Strange experience!

Hi Barb, I’m sorry such a lovely event has left you feeling like this.  I hope you don’t mind putting my view on this. 

I was reading through your post, and I think you hit the nail on the head. Your friend has had breast cancer, so she knows how sometimes it is just nice to feel normal, and not talk about cancer. Maybe her saying you look well, was her way of opening up the conversation to see if you wanted to talk about it?   

Some people just don’t know how to talk about it, or how to start that conversation. I don’t think your friend meant to be insensitive. Maybe drop her a line and tell her how you feel xx 

chellesimo

Hi Chelle, she mentioned I looked well to my hubby when I was out of earshot, not to me! Anyway Rick didn't give anyone else a chance to talk! 

Jen's talked to me about it, just seemed they didn't perhaps want their family, even with grown up children, to venture into that conversation.

I'm always very upbeat about it, don't go sobbing into my drink, it's what it is! Pi***s me off but he-ho

Barb xx

Hii Barb ️

I'm glad you enjoyed meeting up with your friends and their children, though I'm sorry it's left you feeling this way. I'm not sure why your friend didn't want to talk about it, maybe because she's in the clear now and doesn't want to upset you or she doesn't want to be reminded of her own cancer? I don't know. It could be a number of things I guess. Still doesn't make it any easier for you of course.

Last year I saw an old school friend when I was in the town and she stopped and spoke for a little bit. She knew I had cancer but she didn't ask about it or ask how I was doing or how the family were doing. That left me feeling a bit upset after. I put it down to that maybe she didn't want to upset me. But still not sure if that's what it was.

I hope you won't let this upset you to much today lovely xx

Sending you lots of hugs and love,

Love Jess xx

It sounds like you feel let down but your friend. I’m sorry that has happened. I have had a situation with a very close friend before when I was talking about my condition, she said “oh I thought you were cured!”   I’m not sure how a friendship can become that disconnected that she didn’t know. Very disappointing when you realise that your friends are not the friends you thought they were. 

Sending hugs xx 

That's sad and rough for you Chelle. Things like that really show you who your real friends are.

Sending love and hugs xx

Love Jess xx

Could it be that they hoped to give you a distraction, just a little time where it was like the old days?  Or maybe the incurable word has made them unsure what to say.   I love it when my cancer doesn’t come up in conversation it’s like life is normal for a very short period ?

Hi Barb

Hi Barb

I am sorry you have had that experience. Since I have been incurable I have had lots of support from friends and also people outside of my friendship circle. But one of my closest friends has shown little or no interest in my condition either to me or to mutual friends when the subject of me has come up. Some people really  step up and some just don’t sadly. I have found myself gravitating towards those those who I know are supportive, even though we certainly don’t talk about cancer all the time. Hopefully, like me, you will your friend is in the minority.

best wishes

Nigel xx

Ha!  This would be a dream conversation for me because it means that I am more than the cancer within me to these friends.   Although saying it, it sounds as if Rick turned the conversation into a monologue. which I agree, sends a different message entirely.   

I've decided I'm only telling people about my cancer if I have a definite reason why they need to know and why it is to my benefit.  

I think it should be all about what we want.  If we want to talk and be open about it then fine, but if we want it private then that's fine too.  I remember when I went to visit my family to tell them my diagnosis I couldn't get a word in edgeways - for three households!  In the end I just had to abruptly interrupt with a changed tone to get their attention because it was time to tell them!   

Perhaps next time will be different?  Or take your friend away for a walk to discuss it 1-2-1? 

I know this is a theme which re-occurs every so often. I have neighbours who never ever ask me how I am, and others who do and  find that weird. Same with friends - good friends ask me about how I am doing but then we have conversations about other stuff, including their lives and troubles. Some people just cant face talking about it and fear upsetting us, others have no idea how to ask, and some people are just plain self centred!

I remember when I was diagnosed with the original cancer, I was just thrown by how two old friends just never contacted me, no card or anything, It really hurt at the time but eventually I moved on and now dont have those friends.

We are all different in our outlook on how we want to be asked about our health - some clearly just dont want it acknowledged, others do, in passing, and some are happy to talk openly. I do look back and wonder how I may have ben insensitve to other people over the years too.

Hope you can get over your strange feelings.

xx