Strange experience!

Hi Barb, yes it is weird...i had this with some friends...but after a while you get your friends sorted, real friends or not. But as you said it was hard to get a word in anyway...maybe next time you start talking first. 

I had a similar experience when I met up with one of my oldest friends and her sister for lunch after not seeing her for a couple of years.

we were all chatting and my husband was chatting and we didn’t really get a chance to talk about my cancer.

we did catch up when we met later and my friend and I were on our own and it felt a lot better.

It does feel strange when things are not discussed xx

I still think of them as real friends - I don't sort of parade my cancer as a banner if you know what I mean. It's there and I accept it. I'd hate it if they all started crying over me but I'd also like to talk about it rather than hide it!

Hugs, Barb xx

Hi Barb. Years ago when I had to go to 'events' as part of my work I knew I'd struggle as I can't do small-talk. My husband used to say 'Just ask them about themselves' and then nod a bit. Well, over the years this has proved to be the case time and time again - and even with some friends. They do like talking about themselves and never ask anything about how you are doing or your family.Let alone the cancer angle.

My close friends can talk about my cancer and do, but they don't dwell on it. They are practically minded and will offer support that is enabling and constructive. Thankfully, they're not the sort to bang on about doom and gloom all the time. Some of my family used to do that and it really annoyed me.

The other thing I think is that talking about cancer impinges on their own mortality, almost as if by discussing it, they are inviting it into their own lives by proxy. Like it's a curse they might absorb. People can be funny about absorbing negativity like that. My own focus is to push that away and we all have our work cut out so doing.

So onwards & upwards Barb.

Rainie x

Hi Barb, we have talked about this before, it comes up now and again. It's so very common that old friends act strange and don't sometimes know how to approach the subject of our cancer.

In my own case I employed a guy who became so very close. He worked for me for 20 years and some days we spent 7 or 8 hours together in my van and guess what? I used to go see him at home and he has said he would come to see me. We live about 14 miles apart and I haven't heard from him for about 4 years. I'm not sure if he can cope with the fact that I have an incurable cancer, I really don't know. Our lines of communication have been left open and you know, it hurts, it does. Some days we spent more time with each other than we did with our wives. 

It's just a horrible experience that we share together in this group, I'm glad we have each other to share our lives. We understand each other and that is a bond that's so strong. 

Take care and stay safe everyone

Tvman xx

Hi Barb, I get this quit often. I don't think some people feel comfortable with the  ( incurable) thing. I asked one person why? she thought I'd feel uncomfortable talking about it, because I dont  often talk about it. I replied Because I'm still me, not cancer. I think we feel like being ignored when that happens  XX

Yes it is hurtful when people just ignore you but it is their loss and we have our lives to get in with x