when you start feeling frustrated

Hi I think every one has things, they cannot ,managed now, in one way or another.

I struggling with my garden now, and get annoyed with my self, i do try, walking, not like i used to, after getting fractures in pelvis, that healed but never lined up, i struggle to lay on the bed when i go for a scan. Your lucky that you are able to drive, i never learnt, oh how i wish i ad, i have to ask others, some thing i never used to do, could get there on my own, not now.

So all this treatment has a price to pay for some.

Though i am still here, so that is a bonus, many are not.

I do understand where you are coming from.

Hi Ellie

I am so relieved to be able to do some things again but its a weird space to be in where I am thankful not to be stuck in my downstairs as I was for over two months but I don't know my limits now. I can get away some days with a little potter in the garden but most days it makes me in so much pain after that I am afraid it is doing harm. I asked for physio to see if I could get back more mobility but was told no as there is so much bone damage it could cause permanent damage. So I feel stuck between wanting to 'get better' and fear of going backwards. This is not a good place. When I could do nothing I had to content myself and now I don't know if I am wasting my precious good days or resting in the hope of better to come.

I hear what you are saying I have good days, and do a lot of pottering, next day I am like a wet rag, fit for nothing, e have to  learn to pace our selves though

very hard to do.

Thought I would change bedding today, if thats all I do, just putting clean quilt cover on knocked my arm and bleed every where.

The  air was blued, double the work, I am on blood thinners, as one lot of chemo caused a heart attack, bed is now done and so am I.

We are not alone but very hard at times to except.

Hi TheaT

It's good to see you posting again, but I'm sorry to read that you have been going through a difficult patch.

Some of the things you can now achieve are a good sign that your situation CAN change for the better, but I can understand how frustrated you are that you can't do everything like you used to.

It's in my nature to take a 'problem solving' approach to situations. My thoughts about your gardening....is it bending, or digging, or stretching that you are having difficulty with? My solution might be to get a raised bed or two put in, so you can sit alongside and work easily. If you can pin-point exactly what you're having difficulty with, a solution may become clearer. Try not to see the gardening as a whole, but break it down into small tasks. That way, you won't feel overwhelmed, but can maybe do one small task each time you go out there, so you will feel that you have achieved something positive.

I too really thrive on being outdoors, and country walks with my dog. If that isn't possible for you at the moment, could you find a way to do it? By using walking poles, to help your balance, or taking a walking companion for extra confidence, or carrying a shooting stick, so you can sit down if you need a rest, or even consider a mobility scooter, so you can get out and about more. You can possibly get financial help for this, if you need it. It need not be something that you need permanently, so you wouldn't be 'going backwards' if you bought one....just making the best of how you are now!

In my area, there are a couple of walking groups specially for people who have illnesses like ours. They go at a gentle pace, and provide 'safety in numbers' and chat too!

Sorry if I've waffled on too long. I hope you are feeling more hopeful after writing down your frustrations. It isn't easy, coping with uncertainty.

Sending a virtual hug

Kate

Hello again TheaT,  I think many of us have shared your journey. we are not the person we were yesterday but we have to focus on what is  possible  with a little hope thrown in, reading your post it could be about me, doing treatment and therapies hoping for improvement and at times I'm sure there is, but  mostly for me and others standing still is a victory , Thea like you I love walking and gardening they were my escapes from day to day life. I can maybe do 15% of what I once could and also like you I drive an automatic. as I have little feeling in my left foot, it's not helpful to worry about what you can't do, better to focus on what you can,  I do an exercise class, supervised by a qualified instructor,  3 times a week and maybe it's helped me do a little more,I'm not sure, but what I can do is easier to do and with fewer bad days. 

Eddie xx 

Hi TheaT 

Frustration with quality of life is I think something many of us experience. I certainly do. In my case, limitations have been caused by treatment, rather than cancer, which is certainly frustrating. I am grateful I am here but bothered on a daily basis by what I can no longer do. It’s definitely helpful to make some adjustments to how you do things in order to be able to do something rather than nothing. I am, for example, reliant on walking poles to go in the country, and also restricted to something short and flat, but it’s better than nothing. Pacing helps - doing enough but not so much I then can’t move for the rest of the day. I find I spend more time reading - something I have always enjoyed but lost the concentration for in the early days of cancer. Meeting up with friends for coffee. Just sitting in a nice garden or seafront in the sun. The frustration I feel at no longer being able to run is something else though - that was my big release valve. 

Hi TheaT You are not alone and lovely to hear from you . I am having a down day and managed to sit out for an hour and nap most of the day and not really do much else . This is just part of cancer that we like to overlook and forget about or hope it won't affect us. No one can answer your question about  things getting better. What I do know is being positive and having determination goes a long way towards helping any situation. Think positive and enjoy what you can is my take on it , ever day is a blessing . All the Best minmax

Thanks Kate for your suggestions. I am usually very solutions based so appreciate you giving ideas and yes I have been trying several ways to add in the outdoor things I love. It is making the best of things but deep down I am admitting to myself that this is not the same as anything else I have ever faced in my life. I think it has taken me all this time to finally get IT - that this cancer business is in a league of its own with all sorts of emotions that you can only know when you know! I really appreciate being able to say that to folks who get it. 

Eddie you are so right there is underneath it all sheer relief to be able to get up and get through the day and for that I am thankful. I was thinking today that saying goodbye to so many of the things I could do when I was healthy is a kind of grieving process. So I can see that I am having good and bad days. Days when I just go through the motions, days when I cry and days when I feel good and even manage to have little victories to celebrate. 

I asked the nurses at chemo if they know of any support classes and they gave me a leaflet so I rang the number and have been invited to a coffee morning and exercise class. Now I just need the umph to get myself along...

Minmax I am sorry you had a down day yesterday and hope today finds you feeling better. I slept for 12 hours on Monday after not managing to sleep more than a couple of hours over the weekend. Rest really does help and I've noticed that if I listen to my body and not push it too much I can avoid going into excruciating pain days. I just wish I could figure out how to go the middle distance. I'm not very good at this one day at a time.