How to go about asking how much time you have left?

Its been well over 1 year since diagnosis and I sort of want to know a rough time frame - for how long I have left 

I've had first and second line treatment and have recently been put on a 'treatment break', wiith regular scans.

Apparently there's one more treatment they can give me when it all kicks off again, but apparently it's a very aggressive treatment and my Oncologist has hinted it could do more harm than good (only about 10% chance of being effective, with horrendous side effects to boot)

I get the feeling they're trying to put me off having it and are gently suggesting I go for quality over quantity in future.

I think I'm at the point now where I feel I ought to ask the dreaded question.

But how does a person go about asking it?

I'm also  worried about what my reaction will be, if its 'months', will I fall to bits?

Also, what if 'knowing it' becomes self fulfilling?

Any advice? X

  • Hmmm..i don't really want to know. Why! ..If they would say you got twelve months or so what's the difference??  Or they say 2 months?? Then what?? I just enjoy my life and when i would feel sick again then i can react. But that's me 

  • Pet is right Ms Bellie.

    and unless you are on your last legs, they don’t know. They really don’t. They are not in the guessing game either. 
    I asked in 2017 when I was diagnosed, they said 8 months to a year. Remind me of what date it is now! 
    you can’t put it out of your mind, most of us worry daily about how long, hasn’t changed anything though.

    follow their advice, they generally have your best interests at heart.

    you will get some other answers I am sure. Best wishes.

  • I did t either, but now I do.

  • I didn't want to k ow but now I do.

  • Not sure why it posted twice. Sorry about that!  Interested in as many opinions as possible.  X

  • My friend asked my oncologist how long I had left. I was fuming as I didn't want to no and told her that before we went in .so I was put on the spot and agreed to him telling me when she.came out and said I don't care bev I'm goin to ask while he was sat there. Bang my world collapsed at the news and everything changed.i left work as I didn't want to spend what time I had left working amd not seeing people I love. I've gone way past the time they gave me and hopefully I will for a long time to come. So my advice is think really hard and can you cope with knowing. If I could turn back the clock I would av stood my ground and said no. X

  • Thanks for that. Its food for thought.

  • Hi  

    Good to hear from you. If you are on a treatment break does that mean you are stable at the minute? If you are not requiring treatment, who is to say how long this period will last, which is good. 

    I didn't ask for a time prognosis until I was finished chemo. It was a telephone consultation with oncologist. He looked at when I was diagnosed etc then said 2-3 years but I could add this time after treatment to that (which has been a year). What he said is not fixed in my mind as anything could happen but I was just interested to know his opinion. I was reckoning on about 5 years which it sort of is. 

    Everyone is different, if you want to know, ask the question but don't stick rigid to what they tell you as a lot of members of the group are way past their estimate.

    A x

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  • I asked my oncologist as politely as possible. She told me 6-12 months if I didn’t have any treatment. I told her that wasn’t an option and we gave chemo a bash. They can only give you various timeframe’s based on what treatment you are on, and have already had. Some treatments improve your prognosis, so the goalposts are constantly changing! Make sure you really want to know before you ask. Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • Hi, My only advice would be to enjoy every day, as it comes and don't put yourself under pressure by asking a question no one has the answer to! 
    All they can do is give you a rough estimate. Mine, which I didn't ask for, was 5-7 months. Then I went on a Drug Trial and was told it 'could' give me an extra 7-9 months but there was no guarantee! As there were no other options, I agreed to the Trial. After really bad side effects, I came off the drug just over 3 years later and my oncologist, my husband and I agreed we would hold off trying anything else and wait and see, having regular scans.

    That was October 2016 and we are still watching and waiting. To me, it is a miracle being so far past my sell by date. I just live each day and feel truly blessed I'm still here to watch our grandchildren grow!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!