Walls closing-in inch by inch

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Hello Everyone,

The New To The Community forum pointed me in this direction so here I am. Just want someone to bounce off really as it's all getting on top.

Got told this time last year I had about 6 months with untreatable stage 4 lung cancer with spread to other areas.

Smashed the 6 months but things are undoubtedly getting worse. No drugs. No treatment. Just me and my bravado but boy it's getting tiring.

All I know at this point is that I do not wish to go back to hospital. Just come out after a really bad turn and it was traumatic.

I've got palliative care on speedial and hospice support is only a phonecall away but I'm very resistant.

I'm male, 53, live alone but have a cat who's my savior. I can vent on her but it doesn't seem fair so thought I could vent on here :-)

Don't know what else to say except kind regards to everyone.

Moi2 over 3 years ago in reply to moltenmagnets

Morning Molten, hope you get some respite at the hospice, they are much calmer than the hospitals. Try using it as a mini brake, they also are very good listeners. Tell them you'd be more at ease if your cat was with you. Keep posting, let us no what the hospice is like. Take care xx

Tony73 over 3 years ago

I describe it as suffocating for me but i no longer struggle against this disease. My cat too is a great therapy. Peace.

moltenmagnets over 3 years ago

Hello Everyone,

I didn't stay at the hospice in the end. I went with good intentions overnight bag and all but I talked myself out of it and came home. It was a good job I did cos as soon as I got home I had quite a bad turn which has lasted all weekend until now. I'm committed to having all my funny turns at home now anyway. No more ambulances for me.

Can't say what the hospice is like. I've visited a couple of times but only seen reception and a meeting-room. It looks and feels like an NHS unit but that's not their fault. It's the staff and residents that make the place tick.

My new symptom is the inability to breath. It's very scary. Feels like I'm being waterboarded. Liquid morphine helps but it takes time to kick-in. The nurses say they can probably keep this under control but it'll require things like morphine patches for more of a slow release effect.

Those walls have just closed-in another half inch. All four of them are like my constant companions :-) I talk to them. They sometimes make me chuckle.

Kind regards to all,

Rainieday over 3 years ago in reply to moltenmagnets

That's a rotten experience mm. I've come close to something like that ever since the lung infection that almost took me off. It was really hard not to panic, but panic of course made it feel worse. I hope the morphine takes that panic away and helps you remain calm. Those patches do take a while to kick in. Hang on in there my friend.And I agree that being at home - well there's no substitute for the comfort that brings. Thinking of you. Rainie x