Another valueless post!

Hi Norberry, I know you mentioned ironing and your hormones tongue in cheek but I just had to say although I don’t like ironing, it does have the advantage for me that I can watch TV at the same time, the joys of being a multitasking woman. 

Thank you for posting, as I have a phone onc appointment on Wednesday the results for today’s scan. My last phone call was 4 hours early and I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been, and I’d forgotten that, so thank you, I must prepare my feedback, questions and jot down some reminders the day before. 

I am wondering if you have a very long garden, I hope so as that makes your rush more impressive. 

Take care

. So this week I’ve  burst into tears uncontrollably, been angry with multiple colleagues bemoaned my growing breasts, anguished over hot flushes ,deep cleaned my en-suite thinking I could smell urine (feeling I’ve leaked or missed due to shrinkage caused by hormone therapy, I think each day I’ve struggled not not cry on more than one occasion, oh the joys of long term hormone therapy. How long before I get sacked for hormonal rage or pissing in my office chair, of course my company won’t understand. I’ve felt excluded, written off, sidelined, exhausted, all because of the joys of hormone therapy they call it. I think you got away lightly.  although I am also partial to chocolate and have drank more whiskey than beneficial tonight.

As for multi tasking this week I’ve struggled single tasking

KTatHome Hi, Like you, I used to always make sure I had something good to watch while ironing and would stand in front of the tv! Now I can't stand to iron and sitting takes me five times as long, so I don't like it these days. I try to buy non iron shirts for my husband now!

Norberry Hi I have been trying to figure out why the heading on your post? There is no such thing as a valueless post! You have reminded KT that her oncologist phoned early last time, so because of your post, she will be all organised this time! I hope you didn't injure yourself, they would have phoned back because they knew they were early! I had a phone consult yesterday morning the appointment time was 9.20am. My oncologist phoned at 10.50am apologising because she was held up during the ward rounds she does before her clinic! I had remembered to write everything down the night before and ticked off each question once I got an answer! She wants me to get my bloods done and go for an urgent MRI scan.

YoungMan Hi I don't think we have chatted before,so welcome, but I read your post, then read your Profile page. Am I right in thinking that you haven't told your work colleagues what is happening? Maybe if you did, they would be a bit more supportive! I couldn't believe they were told you were on holiday,while you were in for surgery! Is there a reason you didn't tell them? Cancer can affect anyone, anytime! Even presidents, actors, singers and tv personalities can get it. It's nothing you did or didn't do, so why not be honest!

Hi Norberry

You do make me laugh. Tell me it was a cheeky rollie you were having in the garden? I’m partial to one of those myself but I daren’t. One puff and I’m soon back on full time smoking including a 4am roll up. 

Anyway. Back to you. So things are stable? I’d hardly call this valueless. Thank you for the opportunity to share your joy. I’d dance round the kitchen but I’m not at home and I can’t dance. I know. I’ll do a hand jive from my hospital bed in celebration and crack open a bar of Green and Blacks. To hell with it being 4am. 

As for multi tasking a good friend of mine has a theory. Women don’t multitask, he’s observed. They do more than one thing at once and all of them badly. I think I agree a lot of the time - and only speaking for myself. 

YoungMan I am sorry long term hormone therapy is such a grind. I have no experience of it but it sounds awful. I think I agree with Annette. How can colleagues sympathetise if they don’t know? But perhaps that’s a feminine approach. Women are much more open about these things and we are cultured to be supportive of each other. Maybe the world of men is different. You know best. 

Back to Norberry and chocolate. Damn this G&B is good. Thanks for the excuse. Cheers mate! 

xxx

Ah Norberry,

The joy of watching somebody else work, added to the pleasure of being able to direct someone else as to what needs doing.  No wonder you were enjoying the pleasure of a sneaky smoke.

I smoked heavily for many years before giving up about 18 years ago but still one of my first thoughts on being diagnosed incurable was "does that mean I can start smoking again?"

I would rather people are late than early.  Being lazy I always have too much to do at the last minute so when guests arrive early I am still in the shower or preparing the food or vacuuming the floor or some other task and it takes me an hour or so to get settled.  If they are fashionably late I am relaxed and laid back.  I would be the same with a phone call.

YoungMan,

I'm not sure from your post if you have told your colleagues or not.  I know that you didn't tell them initially.  I didn't tell my colleagues about the reason for my op until after I had been through it.  That was mainly as it was meant to be curative and i didn't want to deal with all the explanations in advance.

When it returned i was told it was terminal.  I have subsequently been advised that it is incurable but untreatable but not then.  I wanted to tell my family which i did face to face in one day.  I also felt i needed to tell my colleagues as i wanted to keep on working but was aware the disease was going to impact my ability.

I chickened out of the face to face route and very carefully wrote an e mail explaining what was wrong and what i would like to happen.  I got my line manager to check it to make sure it was ok.  Then i booked a day off and sent the e mail the night before as i left.  That gave everyone the opportunity to read it and talk about me behind my back and to give them time to work out how to approach me.

Apparently there were lots of tears which appealed to my vanity but which I am extremely grateful I wasn't there for.  When I returned some people had responded by e mail and others approached me to offer me sympathy but also to talk to me about it as I had invited them to do but without overwhelming me.  There were a few strange reactions.  One person only talked to me if they absolutely had to but if someone else asked how I was doing you could see them listening to every word I said.  Another one wanted to start a collection and do some fundraising for my son going straight through sympathy for me and going to my son (in fairness he was about 9 at the time and cute).

Most of my colleagues treated me normally as I had asked them to do.  Some were quite protective of me.  As things progressed I was able to keep them informed and help some of them understand cancer a bit better.  It is perhaps not surprising that they wanted to know given how many people are having to deal with cancer personally or in a relative now.  I later clarified that I was now incurable but responding to treatment.  I left work a few years ago now but still get invited to social do's and update them on my treatment still.

I meet one of them most weeks (prior to lock down) and a group of the other every now and then for a Friday night drink.  Every now and then they travel the 20 miles on the train to where I live so that I don't have to travel to them.  Outside of my family and this community they have been my biggest support.

I too like chocolate and live close to York.  When I was younger my family usually knew some one who worked in the chocolate factory and who could get us reduced price chocolate from the staff shop.  It did not take me long to discover my ability to binge on chocolate.  It ended up with me taking four full sized kit kats to work each day, one for each coffee break and two for after lunch.  I would happily sit and eat a full 1lbs bag of misshapes whilst watching a film on tv and soon the chocolate I was buying to last me a month was only lasting a week.  I finally and with much sadness decided that I would have to restrict my self to buying chocolate from the shop as without this financial restraint my appetite did not restrict my consumption in the slightest.

It also means that I do not really appreciate the high quality chocolate that others like as for me it was quantity over quality every time.  I also think that having grown up with good but every day chocolate, my tastebuds are attuned to that now.

I don't know what it was about your posts that suddenly caused such an outpouring of my history.  Perhaps it's because it is quite early and very quiet here at the moment.  Anyway, having written it I'm not going to delete it.

All the best to everyone,

Gragon xx

anndanv . It was the biopsy that I didn’t tell colleagues about, my boss had to know due to sick leave. Since the biopsy I had surgery 7 weeks off then 6 months chemotherapy so they all knew at the end. During chemo they were supportive in that I took one week off sick and generally worked from home for two weeks until the end of the cycle, I went into the office one day in the final week of the cycle.

I guess like others I feel like sometimes I should do better, It’s the lack of communication in general now, colleagues believe that because I’ve had surgery, finished chemo  that all must be magically back to normal.

Just a readjustment to be made, not to expect too much from myself or others.

 Men just tend to not talk about weaknesses, It’s a weakness we have.  I’m fairly open at times to the right person.  Some men don’t want to be reminded that we’re fragile

Hello KT, I think after three years of hormone treatment I can definitely see both sides of the gender devide. I have even grown a 32a but just on one side, bit of a nuisance!

Yes I do have a very long but incredible steep garden that only goats can scale. We hope to be moving in the spring to small house, small garden and small dog.

I hope your scan shows good results.

Gragon you are so right about watching work, it is unbeatable. When I was diagnosed I said will I have to give up smoking, drinking and just eat grass? He said none of those things will save you so I have sort of carried on as normal, just smoking as a treat now and again.

Of course it was a rollie daloni, golden amber I think it was called. Made me properly pleasurably dizzy. Kept to a now and again basis it cant be beaten. If you cannot be trusted not to resume to full time smoking then you can only enjoy one vicariously through my post.

I am stable at the moment thanks but it does appear that I am out of warrenty now so I must try to live for the day. Could never do it before so not optimistic.

I am amazed that your chum could  offer such an observation on women and multitasking, I cant even dare to secretly smile in case her indoors catches me out!

The sooner you are not on first name terms with ambulance and hospital staff the better. Come home soon.x

Hello anndanv. Thank you for your post. Of course you are right, the phone call would have taken place eventually but because it had been on my mind for so long I panicked. You do sound properly organised and I will learn from your example. I do hope your scan is positive.