Having a meltdown!!!

Hello Jane. We don't have kids, our choice,  but I certainly remember being the most useless son ever along with my older sisters.

My Mum would perpetually be telling us not to treat the place like a hotel. She used words that would make me blush but she was so right. Of course this all becomes obvious once you have realised that a bit of effort would not go unappreciated.

Too late by then of course although you spend the rest of your life appreciating your parents every day.

Of course you want to clump him or at least poke him with a stick but you will just give yourself a headache.

Pity you can't call Parentline the same as your nuisance kids threaten to call Childline and grass up the little scroat.

He could be hiding from your illness, a lot for a kid to cope with I imagine, can your husband have a proper chat with him to explain the effect all of this is having on you. You have probably tried this but it might be worth a go. What about a week away with some relatives or friends, a nice sleepover with loads of wine might not solve the problem but will give you a bit of respite.

Post on here all day and every day.

I bet people with kids have experienced something similar, hopefully they can offer some advice and support.

Best wishes. Xx

Hi Jane and welcome back. Oh it all sounds so familiar! We have a son and daughter who now have their own families, so can now see things from a parents point of view. Their children are still young yet, so at the stage of 'wanting' to help but that will change!! Twenty is a difficult age for parents and children! They are now adults but if still in education then they are not independent. The parents still treat them like children because they act like children, leaving towels on the floor after a shower and leaving their empty cup or glass just wherever it landed! The problem is, it is easier to pick up after them than keep nagging about them clearing up!

Things will get better but I'm afraid not for a while yet as they only seem to appreciate just how much parents do for them, once they have a place of their own and no one is there to put food in the cupboard or iron their favourite shirt for a night out! Our son has come full circle and is amazing! To be honest, our daughter was the complete opposite, tidy and thoughtful, think it must be a male/female thing. 
Hang on in there Jane and as Norberry said, come here and let off steam day or night, it helps!

Jane, been there and es got the tee shirt.

My Eldest son, was so untied, thought he was staying in a hotel, and i was the housekeeper

, i worked till ten at night, would come home mum need a shirt for morning and yes i did it.

How things changed as he got older, now married does all the ironing, shopping, stripping beds and cooking,

 I sometimes think where did i go wrong, but at the time, it was quicker doing it yourself,rather than all the rants and screaming.

Its not easy being parents does not come with a handbook.

As Norberry said perhaps he is hiding from your illness, when i got diagnosed, i told my children do not try and smoother  me, you have never done it and if yo do i will think something is wrong.

Perhaps he is carrying on  like he always has, because if he changes, he is acknowledging mum is not well. and really is in denial.

You Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Jane, 

We've had all our kids home for Christmas, at some point this holiday, and I really think they just reverted to being kids and needing telling what needs doing, they are 30, 28 and 25, we have been a bit surprised how much direction they needed if we wanted them to do anything, especially as my elderly parents have been here and have been really helpful! We haven't shouted because my parents have picked up the slack, not sure what would have happened otherwise! 

I guess this doesn't help your situation, other than to say it's not unusual 

Well Jane, looking at all your replies it appears that unless you have a magic wand you can do no more than you have, including the shouting.

As Ellie said, she has been there and got the tee shirt along with plenty of others on here. A small consolution that you are miles from being  alone with your troubles. 

It would be great if you could all get some enjoyment over the rest of the holiday. Xxxxx

Thank you all so much, I can see there is some great advice here, and I will sit down properly later and read it all again, and reply properly. Just off to take my son to get his new car, as mums do  

xxxx

Your son s behaving normally. Mine is still like it . My husband and I pick up his empty glasses every day when he stays with us. He is 37 now. And he and my daughter revert to being kids when they are with us.

we love them so much. We just get on with it and it it’s easier to do that. If I ask them they will help but they still have to be prompted. Often it is easier to do it your self. I know it is hard when you are ill.

He will grow up one day xxx

Already a small improvement then, make sure you wash his car regularly as well, you are a good Mum whatever is going on.

Thanks Annette. You are right, I guess as I’m now ill, I was expecting him to suddenly change his whole personality. He never puts anything back, as you say, they are all the same. I feel much better now, everyone’s been great on here. Thank you 

I will try to relax a bit more 

Take care xx

I thought I’d replied but I can’t see it now, not sure if reposting it 15 times  

Thanks for your messages though, great advice and made me smile too. A big challenge these days xx