Hi all
I finished my treatment for breast cancer in January this year and after a long road am delighted to say I’ve been given the all clear.
I am now on Tamoxifen daily and had been doing fairly well keeping on with some things in life and was starting to feel much better.
In my eagerness to get back to some form of normality I over did things and have set myself back. It hasn’t helped matters that because I have tried to look ‘normal’ (for my own sake) people have taken that to mean I am now completely fine and can do everything as normal.
This of course is adding to my frustration of not having the energy to do things and has sent me in a bit of a downward spiral of sadness and extreme tiredness. I’ve picked up another cold and cough, my fourth since finishing Chemo end of November. I feel very worn down and people don’t seem to understand. Of course there are some that have told me to slow down and take it easy but others who do not understand at all and think I’m using my treatment as an excuse, which is very hurtful especially since I have still been doing quite a lot despite feeling very tired.
I wondered if any of you have any advice on how to handle others expectations?
Thank you.
Hi and welcome to this corner of the Online Community.
First, well done and congratulations in getting through your treatment and out the other end.
A very high proportion of people just do not understand what you have been through and that the recovery journey can be, at times. as long as the treatment its self.
I see a cancer journey to be like a marathon, the first 1/3rd is the diagnosis, the send 1/3rd is the treatment and the final 1/3rd is the recovery..... the final part can be the hardest.
During the early days post treatments I was very honest when someone said the dreaded words "...... and you are looking great" my standard reply was ".......looks are very deceiving"
If they pushed and asked more stating the obvious that I was past my treatment I would tell them what my Head Consultant said to me that ".......going through your treatment was like you doing a boxing match and a marathon every day and this was done without any training" I would then ask the person......... "how would you feel after that"
Most do understand but you need to be open and up front. If you are trying to look and be normal then the reality for both you and those around you will take longer to work out and recover.
You do need to be kind to yourself and pace your recovery.
When I post this great paper, folks will actually come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them. But I would always challenge folks to become proactive after reading through it and using it as a vehicle for change and life improvement.
So get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper - it is a good way forward.
So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards.
When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list. By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements. When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.
The headings would be:
What steps are you taking to regain trusts in your body?
What steps are you taking to regain trust in yourself?
What steps are you taking to overcome living with uncertainty?
What steps are you taking to deal with the world?
What steps are you taking to regain mastery and control of your life?
Try it, the future is sitting in front of you - think about driving a car. The big windscreen shows the future, the past is in the little mirrors and is getting smaller and more fuzzy as we move forward.
Concentrate on dealing with your own expectations first and deal with others as best as you can but always be real, open and truthful.
If you have a Maggie's Centre near you they run some great post treatment courses and check out for Local Macmillan Support Groups
Always around to help out and encourage x
