I can't stop crying morning afternoon and night even when I do get to sleep i say sleep the odd hr in the night I wake up crying living on my own with cancer is hell!!!! Living in my own has never botherd me before I have no family and only one best friend who supports me so much she never leaves my side through chemo but I don't want to keep wearing her out with how i am feeling she has a life herself i often don't tell the truth to her when she says how i am I but I know she knows i am not telling truth o just don't want to keep worrying her now I have a scan next Tue more worry don't know how i am going to get through that the needle for a start i scream the hospital down so frustrating my picc can't be used i wouldnt have got through any treatment without picc a fantastic invention for someone like me and then facing machine i have this massive blinkers on me i have brought but still you feel like you are in a coffin already and then the results i don't think I will get through that door that day to see consultant every time you go in there it's bad news i wonder what's the point sometimes now I am bald on top of head and eyelashes falling out even using cold cap in chemo dread going near bathroom mirror i am trying to make the most of what I have left i hate facing people the look people give you sometimes when you are are shopping i feel like an alien from another planet sometimes I suffer with anxious issues at the best of times i think my dog is fed up as well he listens as best he can he knows when I am struggling keeps licking the tears from my face he is a great companion i have a wicked daft sense of humour i need someone out there to chat to and make me laugh laughter is the best medicine anyone can have in this situation i can't keep feeling like this all the time please anyone make me laugh to cope and keep on fighting this battle
