Bad day...

I’m not sure if this is possible  someone on here will be more knowledgeable but is it possible that you can have a companion or something arranged with macmillan or the hospice or an organisation that would introduce you to a person who would be able to keep you company on your appointments. I understand if you don’t want this as it’s hard to let new people in  . Maybe talk to one of your friends they might not be able to do it themselves but there might be someone they know . I hope today is a better day x Chris 

Hi

When there is so much investigations going on and no firm treatment plan, everything becomes overwhelming. I had that from August to November last year. I had endless investigations and multiple curative options. Unfortunately eventually end up with incurable and chemotherapy for life by the end.

it certainly made me going into a very dark place. I found counselling helped esp acceptance and commitment therapy. Could you access them? 
I also find help trying only think one step at a time and one day at a time.  Try to live well along side cancer is my goal. Live in the present not the fear / tyranny of the future. 

Sending lots of hugs x

I am 3 years into this and have had all sorts of procedures and interventions. At times, it’s hard not to feel like a slab of meat that is being processed by yet another rushed and overworked member of staff. I always try to engage with the person doing the task, no matter how horrible it is or how horrible I feel. It does seem to help most of the time. Once, I was faced with a lethargic phlebotomist who was ‘too tired’ to move her chair so she could take my blood without twisting my arm. That was the closest I came to snapping, telling her I was sorry she was tired but so was I, as I have metastatic cancer. Her face dropped somewhat. I hope it feels better for you soon.

So sorry you're having to deal with all this. Like everyone else here, I resonate with a lot of what you're feeling. I'm also one of the younger incurables and was expecting to live to at least 80 like all my grandparents did, so I get what you mean about having the next 40 years taken from you.

All this being said it does get easier. I'm 2 years into living with cancer and have had pretty constant appointments with my particular treatment plans. Over time I'm learning how to manage this life and it eventually becomes normal and easier to handle. Recently I've been repeating to myself "I can do hard things" and it seems to be helping. Also just appreciating the small things like a sunny day or seeing sheep in a normally empty field and taking a moment to soak in that joy and forget everything else.

Other advice I can add is just be kind to yourself, take your time and give yourself what you need, whether that's a big cry, a hot bath or whatever else (within reason haha!)

Thank you all. I think it takes time to settle into a rhythm,  routine and get usevti this new normal. I went to a secondary support group today and it's helped a bit. I'm so tired just now - started abemaciclib yesterday and this evening discovered why it came with 3 boxes of immodium.  And got flu jag today as well. Oh, and changing up pain meds to prolonged release morphine. I'll reply properly tomorrow to you all. But I truly appreciate each and every reply and recommendation. 

Lex - xx

Hi Lex, Firstly apologies for not replying sooner but I have had other things to cope with and I just couldn’t seem to find time to try to catch up with everything!

We all have bad days, sometimes it can even last a few days or even a week but eventually something happens and you start to feel that things aren’t as bad as you thought. I have read through all your replies here and aren’t we lucky to be part of such a kind, caring, supportive Group! I saw Eddie’s leaflet about Buddies and there is also a BeFriending Service in lots of areas, so it is worth a visit or phone call to your local library who should have details.
I am the “lady” ( thanks for that Hilo!) who has the sign off Hilo mentioned and I firmly believe if we take it one day at a time, especially at the start, then before we know it we are thankful for just still being here with our family. I haven’t met anyone yet who ‘likes’ being examined or prodded but as another Lady here says, for that day “we put on our big girl pants” and get on with it! I don’t think anyone, including myself, ever likes it but we eventually accept it is something that needs done for our own good! Here in this Group we don’t need to paint that smile on and say “I’m fine thanks” because we all do it with family and friends but this is a safe place where you can let it all out and tell it like it is! Hope you are having better days now!