Treatment for metastatic breast cancer

Hi Janet500,

I think the oncologists always start by treating with what they expect to have the best results first. They only look at other options if that doesn’t work, and reading your profile it looks as if it is working. If this treatment stops working then I have no doubt they will be looking into other options. So please try not to worry. Every one of us will respond differently to treatments because we and our cancers are all unique, so it seems to me that it is a waste of time comparing one person’s treatment to another’s. Please just be relieved that for now your treatment is working for you.

You sound so down and lost and I know that what you are dealing with is very hard. Maybe this is where the hospice could help you. They will understand exactly how you are feeling and I think talking to them could really help you. You could talk there in a safe place and say the things that we all find it hard to share with family and friends because we don’t want to upset them. If you don’t want to go to the hospice to talk it may be a good idea to talk to your GP.

Sometimes we all need a little help to come to terms with what life throws at us. It’s not weak to seek help it really is strong to admit that we need help.

Love and hugs

Maggie xx

Hi Maggie thank you for your kind words.since yesterday I am crying.just thinking what's the point of getting up from bed even the tumours are shrinking.I don't want a short term solution.And I am quiet young I associate the hospice with a care home and bed ridden and dying people with no.I don't want to be reminded by phone calls I don't know even why they referred me. And also upset why they don't the hospital do more for me.Some people eve mn with stage 4 have surgeries to take the tumour out so I don't understand 

Hi Janet, 

Let me start by telling you that when my cancer returned, after investigation I was put on Letrozole and a course of Radiotherapy. Nothing else. I had good results and although I have to take Leterozole for life, my cancer is presently inactive! They couldn’t remove my tumour either as it was growing around a major blood vessel. So what I am trying to say is that the situation isn’t necessarily as dire as you are thinking. With a treatment that works for you there is no need to look at other options until or if they are needed. Let’s just hope that for you like me they won’t be needed.

I hope that helps a little.

Now as to how you are feeling. I really do encourage you to see your GP. You do sound very depressed and there is much that can help you to cope better. He may decide to prescribe anti depressants which can make a real difference, he may also decide that a talking therapy will help. It’s up to you of course.but I strongly recommend that you give it a try. Don’t give up as there is plenty of life out there for you to experience and enjoy. 
Start by being kind to yourself and build in little treats to your life. Simple things, they don’t have to cost a lot. Going for a coffee and your favourite cake somewhere is a good start. Then find something to make you smile every day. Watching birds squabble over the bird feeder works for me. As you start to look for things you will find your mood can lift a little. It’s not an easy road but with the right help it does become easier eventually.

I hope you are able to move forward soon and begin to feel lighter.

love and hugs

Maggie xx

Dear Janet, if you don’t want to be contacted by the hospice again I would ask your general practitioner to ask the hospice to remove you from their contact list. The hospice is not in the business of forcing themselves on anyone, I do attend and am free to come and go as I please. I am neither old (56) or bed ridden and am currently very much alive. This is not a criticism of you but I wouldn’t want anyone to think that this is what the hospice is like.

Hi Janet, very sorry to hear your news and frustration at lack of treatment choices.  I’m not sure why your current consultant has not discussed treatment options with you but remember it is always possible to get a second opinion, and should not impact your current treatment.  I don’t have breast cancer myself (although weekly taxol is an option for me!) but I know if I have questions about treatment there are ovarian cancer charities who can help with this - the NHS is a minefield for its treatment pathways so sometimes contacting one of the main charities for advice over this can just help you come to terms with what you have been offered etc.  So please give one of the main BC charities a ring if you are not sure.

Also I know the hospice thing is scary, I was 48 when I got referred to them, so only a wee bit older than you.  It was not what I expected at all and most importantly it has given me (and my family) access to counselling to come to terms with my diagnosis, and given me support from my gp and palliative care services.  Currently I am fairly fit, walk the dogs and go horse riding, so it is not just for end of life patients but also for people who have an incurable diagnosis.  You may never need to use them but it is good that they are there if you do (in my experience).  The counselling has helped me make sense of things and has got me living again, which is what I wanted.

i do hope you are feeling better today and the taxol is working, it does take its toll on the emotions when you are already fragile emotionally anyway, so be kind to yourself and I hope you have a good day.

big hugs, heather xxxx

Hi i apologize if I offended anybody I didnt mean to.For me I still believe I will be fine as before and nobody can take it away from me what I believe in.The nurse pushed me to say yes to be contacted by the hospice.I dont like to be pushed I told her I have a loving husband and I like to be by myself even if I am crying.I am not saying a hospice is a bad place but she shouldnt push me.Like this I feel i need to book my funeral tomorrow.

I am perfectly fine except my moods sometimes I do everything like before.Its just sometimes  nurses  taking it too far evwrybody is different.

Oh no please don’t think I was offended, not at all, in fact I nearly added a wee ps to you as I was thinking about what you posted so much.  My ps was this: it’s ok and understandable to have periods where you feel so sad and can’t see past things and are crying, early on I saw my gp and mentioned to him this was how I felt, his reply was “I’d be more worried about your mental state if you weren’t doing this”. Our illness is a tough thing to have and surely feeling so sad is a sign of how much we love our lives?

please please don’t think I was offended and likewise, I did not mean to preach, we all tiptoe our way through this experience, and each in our own individual ways, so you are quite right, we are all different and find our own ways through, Heather, xxxxx

Dear Janet, no need to apologise, you are entitled to feel however you want about going to the hospice. I’m sorry you felt pressurised as that shouldn’t have happened. It’s good you have the support of a loving husband, so do I, infact it’s our 36th wedding anniversary this week. How are you feeling today ?

Hi Janet500

Hospices give a lot of support 2 some people but its definitely not 4 me at this present time (nor over the last 4 & 1/2 years). I'm quite a strong person but everytime I used 2 meet my MacMillan nurse there I felt the tears coming just walking through the door. It reached the point where we changed our meeting point 2 either my house or a local cafe.

Our hospice is a day centre where C patients & their families can get support, alternative therapies & meet people. But it's just not 4 me.

I have felt bitter at times over my treatment as I was never offered a mastectomy at the time of diagnosis (although was given an incurable diagnosis then). Would it have made any difference? I don't know, but my Onc did refer me on 2 separate occasions (2017 & 2019) 2 the surgeons as I was a "healthy" C patient who was beginning 2 exhaust all the chemo regimes. However, it was deemed 2 dangerous 2 operate with more risks than benefits.

However, I have gone beyond my sell by date (given 3-4 years) but I know time is beginning 2 run out 4 me. Still working fulltime & have done throughout most of my treatment- it's what got me through it 2bh.

Listen 2 the other guys advice on here & "speak" 2 us any time. Most of us r awake during the night anyway...

Take care 

WB xx

Hi Janet, I am sorry if I was being too pushy, you didn’t offend me. We all have these feelings and only want to help if we can. 
Please take care and be kind to yourself. 
love and hugs 

Maggie xx