Am I coming to the end of my journey.

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Having been diagnosed with terminal Ovarian cancer and gone through a failed operation (open and close) then chemo which made me feel too ill so I stopped as my low grade cancer does not respond to chemo very well I am surprised to still be plodding along.I do not want an end date but I am now nearly three years on definitely slowing down.I am swollen especially my ankles and very week plus constantly tired.How is it for others like me I wonder I have always had a positive outlook during this journey and celebrated every passing Christmas (initially I thought I only had one)so I feel blessed to still be here but do wonder how other people feel on their journeys and what they do to keep the momentum.Any comments no matter good or bad would be appreciated.

  • Hi not sure how to reply to this.

    Its hard Bloody hard i have to say, i am always positive, then a little gremlin, gets inside my head, and then the what ifs.

    As i am getting older, i think i have slowed down,  because of age, i have a few things going on at present, and the gloom comes in,, the i have to give myself a kick, and think to not be so morbid.

    I know it is going to happen one day, am i scared of dying, not sure, as have never died before, though when younger after a real good party and yes to much to drink,  the  next day i can here my self saying i am dying as felt awful.

    Coming,  to end of jo my journey, ,  my fear is, the way i may die, and that does scare me, i nursed my hubby threw a cancer, it was terrible to watch and see what he was going threw. 

    • Where there is life there is hope, and i truly hope, when all our journeys, may be coming to an end, it comes pain free, tranquil, and peaceful.
  • Hi Chimpy

    I agree wholeheartedly with Ellie's comments. It is hard to keep the momentum going, and there are times when I wonder if it is worth all the effort of keeping up a cheerful attitude. I too think about the 'end time'....not very often, but more recently. I'm not scared of death, just want the process to be as pain-free as possible, and peaceful, as Ellie says.

    I have slowed down, with less physical strength, and get frustrated by this, as I still have things I want to do. I hate just sitting around, but there are days when it is all I do!

    it isn't all doom and gloom though....there are mostly good days, and they make up for the times when I feel a bit down in the dumps.

    There is no easy solution though, to all of this. I guess it's the same no matter which awful illness you may have....it's just a matter of pushing yourself to be the best that you can manage, on that particular day,  no matter how cliched that may sound. 

    When I'm going through a 'down' patch, I set myself small targets for each day. It may be something as boring as doing the vacuuming, or watering the houseplants....anything that I feel is achievable, so I can feel I've managed something by the end of the day! Otherwise, I just feel I'm waiting around to die. 

    Have you sought help for your swollen ankles? You may be able to get some relief for that.

    Like you, I feel blessed to still be here too.....and fortunate, compared to some others who post here, that I haven't had to cope with surgery, or too many unpleasant side effects, or a lot of pain.Although we all have cancers, the experiences are very different. But we all want to have a stress-free 'journey', and a comfortable life, however long that may be.

    Keep plodding on, Chimpy! As Ellie and others say, have hope!

    Hugs

    Kate

  • Hi Chimpy and a very warm welcome to the forum, not the place any of us wants to be, but speaking personally I am glad i did,. and I hope you find the forum a good place to be too, somewhere you can talk openly about anything with others on the same journey who understand, can i ask are you having any cancer treatments or seeing a lymphoedema specialist. Like you and most on the forum a positive mindset is so important, as it is tough being told you are terminal, then you have the treatments and side effects to cope with along with getting older and still dealing with the health problems i had before cancer. but the worst thing was telling family and good friends I was terminal and how it affected them, luckily over time my family adjusted and have been wonderful, though lost a few "friends" Family are the biggest part of my life and the reason i try to be positive. but i do have dark days, a few more than usual lately but as Ellie says a kick up the backside stops you feeling sorry for yourself. I have died quite a few times over the years and see myself as very lucky to still be here and have no fear of death, though going back to Ellie again, I am also scared of the suffering and pain my cancer is likely to cause me near the end. PS we are usually a happy bunch, best wishes.

    Eddie xx

  • Hi chimpy, staying positive is hard and this group helps and you're very welcome to be in it but none of us as Eddie said wants to be , I personally have no fear of dying but I just don't want to my only fear is my family missing me, I've told them I'll be just asleep n get on stay happy n have fun and try not to catch me up to fast Blush

    Lee

  • Oh that's  nice Lec,  and a lovely thing to say.

    • It's true eh , hopefully in bed without pain 

    Lee

  • Think that is what we all would like.

  • Well we will get what we're given lol

    Lee

  • Mines a Red Wine

  • Haha enjoy it, I've been transfused a few times n told off as I have heavy seizures so not allowed Pensive 

    Lee