Who am I?
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Who am I? Just an empty shell, the leftovers of a four month journey, a journey where the end felt so close but the beginning was never far away.
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Why am I not happy? Where is my joy, where is my eagerness to shout from the rooftops that my journey has ended and my new life can begin?
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Why is guilt the emotion that engulfs me? Why do I feel that the depth of my journey will be judged by others? Why do I feel a gut wrenching guilt that the journey for others is far from over, why aren’t I happy for me?
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Why do I feel fear? The deep rooted fear that in comparison to others my journey was too easy, because there is more to come, that others close to me will be taken, that all of this is just the start of a life living under a cloud.
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Why do I feel selfish? Selfish that I can’t feel happy, the happiness that is expected of me, the happiness that I’m told I must be feeling daily along with the relief that they say I must feel? Why do I not feel these things when others fighting would give anything to be me?
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Why? Why have I lost myself, when I have everything to live for, but can’t find myself to even begin? How can I find a new normal when I can’t even find the old me to compare?
How can I contemplate a new beginning when I know how close we all are to the end?
Who am I?
