Why do i always feel worse and some what confused after speaking to my oncologist

Charlotte 

What can I possibly say other than my emotions are with you through the hell you are experiencing. The worst worries you must worry for a longer foreboding horrible and probably sickening delay. You are a soldier - on the front line. My gut feeling is telling me but I'm more times wrong, this protracted misery will actually play in your favour. I don't even know how or when. It's could just be my faith telling me that. We believe that whatever G-d does is all for the good. It may possibly not be what we would like to see but good for us but trust that it'll be good. I'm crazy saying this to you when you'll find little within you to even utter those sentiments but please hang on, it can be made better, you can recover to some level of living although I get it that that is something to far to fanciful.

About your phone appointments, it is for a lot of people far from ideal. You do want to see your consultant face to face and have all your questions answered as best as possible. You just can't have the same by phone. You can end up confusing what each of you have said, go off the call and wish you talked/asked about xy&z.

All my thoughts, 

Rafs

Hi 

I am so sorry you have all this worry. It is sometimes hard to get the strength of feelings from a written post but when I read your words I sensed that you were close to panic when you wrote them. Am I right? 

I wasn’t sure what you wanted help with. I can’t help with your question about sage tablets as I have no experience of buying or using them.

If it’s help with worry then I have lots of experience. I think worry is very rarely worthwhile. It doesn’t change anything and if we are prone to worry then solving one problem doesn’t end the worry. We just find another thing to worry about. 

I prefer to work on the worry itself and the most helpful thing I’ve found for dealing with this is meditation. It’s taught me to look at my feelings without judging them. That’s helped me to understand how I feel other things in addition to the worry - things I find hard to notice while I allow the worry to dominate. Things like joy and delight and love. By learning to meditate and spending a few minutes every day practising meditation I have largely been able to put the worry to one side while I focus on what really matters and what brings me pleasure. 

I hope this makes sense. I don’t want to diminish your worry but I think it might help if you learned to stop it overwhelming you. 

xxx

Hi Charlotte Louise

As your doctor says, it's too dangerous to come off the chemo half way through so bite your lip and carry on. Let's hope the liquid morphine does the trick for you and the horrible pain goes. I can understand where you're coming from, I've had horrendous pain for most of the day and still even now I'm in bed it's still at a low level. Worrying, but there's no way it's going to change, I'll just have to carry on, I've been doing that for the last 5 years.

If I'm understanding correctly, you're trying to get some meds on the internet. All advice in shows and talk ins is NOT to do that, you don't know WHAT you're buying, you don't know what is in the tablets and what devastating effect it could have on your life. There are sick people out there who don't give a fig about consequences, they'll be gone without trace.

Take care and stay safe Charlotte Louise

Tvman xx

Dear Charlotte Louise

Oh sweetheart I just want to give you a hug. I know the treatment is rough, but you have  made it half way. How many have you got left? Daloni has hit the nail on the head about worry, but it's not easy. Some kind of distraction can help. 

Has the pain relief worked?

Xx

Hi there so sorry to hear you are in pain and full off worry and being anxious all the time as everyone knows on here I am like that all the time and the worry and everything else fills you up which effects how you eat as well not much in my case and I think I am not on my own as the ever wise and supportive tv man says DON'T GET ANY MEDICATION on the internet the hospital will sort you out what works for one person might not work for you everyone is an individual with medication the hospital will try different things with you some will work some won't they have to work out what suits you best DO NOT take anything else apart from what your gp or hospital prescribes for you they know what they are doing with how they are treating you it might seem it's six steps forward and four back but stick with it!!! I know how hard it is and then to have shielding to add to all the worry and stress that goes with everything else we have to deal with is all added pressure that we could all do without try and focus on things that make you feel good in yourself and I know how hard it is anything that you enjoy doing and try to plan that in everyday and also just plan on the day my big mistake is looking to far ahead and then that's when I have a major meltdown as my thoughts run away with me an I going to be around next month if you know what I mean just try I call it a b c coping ways that works for you it doesn't matter how daft or stupid it is if it works for you DO IT you will surprise yourself sorry it's a waffle post but everyone who knows on here knows that's how I am I hope you start to feel better soon here is a big hug from me xx

Hi and thank you for your reply a lot of what you say is so true and your not waffling on lol, its so good to get ideas and know people are going through the same journey, I  just try to keep my chin up most of the time except when am on my own then I can do as I wish, its my hubby's birthday Saturday so try o will try to smile all day and if the weather improves next week I can potter around my garden a little or try go for a short walk otherwise am on the sofa most of the day, you say you don't eat much i still have an appetite i just seem to get fuller quicker which I suppose it good as I have piled weight on i lost at least 3 stone before I was diagnosed as tv man says not to buy anything of the Internet she just told me to get some sage tablets myself unless I look at proper shops lines like boots, Holland and barret etc,  now I feel like I am waffling on, big hugs back and will keep you posted xx

Hi and thank you for your lovely reply i have always worried think it just runs in the family but before I was diagnosed it was all on other people my mum n dad, husband ect,  now its a on me i dont what to do with myself half the time,  I was interested in meditation before I was ill and have been looking at apps on the Internet but not sure which are the best? Its even daft to say i worry about things in the past mostly about all the silly diets I used to do and could they have been the cause of my cancer silly i know, if you could tell me if uour meditation is self taught or do you use an app this would help me and I hope you are feeling OK xxx

hi and thanks your reply so sorry to hear you are in pain do you take much pain relief? 5 years is a long time,  I only took the liquid morphine twice yesterday and touch wood not had any pain so far this morning and she said it might help me sleep,  sunday Monday no sleep at all not good when I had chemo Tuesday, but you just crack on i only have 3 more chemo sessions its every 2 weeks so then it i can have the dreaded biopsy,  would it be better to buy the sage tablets on the Internet but through a shop like boots or Holland and barret all she said was get some, hope you are feeling a little better today you stay safe too xxx

Hi

I am sorry to hear you are not sleeping. Meditation can help with that too, if it is anxiety based. But if it is caused by the steroids you take with chemo then there is nothing to be done other than wait for it to pass and taking a nap during the day - that's my experience anyway. I am a big fan of napping. 

You asked about meditation apps. You are right, there are loads of them and it is important to find the one that is right for you. I use Headspace. It works for me although I know not everyone gets on with it. 

Three more chemo sessions, eh? I bet it feels like the finish line of this marathon is in view. As you say, crack on, get the biopsy out of the way and then see what the world looks like. But meantime, there's space to work on the anxiety. The way I figure it there is nothing to lose and potentially a whole lot to gain. 

Love and hugs xxx

hi thank you for your lovely reply, 3 more chemo sessions I have it every 2 weeks, so far the liquid morphine has really helped have not taken anything this morning so far well apart from the horrible steriods, just my head still feels full but it will with my chemo yesterday, I am definitely gunna looking into meditation again and the weather is meant to pick up next week that always makes me feel a little better  i hope you are feeling OK today, big hug appreciated sending one back right back xx