Frustrated

hey hey I am listening to you!!!!!!I know I live on my own and boy is it hard only having one best friend who is amazing with me as everybody knows this is where I have a bonus on you not too clever with words try my best for you it's hard enough for us to deal with situations the smallest thing can set you off I kept dropping the milk bottle top the other day hurts when I bend down sometimes then couldn't get the stupid bread seal of the new bread list me temper ripped the bag that was enough to get me in l me states then weather crap couldn't get out to potter so like you needed to escape from house as walls closing in and feeling trapped just wanted to run away and not come back then thought this no good think of your a b c to cope before contacting my best friend put me music on loud get big note pad and write down jobs to do in house it did the trick that was before I came on this site and this site has saved my life let me tell you as I have said loads of times try and make a list with all the problems that are getting you down with your boyfriend and your mum and plan a meeting but do it one a one to one basics that way you can concentrate on the problems and worried directed to that one person sorry it's a but waffly that's the type of person I am but when you need a chat please contact me that's what I am hear for as a friend and to receive help of everybody on this site when I need it if you need to scream and shout doi it another release copeing way either in your house or to me xxxxx

Heya Mrs, 

Maybe a large primal scream at them both is what's called for, might shock them awake and make them realise you're serious.

Are you happy travelling on your own? It would obviously be nicer with company, but if they are both being difficult about it, maybe you could find yourself a place and deal that you like, then just tell them... "I'm going on holiday to x on y dates. You're welcome to come with me, if not I'm going on my own."

As for the why of their actions, maybe it's a case of looking and acting too well. So they've forgotten how sick you really are? So they don't realise how important this is to you. 

Fingers crossed they both snap out of it quickly though, and if they do or if they don't - I hope you manage to get yourself off somewhere fantastic!

Lass

Xx

Hi flowerlady

How frustrating - and disempowering. How was your day out? I do hope you had a good time and didn’t spend too much time fuming about your boyfriend. 

I think there might be two things here. First, going on holiday. You can do that by yourself. I have a friend who goes on holiday with a group called Skyros. They run activity holidays in Greece and weekends on the Isle of Wight where you can do all sorts of exciting stuff ranging from sporty stuff through to comedy writing, yoga, meditation.  My friend says the holidays are designed to bring people together and she always meets other singles and has a great time.  I’ve been on a yoga weekend with them and loved it.

https://www.skyros.com/

The other thing is not being listened to. And on that, I’m stumped. I do sympathise though. 

Xx

No wonder you want to scream!

It's so important to have things to look forward, and to plan them now while you're well enough.

I don't know why they're not listening Flowerlady, but I do know your diagnosis at your age was a massive shock to everyone. Even the language around a cancer diagnosis is scary. Then there's been the ordeal of debilitating treatments, more tests, results, and eventually some stability. Incurable cancer and stability, who knew. Could it be that they're just scared? Or still in denial? Your boyfriend may think he's listening, but he's not hearing you.

I had a similar feeling when I came out of hospital recently, and some of my nearest and dearest didn't acknowledge how sick I'd been and that it was a close call. The feeling that time was running out and no one else seemed to get it was a very lonely place to be. I was desperate to spend time with my twin sister, but she seemed to have time for everyone but me. In the end I told her I felt she was keeping me at arms length, and she was shocked and upset, but it really helped to be honest.

I would have a think about what you'd like to do, and present your partner with a "fait accompli" .....

Lets go to ........ next month for .....this holiday is really important to me.

Give your mum a couple of dates and say you'd like to get away for a break with her while you're feeling well.

Our holiday has given me a massive boost, (although it was a daunting prospect in some ways) so I really hope you get something booked. 

I know it's not what you want, but I hope you have a good day today, and some time alone is helpful even if it just gives you a chance to clear you head. Good luck!    xx

Perhaps they’re worried that something might happen whilst you’re on hols, especially if you’re abroad.  Perhaps get them used to the idea by suggesting a few days away in this country, at least the nhs is available!!!!  Then move on to bigger and better things.  Ok, what would you really like to visit in this country???? 

Hi Flower Lady

We are all listening here so don't feel you are on your own. I agree with what the others have said, perhaps they are scared something may happen if you are on holiday or perhaps you do look fit and well. Whatever the reason it may be they cannot cope with your illness as they find it too distressing so they avoid holidays and meetings. I frequently put on a happy face and talk about possible cures when I am with people I know cannot cope with it. And who knows, there may be a cure or you live a lot longer than you expect. These things happen! People who were given 6 months five years ago are still here if you look online . I am sorry you are having such difficulties, could you start with a local day out and let people see how  much you enjoyed it then move on from there? I am sure you have thought of various things to try and it is driving you mad. Are then any places near you such as Maggie's or a cancer support group where you may meet like minded people? I would give you a big hug and listening ear If was near you, instead I am sending positive vibes and good wishes.

Love

Pat

You hit the nail on the head Tinalay - I am worried about time running out. And I want to do things whilst I am capable. 

I had a great day out by myself today and it felt so normal. It was a real tonic. Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. Honestly, I don't know how I would manage without this forum - because you all understand.

Taking all your ideas, I am going to think through what I want to do and get on with it. I used to go away by myself, but I feel so vulnerable now. But I have to try.

Thank you, wishing you all a peaceful night xx

Dear Flowerlady,

For Goodness sake, Go ahead and scream all you want. People should listen to you. You could use a holiday.

Now ask the question: where do you want to go? What do you want to do there? Know you have that, howdy you find someone to go with you- besides boyfriend and family. There is a solution to every problem (ok sometimes I do to necessarily like all solutions) but you need to plan your escape holiday. Ask around friends at McMillian, seek and ye shall find. Any other boyfriends about??? 

Start dreaming and planning and the solution will come to you.  My dad used to tell me everything i need is within me, I just have to recognize it...

Keep posting.

Hugs

Millie

Hi Lass

What a great idea I'm going to do it today find a weekend away book it and tell my children  exactly what u said ( I'm going on holiday to x on y dates. You're welcome to come with me, if not I'm going on my own.")  

Thank u 

Kym xx

Hi

You go girl! I hope you find something really fun that makes you happy. 

regarding problems and solutions. I once had an indefatigable colleague who’s motto was “every problem has a solution. If there’s no solution, there’s no problem.” I’m still not entirely sure what she meant

Xx