Bad news

That is horrible news - I'm really sorry. 

Oh Hazel 

I am so very sorry to hear this news. I think it’s a conversation we all know is coming at some stage but I don’t think anything could really prepare one for it. 

Have you made a decision about May’s chemo yet? Maybe it’s too soon and you need to let the conversation with your consultant filter down through the layers of resistance.

Do you have anyone on hand who can help you to change your focus from seeking out treatment to living each day the best you can? I imagine that must be hard when you’re in pain and unwell and afraid. People used to tell me to “stay in the day” until I started asking “and what if that day is full of pain and sickness?” 

I’m sorry. These are impertinent questions and you do not need to answer me. 

lots of love and the gentlest of hugs 

, Hi Hazel!

It makes me sad to hear your news. We know that all of us will go there but then when it happens...boommmm.

Is there any chance they find something else what may can help you? What are they doing about the fluid on your lungs? Is it affecting you?

I will be thinking of you, keep your chin up!

Pet

Hi Pet Pet1968

Just saw your name pop up and I'm wondering how you are keeping at the moment?

Tvman xx

tvman, Hi there!

I'm doing sort of alright. Had the Port op to repair or replace my chest port, it didn't work! Now i got three scars. Then i just had another op to put the port into my upper arm. It did work this time but it hurts right now, especially when i try to sleep ..but i will survive. Due to my thyroids playing crazy, my heart is playing up and i am frozen cold or get hot-flashes lol.  Are experiencing some chest pain also, we see. I have a ct tomorrow and will see the doc on may 12. 

So you see, all good!!

Thanks for asking, and i hope you don't overdue your building so you don't have so much pain.

Pet

PS lovely Autumn here with around 19 degrees

tvman PS and Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Pet

Thanks for the birthday wishes

I did get a couple of hours sleep until my wife woke me at 8 with a cup of tea. Then cereal. Then tea and a croissant. I slept between all of the courses. Still falling asleep but want to read posts. 

Spring here, no rain for a month and strangely around the same temperature as with you lol so it's nice weather for working outside. Funny, but I was told last time that there was something wrong with my thyroid reading so I have to get checked this week. I have an appointment with the cancer unit on Friday but I think it will be a telephone consultation instead because of the Corona virus scare. I'll let the group know the results. 

Take care with the heart, don't take any chances. 8 years ago I was having some pain and felt strangely out of breath when walking up a hill so I went for a dye test and I ended up having to stay in hospital. In the early hours of the next morning, I had a heart attack so I was lucky. A few weeks later I had a stent fitted in the left hand side of my heart. The main artery there was 70% blocked. It's nickname from the medics is the widow maker. Self explanatory. So take care until the problem is diagnosed Pet please.

Take care and stay safe Pet

Tvman xx

Happy Birthday tvman have a great day.

Hi , I’m sorry to hear your news I expect it’s taking a few days to process, and continue living as well as you can again, using your usual way of coping.

I’m also sorry if my birthday wishes to tvman in this same post in anyway throw a wobbly for you coming to terms with your oncologist’s answer to your question. I can imagine it might have come across as welcoming as a funeral plan advert when I first had my incurable diagnosis! 

Hello there my incorrigible chums 

Do I have news for you! 

The most exciting is that I should be going home tomorrow!!! The docs changed the plan and we will switch to long lasting oxycodone tablets tonight and turn the syringe driver off. I’ll take a tablet at 8pm and 8am. Top up liquid oxycodone (or as the lovely night nurse calls it, my G&T) will be available as required. 

If that all goes well and I don’t ping back into a pain hell hole they will let me go. The hospice nurses will take over the prescribing with the GP as clinical lead. Over the next two weeks we should see the pain change as the radiotherapy starts to work and they will move me on to patches as things ease up.

We are going to go slowly on reducing the steroids as we can’t risk going quick and triggering it all off again. I do find steroids tricky as I have extreme trouble sleeping when I take them. I’m getting less than 3 hours sleep a night right now and I’m finding it next to impossible to nap. I read a book, let my eyes go droopy, try to nod off and a noise like the family having a row in the next room starts up in my head and my body starts twitching. I can’t tell you how unpleasant it is. 

Which segues nicely to my next piece of news. I have had a 90 minute nap this afternoon. Hurray! I woke only because  the syringe driver bleeped to let me know it was running out. Boo!

That bleep is a noise anyone who’s had chemo will know. It’s a series of three rising notes which, wait for it, are the first three notes of the baby shark song. Now that’s something you can never unknow. I’m not sure I can forgive my best friend for pointing it out during a chemo visit when she accompanied me. 

Happy days here. All I need now is a cup of tea. 

xxx