You die for free but it costs you your life

Ever since I was diagnosed in August 2024, and was told it was incurable, I have been on a tightrope between treatment, feeling bad ohysically and a serene state of enjoying everything. Tears and joy are very close neighbours. I have become more generous both in giving and in receiving. The whole experience is weird, not wanted but I can't push it away either. Your thoughts?

We hopefully do support   each other, in all aspects, good and bad.

Its a hard journey, we  are all on, , though we cannot change it, in fact in   one way, we are lucky.

We do get the chance to appreciate the simple things in life, beauty, family, love ones.

We get to say, things, that may be should have been said long ago, and tell certain people how much we love them.

If I had a heart attack  suddenly  and died or  a bad  accident, that has been taken away.

Interesting thread Patrick.

It's emotional Ellie, but that's okay. By the way, your basket is under construction, will send a friend request when finished so I can send it to you.

I thought this thread might help people find closure with whatever they need to close. It's not easy to do

It is a truly an  emotional  roller coaster.

We have to go with them, as they intrude our mind, and we  will come threw it.

In one way, its early days for you from diagnosis, for me when diagnosed, I was a wife and mother, and  thats how i wanted it t be.

I told them all, do not smother me, you have never done that, and if you do, I will know some thing is wrong. 

I do keep things away from my children at times and when I am down, and I do get like that,  my music goes on and I play all day.

If fact my daughter suffers with pts, caused by her cancer journey, so i have o be strong for her.

I have had counselling threw the Hospice, my husband was in.

That's why I found this group my support, I can be truthful and helps me to unload on the people here, who understand as they could be going threw, the same.

Its a good thread made me, stop and think, which I appreciate, and I have unloaded, so therapy, no charge.

The basket was a joke Patrick, you could start a little business.

No interest in business, you get it, I will post it to UK Post Office c/,o Ellie and see where it lands lol

LOL If you address it to Lady Ellie, of course i will, lol

Hi Patrick & Ellie, It’s true none of us asked to be in this position but I do think we are better for it. Yes we are lucky. When I “eventually” kick the bucket, there will be nothing left unsaid because I have made sure of that, there will be no regrets, I’ve seen to that too during this roller coaster ride. I have been blessed (who knows why?) with an extra 11 or 12 Years for which I am truely grateful.

However my husband having 2 different cancer diagnosis in the last 2 years, has been much worse than my own dx as I can do nothing about it, for the first time I am not in control, made worse by the fact he likes to put his head in the sand and I like to approach things head on!

A thought provoking post Patrick! What is that saying? “Life is a bitch & then we die!” Not in my life, it continues to be amazing!

When I was diagnosed as incurable at the age of 45 I really believed I wouldn’t make it to my 50th birthday. So when then did it happen it was a very strange feeling, and it was like a switch turned on and I started to believe that I could live a good and happy life, for as long as that may be. I have spoken a lot in the past about the grieving process and how I grieved for the life I once had, how I was sad, angry ( that’s a hard one because you have no one to blame) and then I finally found acceptance and with that came peace. 

Just after Covid I had a very close friend pass away from a heart attack. No warning, no clue that she was unwell, she was 51 and we were looking forward to getting back to a “normal” life after Covid. It was hard on everyone, but I felt guilty, because she had supported me through my illness, she had been there at the beginning when I was in hospital visiting me, and we all knew I was going to die, and it didn’t feel right that she went before me. And I thought other people were thinking that too, that it should have been me and not her. I have spoken to her husband about how I feel guilty for surviving when she didn’t, and we have cried together, but it’s an odd feeling. Her husband said he was worried he didn’t tell her enough how much he loved her, we all knew he did. The difficult part was, no one knew what her funeral wishes were. Nothing had been discussed, so that was hard on her family. I think being an incurable gives you a great prospective on life, it gives you the opportunity to speak to your loved ones and say the things you may not of said. I myself am writing a book about my life, I doubt it will be best seller, but I want to leave it for my girls so they have an understanding of me and what my life took me through. I know I wouldn’t of had the time or the need to have done this if I hadn’t of had cancer. 

Chelles i think your story has resinate with me the most.

I had a blood clot heart attack, complete shock. Consultant said I was hours from death. Then my cancer was found.

My old bestie who I had lost touch with was on my doorstep when she found out and has been such an amazing support throughout.

Well blow me down 3 weeks ago they found cancer in her breast, within days this healthy woman has gone from being very fit to being quite poorly post op..no idea of aggressive form or not yet

My school bestie like ur bestie just died, no goodbyes, just gone.

I now have in place everything. Not for me but for my family. Wills ,end of care wishes, funeral wishes etc..this takes awsyctge morbidity and lets us all get on with living.

I am at peace with it all. Yes I am not ready to pass over. But I now live and enjoy even the mundane.

Love is a word I use to my family morning, soon and night

I love the idea of your life story. 

Some days are painful and hard, down days are hiding in the wings but I try and find joy somewhere in my day

Thankyou for your words and comfort sweetheart...and that goes for all the other rascals in this elite club of ours who reads this 

Love and many hours, days,months and years of happiness and joy to u all