Hello reader,
I am a proud survivor of childhood cancer (3 times over)! I had my battles between the ages of 2 years old and 7 years old in late 90's early 2000's. I had Rhabomyocarcoma cancer, and due to its location and ferocity I ultimatley had to undergo surgery involving a hysterectomy. Due to my treatment of chemo and radiotherapy, my egg count is exteremley low now also. For the most part I don't remember much about the treatment, and was blissfully unaware at that age what the treatment would mean and hurdles it would bring for me in my adult life. I was just happy to be living, and happy to grow up as normally as possible. All the hurdles were put on a back burner as I didn't think I was lucky enough to find someone who loved me for me and all the pre-cancer baggage I came with. Well, here I am now, I am in a healthy happy long term relationship with someone who has known all about "it" and what it means for us since early days in our relationship. However, I feel that I am at a cross roads now as what to do for putting things in place if we were decided we wanted a family in the future.
"Andy" is not desperate for a child, but is supportive if it was something I wanted to pursue and do together. However, it would not be a straight forward process, and would likely involve going down the route of possible IVF and such and surrogacy. Looking online it is an expensive rabbit hole with no 100% garuntees. There is no pressure from family for grandchildren to materialise, however I just don't want to have any regrets or "what ifs". At the same time, I am finding it emotionally challenging even talking or looking up information about the subject. Possibly because I feel some frustration that after all these years and being cancer free and healthy, I feel like it still has its hooks in me in a way, and is dictating what I can and cannot do. I am also at the age where close friend and family of similar age are having there own children. I am not sure if anyone has ever been in a similar boat, and if they have, how they have managed to navigate this? I am not desperate to have children right now, but hate the idea of not having the open option in the future. The pressure of having to make the decision on whether or not to go on a lengthy, costly (both financially and emotionally) journey to not completley close the door on having children is a tricky one, which I am struggling to decide on...
Thank you for taking the time to read. Take care <3
