exactly what I've been doing, planning my end game based on a best guess of statistical data.

You're so right too about my daughter. She is effectively qualified at the end of this month but the full on Graduation ceremony with the big dinner, all dressed up and hats on, has been been deferred to next bloody July due to Covid and the impact that has had on the overall programme. I've been thinking that's past my 'Sell by" date.

I'm going to realign my thoughts on this and follow you. I also want to make it to 30/07/23. That will be my First Anniversary. That's an easy one to remember as my Wife got me a Grooms Box on the morning of the wedding. It had a shot glass, mini whiskey, mints and stuff in, all for the groom to try and relax. it's got the date printed across the front of it so I should be okay with that one.

I understand what you mean about the other half being around all the time. Jill is so attentive even jumping up to pick up things when I drop them. I get snappy with her because I want to feel like I can still do things myself. 24/7 in each other company is not good for anyone. She was made redundant 6 weeks ago and now with me, I won't be able to go back to work, we are a bit in each other's space all the time. Saying that I don't know what I'd do if she was at work.

Last night I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I just had to put on my coat on and go for a walk on my own. 

i used to walk my dog every day and night for an hour each time listening to Podcasts. I miss that. When I was in hospital we had to put the dog in for £5k's worth of scans/MRI etc only to find out what - at the same time I was being diagnosed, so too was he. He had Cancer his neck, spine, liver. Honestly you couldn't write a book and build that into the plot line. Miss walking him.

Sorry to waffle on, so thanks again, your words have really helped.

Thanks Nan7,

I'm defiantly going to give somone a call next week and set something up.