Having a meltdown!!!

37 I have no chance then, I may as well accept it! It would probably make my life easier. He said he will help if I ask him, so that’s a start. Thank you xxx

Thanks Sal. It’s great to hear it’s normal and I’m not alone 

xxx

Thank you Ellie. I think you’re right, and now I can see, that carrying on as normal, is the best thing to do. He doesn’t say much about it, but tbh, I want him to carry on the same, I’ve said that all along, I guess I just got overwhelmed yesterday and it all got on top of me. Thank you xxx

Omg Jane, I could have written that. I have one son left at home aged 37 and have had the arguments etc. I said many times out loud that it's just like having a teenager at home. I've said to him that he is part of the household therefore he should be helping in the running of it. 

I think he has turned the corner of responsibility because these days he will empty and load the dishwasher, he'll vacuum his room, cut most of the hedges because being in a wheelchair it's not that easy for me. Every 5 years or so he will help in the painting of the render on the outside. Apart from helping to feed a branch of wood for me to cut with the chainsaw ( I can use it whilst sitting), we can't work together because he just won't listen. 

He may complete the tasks that I have mentioned, but slowly and in his own time which means a lot of lip biting on my behalf. Sometimes it takes me to start something which jogs him into taking over.

Good luck Jane, I hope your son starts to realise that he is an equal family member. He wouldn't expect to have to clear up after you, why should he expect you to clear up after him.

Tvman

Hi Jane, This is the third time I've tried this, the others disappeared!      I thought about you yesterday when our son came in and asked if his dad or I wanted tea or coffee, he was making one for himself anyway!! (Btw his wife and son are in NI for a few days) Then he asked what we were having for dinner and was there enough for him to stay! Of course there is always enough! LOL!! He is now 48 by the way!

Someone asked what have we done wrong! We, as mums, have done nothing wrong but just done too much for them as they were growing up and even once they are adults. Yes I would have probably have ironed that shirt too! 

The best thing you can do for yourself, is avoid confrontation. However, if you are feeling tired etc, why not start by asking him to put the kettle on for a cuppa! He will most likely do just that, so if you want him to 'make' a cup of something, you will probably have to be more specific! If you need help, ask for it. I think this is the hardest thing to do when cancer interferes with your life. If he gets used to doing small things, it is a start!

A Healthy Happy New Year to EVERYONE!!

Hi Tvman, You are right to avoid working together because your son will do things his way, which won't be the way you would do it. The trouble sometimes is we don't give them a chance to make a mistake and that's how we all learn.

I'm sure our 'children' think the house stays clean by itself, same as washing and ironing magically arrive back in their rooms. I wonder who they think puts the food in the cupboard, so that if they feel like a treat at night, it seems to magic itself into the cupboard! Your son is young enough yet and sounds willing enough to help, if asked. Maybe we just don't ask enough as it's easier to do it ourselves as others have said!

This isn’t the best website, the messages don’t always show up and it’s hard to follow the stream of messages sometimes. Anyway, thank you again for your reply, I have no idea if you’ve seen mine as it seemed to disappear again. 
I guess it will never change, I am getting my mum to teach me to knit at the moment lol, and I’m 50!

Its a good idea to avoid confrontation though, as I’m a do it now person, and want to see him jump to it, but my son is the most relaxed person on the planet and nothing is ever a rush, in his eyes. But I love the fact he’s laid back, but it does cause problems sometimes. 
thank you again for listening and replying. Always here if anyone else wants a rant  

This cancer business is very stressful, alongside all the other rubbish to deal with!

xxx take care 

Sometimes your own posts only show if you click ' View online' then you will see the stream including yours.

Don't forget to 'Pearl one ' and don't drop any stitches. I should never have watched the Sewing Bee!

Hmmmn I’m not sure what you mean, so I’m just posting this random message to see what options I get thank you  
haha I’ve not learnt pearl yet 

x 

When you get this you will see 'view on line' just about where the reply box is..Click on that and the thread including your posts will appear.

When you post you will see that post. Later on it looks like it has disappeared but it is there and you will see it on 'view online'

I've confused myself now, I am a complete technophobe, please someone explain more clearly.

When there was much more inappropriate behaviour and laughter on here and we had difficulties like I am currently ,experiencing, we would post; 'I'm not well you know', and hide behind that!

You can now see why I was regularly suspended. Feel free to complain to the moderators or wait for Chellisimo or some useful like that to make things more clear.

I'll get my coat!