Who Are We?

Hello Nicky Nosher and all, what a different conversation but difficult to cram 60 odd years into a short post. It’s now over 5 years since I last worked but having been in all my schools sports teams I became first a PE teacher, then joining the civil service have been a staff trainer, a section manager, project manager, an adviser, a risk assessor, decision making and appeals, lots of different jobs mainly part time in various offices over 30 plus years while bringing up 2 daughters. Mum, Wife, Playgroup helper and treasurer, guide leader, netball umpire and coach, and loads of weekends visiting and helping parents. When I think of my jobs with the department many were dealing with people in difficult circumstances often angry and frustrated and me being diplomatic and trying to help by giving explanations and choices. I then gave up being in bleak stressful government offices to have some time out, and then volunteered and worked in a grade 1 listed country house, helping with weddings and conferences and events and reception, looking out on fields of sheep through the windows and inside appreciating the architecture, where people were mainly happy with the odd Fawlty Towers type moment. I left there 5 years ago 3 months before my diagnosis, occasionally went back there to have a coffee and walk through the woods. 

I called myself KT@Home (altered to ‘at’ to make it possible to tag me) when first coming to the site as I felt stuck at home, not well enough to drive and unable to walk far. An empty nester Eldest was working 240 miles away and the youngest in Japan, husband working full time and me coming to terms with my less than a year prognosis back in 2015. The sound track playing was Bridget Jones diary’s ‘All by myself”. I actually found music very helpful as my emotions were very numb and music allowed me to check how I was feeling and allowed me to cry, otherwise I was stuck in diplomatic don’t show any feelings me. 

Wizz forward to complete responder who had a recurrence my sound track was West Life’s “That’s Life” (yes I know it’s a Sinatra song but I prefer West Life’s). With treatment I got out of the house, went on health walks, to a cancer rehab gym, and walking netball sessions. New friends took me to National Trust and English Heritage places until I could start driving them, and family were never keen on a boating holiday so friends came with me and I captained the boat while they opened the locks. Husband changed to part time as he always comes with me to treatment (even though he disappears for the cannula bit), and reduced hours again to be semi retired and for us to do NT walks together and have lunch out. So I was feeling more like KT out and about, but now with shielding I have felt a bit trapped. I have now got an exercise bike, and I’ve attempted unsuccessfully an online mindfulness course (I lost the picture and sound when we divided into rooms) I am not a gardener, or baker but next door have brought round a courgette plant which I’m growing, and I have made some flapjacks. My walking netball team mates have a what’s App group, and so do my neighbours and Pokemon Go there are 100s of pings a day. I am an avid Pokemon Go player (a game on my phone which requires walking) which for 3 years got me out of the house for walks with hubby. Now I can’t reach a Pokemon stop or gym to replenish the balls in the game to catch the Pokemon but I still have a supply, friends in the game send me gifts with balls, and the game makers have changed some features to make it easier to play from home. I don’t read books, but I might start some that my grown up daughters have left. I have been weeding to not be too sedentary, and have started decluttering (again) and there’s always a box set to be a treat, or playing some old PS2/3 computer games.

I volunteer for Macmillan in melanoma  and occasionally in here but I started volunteering when things were on the up for me, I admire Daloni for carrying on in adversity, but I’m afraid I in times of trouble often retire inwardly, before I’m ready to talk out loud. The incorrigibles have for as long as I’ve known them been a very chatty and supportive bunch and many would be deserving of the champ badge. I have anxiety demons that resurface sometimes and faced with CV19 choice to either continue with treatment or have a break, well it broke my positivity as my anxiety cure of walks in pleasant places has been temporarily removed, and how do you cuddle a husband or hold his hand from 2m away! I also find my supposedly short posts get elongated into a ramble at times! 

Nice to meet you all, and re-meet some of the ‘old timers’.

You need to get that badge on straightaway. What a time you have had.

We need everyone like you on here. Thank you.

I had a sort of anniversary yesterday. It was exactly 25 years since I was first diagnosed with cancer, so if you want to know who I am, I’m someone who’s lived with it for a long time. For a lot of those years I felt well, but it definitely changed me, probably for the better. 

After I recovered from the first bout, I left my job in a college and went to work in prison education. I’d applied to a women’s prison but ended up in a men’s maximum security prison. It was definitely interesting, sometimes stressful and often rewarding. I’ve never met a celebrity but I’ve met plenty of people who’ve had their names in the papers, some of them quite recently. 

In my mid-fifties it was time to move on again, this time to a community education group. The students were much nicer and I felt I was making a real difference to people’s lives. Now I’m retired, I haven’t turned into a domestic goddess. I like to read, non-fiction and recent novels mainly, and I’ve had a late flowering interest in the cinema. 

I have an obsession with the gameshow Countdown and I’m not the only one. I have over 100 Facebook friends similar afflicted, most of whom I’ve met at Countdown events all over the country. They realise I’ve been ill but I’ve never told anyone the details. It’s good to have a capsule of my life that’s cancer-free.

it goes without saying that the joy of my life is being Grandma to two gorgeous little girls. The first hugs after lockdown will be extra special. So that’s me.

Hi All,

It is interesting that most people have set out their professional life as playing a big part in "who we are". queried why she had, as it raises the question of why we define ourselves by what we "do".Others have also added info about hobbies, family etc.The point makes about cancer changing her is one which I would like to start a thread on, as it would be great to know what diagnosis and life with cancer has taught us.

Just to say something about me - worked most of my life in "helping professions", from personnel ( before it became the dread HR), to CAB, and latterly for over 25 years as a counsellor working with alcohol dependence initially and mostly emotional distress in the world of "mental health".

I am : a rabid lefty, doglover, reader, music lover ( especially miserable songs by Leonard Cohen),  a lover of standing and staring at the natural world , shouter at tv and radio whenever a govt minister speaks, opinionated, but a good listener too and a loyal friend.

Hello again OBSs. We did keep previous correspondence to choices of dog. We have still not come to a conclusion!

I dont want to sound like a dinosaur but I am male, 67, and throughout my life I would have thought I defined myself by my work.

I would say cancer has pretty well ruined our plans. Sounds dramatic but that is what we both believe.  All we wanted was to work hard, retire, get a dog and live at the seaside. My wife being diagnosed with MS then a further treat called trigeminal neuralgia made a dent in those plans but we persevered.

I was involved in managing security printing, big old job but plenty of money and I loved it so the plans were still viable. Then I get my diagnosis, prognosis of 8 months to a year. Gave up work immediately to enjoy time left with my wife. With the sword of damocles hanging over us we are in limbo. Got to stay near my family as my wife has none. Cant stay where we live as the garden is huge. Only consolation is getting the dog. That will save us I think.

Well, that has got that off my chest for sure. I think there is a large degree of self pity there and welcome and telling off that I am sure will be coming. Be gentle!

Norberry no telling off from me. Not so much self pity from me, just rage with no one to rage at, perhaps just a Homer Simpsonesk "Fate, why do you mock me!" complete with upraised fist.

We bought a Spanish retirement home, a smallholding, actually moved out there briefly before cancer struck 2 years ago, returned to the UK to get treatment and now it is back and we (my husband and I) are squeezed into the UK house with my ex-husband and adult kids in lockdown. 

I shall spend my dying days with four arguing adults, 3 dogs, 5 cats in a small 3 bed house with the only relief in sight being a pint of warm Castlemain XXXX in the local Wetherspoons eating microwaved food. My husband lost his job due to my cancer (he was considered to now be unreliable for the business needs) so we exist on benefits whilst he goes bankrupt and our holiday dream home rots.

Still, mustn't grumble.... at least we still have our health.... oops

Gosh I feel better for that, perhaps a pity party thread? Mine is a large sherry.

Oh God, it was lockdown rage that caused me to suddenly lose all sense of proportion and post that bit of madness especially now I have read your post. I know how many of you here are really suffering so I need to be hit with a stick to bring back my usual sort of sensible thoughts.

I feel ashamed and should be castigated mercilessly. Please do so or I may not learn from this.

Apologies to those who do have something to create about. 

Oh Norberry pull your self together man! (Slap) I am sitting here watching blackhead squeezing videos on youtube, what a way to go.  I still think that 's ski instructor tale beats us hands down. If you didn't laugh then you would cry.

My wife has supported me which just proves I was well in the wrong.

You are right about dalonis unhappy tale, I think she will excommunicate me when she finds out what I have been up to. I hope she is at home, comfortable and pain free underneath the blankets and misses my disgrace.

I am off to feed the badgers, they still like me, well, as long as they get their nightly treats!

Morning! 
I am indeed at home, doing a fist pump and shouting “I’m the winner!” Jeez. You really do have to laugh or you’d cry. 

I have a house full at the moment but it’s a joyous house. My two daughters, 16 and 19, two cats, the dog and me are up in the house. My sister and her husband have brought their camper van and set up camp at the bottom of the garden. They are welcome in the house, it’s what they prefer. They rented out their own home in West London in January after retirement and headed off to Thailand. They were planning a few months of U.K. travel, staying with their daughters and other places when lock down hit. So essentially they are homeless. They bought an ex hire boat on the broads in Norfolk and have a camper van so they are now living an itinerant lifestyle. I’m so grateful they were able to be here while I was in hospital. My girls wouldn’t have starved but they needed an adult, some mothering, and importantly I felt safe. 

I do feel incredibly lucky, though. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, wonderful neighbours. I have a roof over my head and a view of trees from my bedroom window. I have enough money to pay the bills. My children are bright and beautiful and healthy. There’s so much to be grateful for. I have so much love in my life. 

Right. The dog needs letting out. I’m going to pick up the theme of how cancer has changed me another time. Meanwhile, enough with the pity parties already

xx