How many treatment options attempts?

Hi

I am so sad to read about how depressed you are. You sound really down. Crying all day is not a good sign. Are you in touch with your GP about your depression? 

I can’t answer your question about how many lines of treatment you may be offered. I can’t see inside your oncologist’s head and I’m not a doctor. However, my experience has taught me two important things. The first is that oncologists want to keep us alive. It’s why they go to work. The second is that you can never pin them down on a long term plan. They stay very much in the current treatment, just possibly extending to the one after but definitely no further. It’s an unpredictable disease and no doctor is going to commit to a long term plan when the cancer might very well have other ideas. 

I think it’s extremely unlikely that anyone is preparing to dump you. I think this way of thinking might well be the product of your depression.  Gosh that sounds awful. I’m not trying to minimise what’s clearly a very real worry for you. I’m just trying to give a different perspective based on my own experience. 

I hope your scan shows the.chemo is continuing to work. In the meantime, is there some one you can talk to face-to-face about your depression? It feels important that you should. 

Lots of love xxx

Hi Daloni thank you for your kind words.I am already on antidepressants.From a optimistic person and I am going down to the very pessimistic one and start thinking whats the point to be bothered with this horrible chemo just to gain few months.I dont want to live few months to spend them in the hospital.I am so sick and tired with the.hospital.

Now they forcing me to have a face to face appt when the hospital is one of the virus centre so I am going to make up a story that I fell and hurt my leg and cant walk just to dont have to go there.They can tell me the results over the phone.Even if its a bad news.I am seeing always a different doctor and I am fed up with that too.IExcept my work I dont enjoy anything in my life anymore.My husband is gettinf angry with me crying.

Hi Janet,

I was so sorry to read your post especially as you are so young. You could get in touch with your GP & ask if it is possible to transfer to another hospital. The other thing is maybe they could u the dosage of the anti -depressants.

Daloni is right Oncologists don't look to far ahead as things are changing all the time & for sure they are trying to keep us alive. It would be better if you could meet an Oncologist face to face & to take somebody with you. Try to prepare a list of questions prior to going as I find this helps. 

I have had to change Oncologists within the same hospital,& I did see the new one face to face on my first appointment,but the next one is a telephone Consultation,which I don't mind, as I feel I do have confidence in her. At present I do not know if my chemo is going to work on my recurrence, but I am trying hard to believe it will. At this stage I haven't even asked what might come next.

I hope that this helps, & that you will feel better about things.

Georgette x

Hi Georgette thank you for your reply.Today I am feeling the same very tired and down.I feel like i am beeing tortured.My oncologist never discuss anything with me only thing he ask how I am feeling and rubbish questions about tingling.i will he honest I dont care anymore about this and that.I dont think I can deal with this anymore.Its nearly 1 year i am on weeky chemo and had enough of wekly blood tests and sitting in that chair.I though returning to work will help me but not too much.Also i havent slept since treatment started properly waking up in sweats every 2 hrs but its pointless to say anything to the oncologist because they wont do anything about it anyway.I wonder how people manage to be on treatment many years when I cant cope with it already after 1 year.

Oh ! You sound very low still. I don’t know if I was expecting anything different but it’s so hard not to be able to wave a magic wand and make you better. 

I am at the chemo unit today for my weekly session. I get every fourth week off. I’ve been in more or less continuous treatment since November 2016. Each treatment has bought me some time but each has come at a cost. I never quite recover to the same level I started.

I have teenage children so for me, as much time as possible is my key priority. For others it might be quality of life that matters more. I think we each need to understand why we are putting ourselves through treatment and therefore if it’s worth it. Knowing when to say no is not something that comes easy. 

How do I get through each treatment? I focus on each day as it comes and on finding the joy in that day. There’s always something joyful. Today I met a nice woman at the unit and we had a good chat. My niece and her wife gave me a lift in and we chatted and laughed all the way here. We will do the same on the way home. I try to ignore the bad bits. The fact that I’m in pain and I feel rough. I don’t always succeed but I don’t expect to. I’m kind to myself when I fail. 

 I do wish there was something other than sharing my experience that I could do. I hope you won’t always feel the way you do now. I’m fairly sure you won’t but who am I to say? I know I’ve felt hopeless at times and wondered if my family wouldn’t be better off without me. But I know it’s not true and I know it will pass. I know that if I meditate each day and take a walk, I’ll soon feel better. And I do. 

Lots of love to you, Janet xxx

Thank you Daloni for your support.You are strong I am weak.Sometimes I wish its all over I dont want to feel so rubbish anymore.

Janet

Thank you for your support Daloni,

you help lots of us by your positive attitude.

i know I have a lot to be grateful for and often forget that 

love Ruth xxx

Hi Janet

Big hug to start with.

You are not weak, you are having an awful time, I found lack of sleep did not help so I ended up with sleeping tablets.  Anything that gets me through the day.

Your medical team won’t dump you, I know you want answers but they will try all the treatment options they have available I am sure.  I think you said you had a CT scan coming up and it could be positive.  

im not very good with words but just wanted reply.  I was diagnosed at 45 and know how scared the uncertainty is to live with but I am sure you will find your way.

Be kind to yourself.

Hi Angela thank you for your kind words.Since I was diagnosed in Mayn2019 havent slept properly.Waking up every 2 hrs covered in sweat and having nigjtmares.

I used to be so positive but I feel I am sinking slowly.Cancer took away everything from me even basic need as a sleep.I dont think I love my husband either anymore because when I am crying he tells me off.

Janet

Hi Janet

have you told GP how your feeling and about no sleep.  What about a different anti depressant.? I’m on citalipram And they do seem to help.

he probs doesn’t know what to do when your crying, he will feel helpless.

aw hun it’s shit. Am I allowed to say that.

I’m over three years in, somehow you just have to try and get some form on normality back. I know it’s hard, so hard. Don’t let it spoil your relationship