In limbo

I have to give in to a little misery too before I put my mask back on.

Much love

Tracy x

Hi Peggy and Tracy

Is that your signature phrase at the end of your post Peggy? Keep strong and positive? I think it is. I'm sure you're absolutely fed up to the armpits with the way your treatment is going. Completely understandable, but please don't let this get you down. Things will pick up, you've got to believe in that. 

I was having a cup of tea in my back garden and the sheep were quietly making their way between fields. I took a few photos because the sheep and lambs just took my mind off the sadness that there is so much of. There doesn't seem to be an end to this Corona virus, but as an extremely vulnerable person I have to look forward to something in the future, I'd just absolutely love to be having my grandson sit on my knee as I go along on my scooter. 

Yes, that's my aim but currently he's in England and I'm in Northern Ireland. Do you have any big wishes Peggy or Tracy? Hopefully your wishes will come true, we need something to hang on to. Keep strong and positive

I'll put a photo of the lambs here, it's something I look forward to every spring, and my garden of course. I've embarked on a plan to make me keep strong and positive. I like that phrase. 

Tvman xx

Hi tvman What a loverly picture! I'm sure we all get a bit fed up of this Lockdown every now and then but it's a case of finding something to do that keeps you busy and makes you happy! This picture is enough, I would think, to make everyone say Aaw and bring a smile to their faces! Thanks for that!

Hi tv man

Thank you for the picture it looks it looks lovely there.

Im fine now just have a wobble now and again.I have some plants coming today so I am out in the garden which helps.

keep your lovely photos coming.I hope you are ok. Take care 

Hi TVman

Love the picture. I do keep positive most of the time so please don't think I'm a misery guts !!

I am growing sunflowers, tomatoes and cucumbers in my garden, all raised from seed.

I also love swing music and much to the amusement of my son, bop around whilst making the evening meal for him and his dad.

Love Tracy x

Dear Peggy

It's alright to be fed up. I hope you are feeling better now though? 

Take care x

Thanks for replying Flowerlady I’m fine again.Im usually positive but it’s hard at the moment.

Waiting to see if I get a call this week from my oncologist.

      Take care x

Hi there 

I am in limbo too. I came off the trial in April after a CT scan showed everything had grown and I had a new lesion in my liver. At the time, the spine tumour was causing problems. I had the emergency radiotherapy and subsequent flare up that landed me in hospital for a week.

As my consultant was arranging the radiotherapy, we discussed the next steps for me, namely platinum-based chemo. I’m supposedly resistant to this, having progressed whilst on it last time we tried. But my consultant said it’s not quite so straightforward as that. Often patients respond when “rechallenged”. I have decided to say yes to another go. 

The trouble is I have heard nothing. My consultant has moved from UCLH to Guys Hospital and is taking me with her. I’ve tracked down her new email address and contacted her but I’ve not heard back. I know (because I had my radiotherapy there) that the cancer centre at Guys is operating an emergency only service. 

Which leaves me in limbo. It’s unnerving and hard not to feel bogged down. The cancer is growing and I’m sitting here. 

Here’s how I figure it. I can do nothing about the limbo. I can do something about how I get through each day. I’m recovering well after the ordeal of the last few weeks, I have my lovely daughters at home with me. I’m not on chemo. I’m just going to enjoy myself. 

If this limbo ends with chemo, I’ll be able to look back on having made the most of this window. If it ends with the disease progressing and my becoming more seriously unwell, I’m be able to look back on having made the most of this window. Meanwhile, I’m having a lovely time, you’ve guessed it, making the most of this window. 

Maybe I’m missing a trick but I can’t see a down side. It’s not always easy to do and I do have wobbly moments. Then I’m kind to myself and tell myself that it’s ok to wobble, anyone would. Then I do the things that help like my three good things book, a spot of meditation, count my blessings, eat chocolate, look at pictures of lambs posted by tvman. 

Tomorrow is another day and I am planning to make it a good one 

Xx

Hi Daloni

Thanks for replying to me I’m glad you are home now.

I have been ok till this week but it’s just the uncertainty of having treatment.Once I know the next step I will be ok.

I agree with you I am not going to waste ‘this time I have now.So keeping busy and enjoying what I have.

I missed you on the tv but I’m sure you were good.You have a way with words that helps people so thank you for that.

Have a lovely day.Im waiting for our dog to come back from my daughters,Every few days she takes her over her house and they

take her for longer walks.Thats one thing I’ve missed so I might try and go out in the evening when it is quiet.I will be careful to keep

away from anyone. Take care xx

Hi 

Whilst reading your last post I have an overwhelming sense of calm, of inner peace and contentment. Fantastic. It's what I can achieve sitting in the garden looking around at the flowers especially in spring after a season and a half of moderate bleakness and gloominess. If only you could bottle this period of time in a kilner bottle and open it when your mood is low and let that feeling flow all over your body. What more can you ask for? 

Have a lovely weekend with your daughters Daloni.

Tvman xx