You die for free but it costs you your life

I found being told to have a life limiting condition was strangely liberating. I am no longer have to worry about the future when there is none. I can truly live in the present. I think my mind really enjoy this and is at its most natural and peaceful place. I am looking and reacting to everything through a completely different lens. I would say I am at mentally most content since I was 14. 

I still feel sad from time to time. However, I am grateful to have the opportunity to be where I am right now. Truthfully, if I look at life moment by moment, most of moments are enjoyable or peaceful. Prior to my diagnosis, I am too busy worrying about , what is next, what could go wrong in the future , and never truly appreciate the now. 

I am grateful I didn’t die from a sudden condition and thus never have to chance to be where I am now. 

Thank you, honest and refreshing

For me acceptance and gratitude is the answer , I had a heart attack then diagnosed with cancer did all the treatments and had my first scan results and my partner of over 30 years told me she wanted her own life. Saying I was gutted was an understatement but I thought if I can get over cancer I can over a relationship.  3 /4 years in and  major operation and treatment  I am still here granted next Friday the countdown will start . I have arranged to give my body to anatomy centre so no issues with a funeral and all the dome and gloom. We are all so lucky and blessed to live in these times .All the Best Minmax 

Hi Chelle, I know exactly what you mean when you mention feeling guilty for still being alive when a best friend dies suddenly! A close and supportive friend of mine went into hospital on a Monday to have a knee replacement on the Tuesday. Her husband had arranged to call me on the Tuesday to let me know how she was and when I could visit. She died on the operating table when her heart stopped. She was 61. I just couldn’t get my head round it. The grieving for her and the life I once had, hit hard and it took me a long time to accept everything.

I am so sorry about your friend Annette. It just shows life can be so fragile and it is a gift to wake up in the morning xx

 anndanv I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That must of been very hard for you and your friends family. X 

So sorry to hear about your friend Annette, it is so hard to have happen to you. 

Lee 2 x

I felt the same when my son's father in law died in the space of two weeks from being diagnosed to dying . He was as fit as a fiddle with just an upset stomach . All the Best Minmax 

Well guys, I was born with a few serious heart issues, which by some unknown miracle I've managed to survive for 59 years, I've been in hospital umpteen times, my hearts stopped more times than I can remember, and I should have died at least 6 times, so I  have a lifetime of appreciation for what really matters in life, and to value each and every day as you never know when your last one may be.

About a year before my diagnosis, I retired as my heart condition took a turn for the worst, my aorta expanded in months from 44mm to 53mm, which is very significant in aortic terms, and my aortic valve began to leak, not good, especially as I'm unable to have anaesthetic, but somehow it stabilised, I got this news from scan results at my GPs, the same day I told him I was going to the loo a couple of times a night, he gave me a DRE and took some blood, and told me my prostate was 95mm and very uneven with large growths on the outside.

I have to say at this point I was in healthcare for 15 years, and did many years in palliative and cancer care.

Anyway, I knew my prostate was cancerous, and almost certainly had already spread, but we went through the diagnostic process and sure enough, stage 4 and incurable a month later.

I honestly don't  know how to describe my feelings about my cancer diagnosis, next to my heart issues, it didn't really matter at that time, like life I took it in my stride, treatments were limited due to my heart, so HT for life with some RT thrown in, I got the usual side effects, most with PCa get, just a little worse, as it was my only treatment that would kill the cancer, they nuked me with an extra large dose of radiation to my whole lower pelvic area, which was very successful, from having cancer in 5 organs and 8 lymph nodes, it was only detectable in 1 node, fab, not really, I have since developed many co-morbidities, my memory is poor and my strength/stamina is not good, but I'm not complaining, this was all my choice, and there have been plusses having cancer, emotionally I'm much more caring and my empathy levels are through the roof, which I love, and showing my emotions doesn't bother me anymore, and I have met more amazing people since diagnosis 3 years ago, than in the previous 56.

I too have everything in place for my end, everyone from my family to my hospice have supported me through this, it was difficult for some of my family, but they came to see it as I do, not as a way of giving up on life, but of making the most of what time you have, without worrying about a difficult end 

Like everyone, I have dark times, but thankfully they are few, and I have no fear of dying, I learned to overcome that many years ago, my fears now are all about family, I know they will be ok when I'm not here, as I am blessed with a wonderfully close family who support each other through everything, and are no strangers to loss or cancer, but my kids mum, who I have known since I was 1 day old, and we were together for 41 years, and though we are no longer a couple, I will always love her and she has always been a huge part of my life has cancer too, she is going through treatment, but we don't know if it's to cure, which is what takes me to those dark places we don't want to go, as I don't know how the kids will be losing mum and dad.

Anyway we are a positive clan, and always try to focus on the positive, and enjoy life, as cancer or not, no one knows how long they have, and much better to be positive, whenever possible. My fellow warriors, you are an inspiration to me, your bravery, kindness and friendship has been a blessing to me and for that I am truly grateful.

love Eddie and Sheila xx 

PS, sorry for the long post xx