Hello reader,
I am a proud survivor of childhood cancer (3 times over)! I had my battles between the ages of 2 years old and 7 years old in late 90's early 2000's. I had Rhabomyocarcoma cancer, and due to its location and ferocity I ultimatley had to undergo surgery involving a hysterectomy. Due to my treatment of chemo and radiotherapy, my egg count is exteremley low now also. For the most part I don't remember much about the treatment, and was blissfully unaware at that age what the treatment would mean and hurdles it would bring for me in my adult life. I was just happy to be living, and happy to grow up as normally as possible. All the hurdles were put on a back burner as I didn't think I was lucky enough to find someone who loved me for me and all the pre-cancer baggage I came with. Well, here I am now, I am in a healthy happy long term relationship with someone who has known all about "it" and what it means for us since early days in our relationship. However, I feel that I am at a cross roads now as what to do for putting things in place if we were decided we wanted a family in the future.
"Andy" is not desperate for a child, but is supportive if it was something I wanted to pursue and do together. However, it would not be a straight forward process, and would likely involve going down the route of possible IVF and such and surrogacy. Looking online it is an expensive rabbit hole with no 100% garuntees. There is no pressure from family for grandchildren to materialise, however I just don't want to have any regrets or "what ifs". At the same time, I am finding it emotionally challenging even talking or looking up information about the subject. Possibly because I feel some frustration that after all these years and being cancer free and healthy, I feel like it still has its hooks in me in a way, and is dictating what I can and cannot do. I am also at the age where close friend and family of similar age are having there own children. I am not sure if anyone has ever been in a similar boat, and if they have, how they have managed to navigate this? I am not desperate to have children right now, but hate the idea of not having the open option in the future. The pressure of having to make the decision on whether or not to go on a lengthy, costly (both financially and emotionally) journey to not completley close the door on having children is a tricky one, which I am struggling to decide on...
Thank you for taking the time to read. Take care <3
Hello vaporeon
It’s Steph here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. May I wish you a warm welcome to the Community and I hope you have found it helpful to share how you're feeling.
I was sorry to read about your childhood cancer and how it's affected your fertility. Navigating the long-term impact of childhood cancer on your fertility is understandably emotionally challenging and overwhelming. We hear how conflicted you feel and how difficult it is for you to talk about this.
It's positive that you've taken a first step in investigating your feelings by sharing here on the Community. Although you're feeling some pressure to consider your options, you could first access some support with your emotions. A specialist counsellor could help you work through your feelings and help you move forward.
Whenever you feel ready, we'd encourage you to make an appointment with your GP so they can refer you for some further support. You might want to investigate options for counselling yourself. You can search for specialised support through the BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association) website.
This blog from the charity Maggie's talks about when you can't have children because of cancer. It acknowledges many of the feelings you might experience and aims to open up the conversation.
You would also be very welcome to phone our Support Line for a chat. They’re available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
If you do feel ready to investigate all the support and options available to you, the following links may be helpful:
Please do keep chatting here, there might not be anyone here right now facing the exact same circumstances, but there is lots of support available to you. Our members understand how cancer can affect you long after you've finished treatment and we're all here to support you, anytime day or night.
Take care,
