Feeling Lost

Hi princess Teri ( what a wonderful username !).

I'm glad you've managed to post your true feelings on here.

You're not alone in feeling like u do. Cancer affects us in so many different ways  Maybe you need to show your vulnerability a little, especially in front of the medical ppl.?

Like u, I gave up my job - not through cancer ironically -  coz I had a stroke 5 years ago. I've been living with my cancer for 14+ years now and luckily go out to lunch every 6 weeks or so with a close group of 4 friends, all of whom are now retired. But I have to rely on someone to take me everywhere, as I had my  driving licence taken away after the stroke. Sometimes I don't get out all week, n as a very sociable person whose life revolved around work- dealing with ppl as well as working with others - I still miss it.

There's a day hospice in my area which runs such things as an exercise group, social drop in ( tea, cake n chat). I wonder if there's such a thing near u - or a Maggie's centre?

The latter have group things but also the chance to talk to someone one to one. Hopefully a community champion will be along shortly n give you  you a link to their website. I can't do it while typing on here!

Try n take a deep breath and ask for help- just something simple to start off with. Everyone will think you're fine if you let them.

It's NOT  your fault. Stand in front of   a mirror n repeat this after me.

Btw, I typed all the above then my phone ran out of charge! Thought I'd lost it but fortunately  not. Phew. Try the link below re Maggie's centres

.https://www.maggiescentres.org/

Aw thank you! Thanks I'm a big Disney fan so that's where the name comes from! My boys always see me as the strong one and I think that is what the problem is! I do admit when something is wrong and we have family meetings where we can talk about our issues etc...! I admit it has been a while since one of these has happened so I may need one! I'll have a look at groups but sometimes it's hard to leave the house with other issues and it's hard to plan things even days out with hubby! Poor you - that's a lot to go through and losing your licence would have been hard - my car is my lifeline and it's the only time I really get out! How sad is that, shopping is my social life! Thanks again for your comment and I will take it on board! I understand it's not my fault but it's hard to take that in sometimes x

Think women -particularly mothers - are (in) famous for being seen as strong. We sometimes fall for the myth ourselves.

Sorry, formatting' s gone to pot...

Hi , I must admit it sounds like you’re at a turning point, not happy with how things are with you right now but not sure how to change things yet. I think to make any change you first need to explore what you need to make you feel happier, and to explore what’s holding you back from doing that and I get the feeling, I may be wrong that your not quite ready to do that yet as stating what you need and why you haven’t got that now can make us feel a bit vulnerable, as we have to admit we are not as strong as we once were. However no one is strong all the time so it isn’t really something that we should be concerned about, but in order to change things in our lives my own opinion is that we either need to feel that we have the courage and desire to want to change things or have hit rock bottom and feel we have no option but to change things. It sounds like you are strong and haven’t hit rock bottom, (sigh of relief) but your mind is floundering about trying to work out what to do, of course I don’t know if I’ve got that right.

If you still had your great social life around you you would probably be chatting to one of them but of course if you had that you might not feel the loneliness that you are feeling now. You mentioned family meetings and not having had them for a while, but it sounded like you’d identified that perhaps that is one way forward for you to discuss how your feeling and what you want, however if you don’t know what you want sometimes people try and problem solve on your behalf without knowing what the problem is, and I must admit I could be in danger of falling into the same trap. You said you find it difficult to get out but also say you have a car which is your life line, so perhaps you don’t know where to go to, and perhaps who with as you don’t want to go on your own. 

When I was stuck at home not well with cancer I hated it, hence my user name KTatHome, I was used to being out working or visiting my Mum but she passed away, and I gave up work in 2015 shortly before she died and before I was diagnosed with cancer. I am still having cancer treatment til March but I had a glorious year in 2017 where I was off treatment and no measurable disease. I started playing walking netball, I’d identified that I needed an outlet a way to be sociable and a way to get me more active, and two years on it’s the best thing I ever did. We have an hours playing then a coffee and a chat, we organise walks if like now there is a break in Netball for the holidays, and we have Christmas parties, last week someone arranged a boat trip, and the week before that a cancer fund raiser. I should really step up myself at this point and organise a Macmillan coffee morning but I’m not feeling ready to do that yet, but maybe if I see a few more adds I might. 

You love Disney, you have a 3 year old grandchild but sound like you are not fully up to strength physically, which I’m not every third week, but you might have a passion from the past or something that you’d like to explore. Volunteering perhaps, joining a craft group, an activity in your local library, a walking group, going to a local cancer support group, or like already suggested going to a Maggies for tai chi or art class or speaking to counsellor. The important thing is to explore what you want first, and then see what fits the bill. 

My starting point was exploring what I emotionally and physically needed, and then I looked at the in my area section on here (I’ll put the link in, and looking at local notices in my local library they advertise reading groups, colouring groups, craft get togethers, WI groups etc etc. 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/in-your-area/choose-location.html

I have only been to a Maggies once as its 35 miles away for me, in my area came up with cancer gym sessions 20 miles away, but the library came up with the walking group locally and walking group friends led me to a cancer session in a gym 6 miles away, and a link to the all England netball site in a Macmillan leaflet led me to walking Netball 10 miles away. If Maggies were close I think I would have used them more. 

At one stage I thought getting fit was a stage to going back to work, but after one interview and as I then had to go back onto cancer treatment I shelved that idea, when I was called for Jury service I actually realised I was hung up on the idea of work rather than the realities of it. 

Sorry for long post you might want to talk to the Macmillan support line just to chat out what your thinking or give it a go here, or pen to paper or to your family meeting. I hope you find your way through from now to where you want to be. 

Hi buttercup01, I think it’s perhaps time you started looking into being a champ yourself as your always popping up to offer a listening ear,  I must admit you are the only person I see with your formatting problem, I’d love to be able to help if I can but if it is very complicated you could contact the Macmillan community team. It may be that you’ve touched one of the paragraph buttons and need to put it back to the first one.

if you'd like to contact the Community team, you can do so by sending them an email at community@macmillan.org.uk.

Best wishes

Thanks KTatHome for elaborating on what I said n much more coherently too 

I'm considering being a champ as we speak lol as the team asked me about it recently.

Just spotted a paragraph button at the top n changed it.Seemed to work, hurray!

That’s great buttercup01, you could always do some of the training and then decide how you feel ? it can be a confidence boost. Thank you I just try and give my own experience when I hope and feel it might help as everyone including you do.