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I do hope not as we need everyone to say what they feel I was certainly not wanting to be unkind in any way and am very sorry if you thought I was. 

I was not suggesting anything you said was judgemental either as I pointed out I did not feel anyone was in these posts. 

I am sorry to hear of your recent loss I lost my nephew at the age of 35 recently and my brother at 55  and it caused such a gap in our lives. People show grief differently and cope with it differently one of the most important things is to have someone to share with when you want to. 

I did not think I was being insensitive but I apologise unreservedly if it came across to you that I was. Please don't leave us as we need everyone to bounce off and keep us going. 

You have certainly had a terrible day. Have you managed to get any practical support for yourself? 

I sounds like they have not placed your mum near by with such a long journey is it felt she will stay there or are they looking for somewhere closer? I have no idea where in the country you live but my son has terrible trouble getting anywhere on public transport from where he lives and I worry how he would cope if his health failed. 

My heart does go out to you and I hope things improve soon for you. 

Hi jack d

i think everyone is sympathetic to grief on this site ,you do not need to feel you are doing and saying anything wrong  no one is judging 

you are obviously having a terrible time and i can only sympathise and offer condolences on the death of your brother , on top of this you are dealing with your mum taken into care and your cancer ,

i wish i could say something to help ,perhaps your gp could recommend a counsellor or group to help you

kindest thoughts

janet

xxxxx

It’s not you. You are okay but it’s the ownedbystaffies that’s upset me. You are kind and I was referring to your kind no sitting in judgement. But I’m not , and I don’t care if this bothers ownedbystaffies. I’m not apologising for being honest. Hasn’t anyone actually paid attention to the fact that Ellie has started avoiding her friend’s calls. Her husband making excuses? At the end of the day it’s a problem when anybody starts to avoid someone and right now I think this subject on my part needs avoiding. I stand by what I have said.and my advice on the Red Cross being  there and keeping a eye on her friend is a good one. It would mean she will not be alone all the day and they will support her. Another idea is voluntary work, helping to feed people at a soup kitchen or place where plenty of people are. There are ways  and means as regards to her friend being in other people’s company and the Red Cross or Salvation Army could be a help.  Now I rest my case. 

Thanks for getting back to me I value your input and as I said I am thinking of you and really hoping you get the right help and support for you and things get easier. 

You said you had bad scan results today and I can relate to that but something strange has happened because of the bad results which has made it into a good out come. Because my results showed growth I was able to prove the last meds I had were working and today I heard they were reinstated. After 5 months of nothing and knowing it was growing hopefully I will see shrinking again. 

We never know what is round the corner. 

I have had a private chat with a friend here tonight. She made me realise something. Due to the fact they caught my cancer too late. its inoperable. Too many secondary cancers for Chemo and Radio. But since I’ve been on this community, I realised that I am free of all the treatments. Never had a choice. So much freedom from the stress of treatments.  The only thing they can do is to try and keep me comfortable. Hospice massage, etc. My GP is keeping a eye out on me for the support I’ll need when the time comes. I nearly died last year. Blood poisoning and such. But when I almost died I had a near death experience. It was wonderful. I’m was free of all pain and Robles of this earth. I saw that beautiful light. Went towards the light. Wasn’t happy that the crash team bought me back. Spent a while in critical care on machines and lots of tubes. Because of that experience I have peace and noting that one day I’ll go to that light again.22 years fighting, preventing cancer with operations. I’m tired. 

Hi Jack

I too suffered the loss of a brother, aged 70, the eldest of 3 of us. It was at the end of August and I was very upset as we were close. There was a period of time when he never contacted me, even at Christmas time, and I found out from his wife that he was really struggling to come to terms with his wee brother, aged 61, had an incurable cancer. I spoke to him man to man and he overcame his worry because he knew I needed him in my life.

So now he has gone, there's a big hole in my life and the worst thing is he was displaying all the classic symptoms of having a heart attack. I am aware of the situation because I had a heart attack 8 years ago then surgery 5 months later.

The night before he died, the out of hours doctor was called out because he was clearly unwell and in pain. He felt that there was a heavy object pressing on his chest, he was feeling sick, was nauseous. He had pains running down both sides of his neck.

For reasons known to himself, the out of hours doctor did not do an ECG, my sister in law and their son had to see the coroner the other day and she said that an ECG would undoubtedly have shown that he was having a heart attack, no ifs, buts or maybes. He died of a sudden cardiac arrest the following night.

My sister in law and their son are leaving it there, I want them to bring a case against the out of hours doctor, at least it'll save any other family from going through the same thing. However, it's their shout and whatever they choose, I'll understand, sort of. 

Take care, Jack my friend. 

Tvman

Sorry to hear about your brother. I can understand why you want a case against the doctor. But it is very difficult to bring medical malpractices to court. Plus the fact the expense. At the most he would be struck off but...also proving malpractice is difficult too. You see a lot of medical cases go to court but drag on and on. Sometimes getting nowhere. But even if the doctor had done a ECG, it may not have saved his life. It’s hard! Would the ECG have made any difference? Impossible to say. But if your brother was jerking about uncontrollably, then that could be a reason why the doctor didn’t do it, as you need to be still in motion while doing a ECG. I don’t know. But I’m sorry for the loss of your brother. Kind regards to his wife and children.

Remember, the oxygen mask goes on your own face first.

You're not an awful person, you're a good person having an awful time. 

You're at the limit of what you can cope with but it sounds like you've made your decision and I also think you're very brave and a good friend. Part of being a good friend means protecting yourself, because your friend isn't able to at this time. 

We will all be thinking of you and sending love and positive vibes xx

HI Tinalau

Thank you. 

Ellie x