Pessimistic and no faith!

Morning Marie,  I hope you find something to help you through chemotherapy, it must be awful for you, and I really am impressed with your mental strength to get through it, what a star you are, I was in Maggies on Wednesday and asked about relaxation, all you need is an Email address.

Wow, your busier than me Marie, and mostly fun things, fab, tired from having fun we don't mind, I hope the nurses come early so you can relax and get some strength for when your grandson visits, will his friend be coming too,

I thought you weren't from Nottingham, only because your treatment 1st time was at Hull, which would have been a strange place to go for treatment, living in Nottingham, so your a Scunny lass, I ll not use the other  nickname as it's rude.

That sounds familiar to most of us regarding old friends, it's easy when we're younger so much time and little responsibility, I  have 3 friends from school, we catch up 2-3 times a year. Good to hear your bestie's do get over occasionally.

Oh dear Marie, is the moon face because of the steroids?, I would have thought you hadn't been on them long enough, if it is the corticosteroids, I'm afraid your stuck with it while your on them, an underachive thyroid can also cause it Marie, ask Helen about a TFT.

Unfortunately my surprise day was cancelled, I've not been too good for a couple of days, I hope it's the new meds, but they wouldn't affect my heart, I'll be ok, im just on hold for a while.

Marie, I'm absolutely fine with scans, no plans for today, only to have some breakfast soon.

I hope you find something nice to do tomorrow with the family.

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. I have been doing some reading and gathering some techniques to try combat that chemo anxiety and thank you for your kind words. I will put them in to action see if they help. That Hayward House have contacted me and I'm there to start treatment on the 16th. That's good huh. 

Went to get my picc line dressing changed. She couldn't draw much blood. They have cancelled my chemo this week for Christmas so I didn't want to fuss over it. I'm back again on Friday for bloods done ready for chemo the following week and I'll worry about it then.

I had tumour pain too. Not had that in a while. Is it drop in steroid dose? Don't know. It had to be a wheelchair day. We went to Sainsbury's afterwards to do Christmas food shop number 1 lol Dave has lots of vouchers and it just about pays for our food. There was some stressy not very nice humans clearly irritated with me in the wheelchair lol Yesterday Dave and Amy did the Tesco number 2. I stayed home and hobbyed and chilled. Felt better! Today is M & S. I believe I feel okay to go even though I have woken in pain this morning. We shall see. 

Grandson has arrived. He's very happy and very spoilt tut tut lol His friend lives in Nottingham. They went into the centre the other day and I believe he will meet him after Christmas. 

I believe the moon face is steroids yes. I did Google it and saw there was not a lot I could do about it. The oncologist pointed it out too. Given the chemo I've had I've been taking them for a year. Is that a lot? It doesn't bother me. Thank you about the information re the thyroid. What's TFT please and I will speak to Helen when next I see her.

I'm sorry to hear you haven't felt well. How are you feeling now? Better I hope! What news have you? Hope family is all good. Take care ️ 

Good morning Stella.Thank you for the information that's very useful. I shall speak to them about this. I will need to it's getting quite frustrating.

Wow a dentist! That's ace! I have taken up a number of things. I'm a lazy reader so I've been using audible and enjoying that. I actually find I'm able to finish a book that way. Making candles, painting by numbers, mindfulness colouring, knitting, can only knit a square lol And looking into aromatherapy, essential oils and crystals etc. I have to say I'm completely rubbish at them all but they distract me and keep me occupied and I believe that's all that matters. I enjoy myself. What do you like to do usually?

Hope you are feeling as well as can be today. Take care ️ 

Just read you were in hospital Eddie. Aw I hope you are okay loovy. Let me know how you are please x

morning Marie, I am just on my way to the hospice, so will post later, TFT, thyroid function test, bloods" Arrrgh, but rules out it causing your moon face, xx

Hi Marie, how is the research going, is there anything in particular you're drawn to, simple breathing exercises work for most including me, I just prefer relaxation as I can control pain using it, and Hayward House sounds fab, very similar to my day hospice, if it is you'll love it, have you been for a look round?, at least you know it will be wheelchair friendly.

Was that the B team on PICC duty, why can't they do it at the same time you have your bloods?, good you've got the week off, even if it's not entirely for your benefit, and well done for for switching off from it, 

Your corticosteroids do offer pain relief Marie, and a reduced dose may cause an increase in pain, but so could other things, something to ask your team. Christmas food shop No1, made me laugh, I actually buy less groceries at this time, and I am not sure what vouchers are, but if they cover the cost of your shopping,  I  must get some, 

I hope those miserable  Aholes, didn't put you off going to Tesco, just ignore them, and I hope you enjoyed M&S, was tht shop  No3?, and that's fab your grandson has arrived, I'm not surprised he's happy visiting Nana and granddad, he gets spoilt, and quite right too 

Sorry about the moonface Marie,  I didn't realise you've been on steroids a year, that is a long time, and the likely cause, if they can add  a TFT when they do your bloods, maybe worth considering 

I've been feeling awful for about a week, a couple of days in hospital, and things aren't so bad, hospice, counselling and cancer hospital today, I got to hospital very early, so popped into the charity part for a cuppa, and the masseur said someone's cancelled would I like one, yes please, just DN & GP tomorrow, then clear to the 30th. I'm Baby sitting,  my aunties, Lesley and daughters are having a girls night out,  I've got the over 4yo, both girls putting 2 of the 3 youngest, both boys in bed, while I have the difficult Job of cuddling Mandy. What are your plans for tomorrow Marie, Christmas Eve already, I am stopping here at the farm till the morning.

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. I looked at easy things I could remember and do. The 444 breathing technique and the 54321 activity. That one seemed useful. I'm with you on the breathing, the only problem is as you know, is when tumour is playing up can affect the pressure on my heart when deep breathing. Still that's not all the time and well worth the try. I'm looking forward to Hayward house and no I haven't been. All I know is it's at city hospital. I will go and see what the plan is lol Looking forward to it. 

Yes Eddie exactly I found out I didn't have chemo on Monday by the receptionist last week. Even though they probably thought they were doing me a favour it would have been nice to be asked. The reason I have to still go in for dressing change is because they tell me I have 10 days to get it done and if I leave it till Friday means I exceed that. They say this also contributes to it not working. Hmmmm lol

When Dave shops through the year he gets vouchers and saves them to spend at Christmas. There were quite a lot. Some were for sainsburys and some for tescos. But we're very spoilt and like a bit of M & S. Yes, that was shop number 3 lol Dave and Amy went yesterday and got everything needed. All done. I didn't go. Unfortunately not great and in pain. Will keep going and give the lower dose a fighting chance but, yes, I'm due to discuss this with oncologist at my next appointment. I guess should it get too unbearable I will have to take that Oramorph. I just haven't taken it for that long I feel I don't want to return. 

I am causing confusion again. Re the steroids in the past year I've had 2 rounds of chemo and was only on steroids when taking that. Otherwise I didn't get them to recently. On a permanent basis that is. When we went to the New Forest. Sorry!!

Sorry to hear you was in hospital but glad to hear you're okay again. Phew thank goodness. You sound like you had just what you needed with your massage and all. Ace!! Hope the babysitting went well lol I expect you did a grand job. 

Don't go out Christmas Eve. I laze and enjoy the day. Amy is cooking. The ham amongst other bits I believe. I will be eating lot's of yummies lol Dave is working lol If I don't hear from you have the most wonderful Christmas. Enjoy Eddie you deserve it. Give my love to all your family. And to anybody else part of this thread a very merry Christmas to you too X

Hi Marie, you have picked 2 good one's to start with, I used to do the breathe in for 6 seconds and out slowly for , but it's beyond me now, the 4444 is "easier ",  and the 54321, can be enjoyable at the same time, but I hope you try relaxation therapy as it helps with a few things. I'm sure Hayward will be similar to my hospice and be fab.

That's so nice of them not to ask you, then blame you for the PICC problems. 

Are these vouchers like a loyalty scheme, I really don't like them, the scrooge/Scottish in me likes a bargain, but when you get to the checkout and find out the special offer is to members only, I'm not  pleased.

M&S are fab, bet they've been advertising one of those loyalty card things too, sad.

3 shops Marie, for 4 people, for a week, good luck with that, and sorry your pain stopped you getting to the shops.

Im a big believer in giving things a chance Marie, but not for too long, if in doubt call your PCN or DN, I hope you know when you can contact them over the holidays 

I'm very easily confused, especially by myself, so please don't blame yourself you probably explained everything perfectly to me and I just forgot.

It's good to get home from the hospital, hopefully for a little time, chest pains ok, bone cancer pain, I have my paracetamol, relaxation and CBT/ACT training to help, and the massage was a lovely surprise, as was finding the staff canteen at my cancer hospital, we had 2 nice meals and a pot of tea for £5 for both of us fab.

I'm a natural when it comes to baby sitting, well that's what my kids say, had my DN and GP appointments, just bloods and a Gastro to appointment to put in the diary, so nothing till Monday yippee.

Sounds wonderful, a home roasted ham and lot's of yummies is compulsory, but poor Dave having to work, poor lad, give him a hug from me, and a big hug to you my friend., and I hope you and your family have a fabulous Christmas together, a special one for a very special person.

love Eddie xx 

Good afternoon and I hope you and all have had the most wonderful Christmas. I have done little but chilled, hobbyed and eaten. It's been lovely. Amy cooked Christmas dinner and she did such a grand job. It was delicious. Grandson was spoilt rotten and he was really pleased with his presents. He is go karting today and back home tomorrow. It's gone so quick! 

Went to get my bloods done Friday. Unfortunately PICC line didn't work at all. She took the blood from my arm. Which means I'm expecting problems when go for chemo on Monday but I'll just have to cross that bridge when it happens. 

I don't believe these vouchers are anything to do with a loyalty scheme no. If I'm not mistaken they may be to do with a credit card. I know Dave goes on about using a credit card to pay for the shopping then clearing it at the end of month. I shall find out. 

My pain subsided and I did speak to Helen. I'm left feeling like a very big fat sausage in a very tight skin lol That's the best way to describe it to you. Not painful but uncomfortable and discomfort. I feel my breathing is a little laboured too. Helen wants to up the Zomorph. I have been taking the Oramorph but not much at all. Helen doesn't think it warrants upping the Zomorph yet. Watch this space. 

Well, enough of me. I'm glad you are well after hospital and that you have picked up your activities again. Awesome! What news have you? How are you and yours? And how was your Christmas? Xxx

Hi Marie, chilled and eaten sounds good to me, we, Emma and I, have just got back from Woodborough, where I had the "pleasure", of dinner with 5 of her Uni friends, the food was lovely.

Sorry to hear they couldn't get your PICC working, can I ask they do flush the lines before and after use?, and when the use a throbolytic to unblock, they give it a hour to work, I'm assuming their qualified to use one, hopefully you'll get someone else on Monday

It's good to hear your pain has eased, is this with the reduction of your steroids and no increase in pain relief, looks like Helen is on top of things, did she say anything about how you feel, RE, sausage/tight skin, you don't have any tenderness do you, and you should start a diary, noting all your issues in relation to exercise, treatment, medication, eating/sleeping and how your feeling.

Well I'm on Christmas dinner No5, Wed it was Halibut at my aunties, with all her family, then pheasant with J&J in the evening, Thurs big family dinner at the farm, fab, Fri, went to hospice early with cakes and biscuits for staff and patients, which was lovely, then J&J, Poppy and I went to Scarborough in the afternoon for a few hours, no driving forme, and today at The Four Bells Inn down your way, and off to Lesleys later. 

I'e not started exercise yet, I have a heart and spine scan on Monday, so will wait for results, and see Gastro on Monday too, 5 days after referral, that was unusually quick.

Tomorrow is dinner with my allotment neighbour, not sure if she's taking me out, or cooking, and rest.

Good luck on Monday, Marie, to both of us, and say Hi to the family for me, I  think I should go on a diet, but not today, take care my friend.

love Eddie xx