I'm a man and I would like to tell you my story 'Living with Bladder Cancer and a Stoma'

I'm a 58 year old male and creative graphic designer and illustrator. In 2012 I met my partner and soulmate Kim and my life couldn't be happier. Two years previous I lost both my parents to cancer... I was devastated and I struggled with life afterwards, but somehow found the strength to get through it. When I met Kim things started to change for the better, and over the next several years our lives were happy and content. I had always been very fit and active and had no illnesses of any kind, I even managed to dodge flu and very rarely had a cold. Sometime in 2018 I started to get a pain in my bladder and the odd urine infection. Over the next few months the infection got steadily worse - my GP referred me to my local hospital where I underwent some tests and at the beginning of 2019 I had a small operation to fix a small blockage and narrowing of my urethra. I was off work for a number of weeks, which didn't go down well with the company I was working for at the time, and pressure and an underlying threat was put on me to hasten back to work. Despite the small and successful operation I steadily worsened, having more urine infections and trouble going to the toilet. My company weren't sympathetic or showing any empathy at all and I started feeling angry at the way I was being treated. I had another short spell in hospital, this time I stent was going to be inserted into one of my kidneys, however the procedure was aborted when they discovered something very serious and sinister in my bladder. Two weeks later, with Kim by my side, fiercely holding onto my hand I was told by the hospital consultant the devastating news that I had a very aggressive form of bladder cancer. I had only one choice - have the bladder removed and the prostate and live with a stoma for the rest of my life. I was horrified... I had the big 'C', just like my parents had before me. My consultant told me everything, even explaining that it would mean that it might change my/our sex life. Just as I was about to crumble into sobbing pieces, my angel Kim told me that she would stand by me regardless, and that she loved me and wanted to grow old with me... having a stoma wouldn't change her love for me. That gave me the strength to face this massive life-changing operation and five weeks later and a week in hospital, was finally back home and on the slow way to recovery, but I had two obstacles to overcome - the first was that my company sacked me on the grounds that I couldn't do my job. I suspected the minute I told them I had cancer, they were thinking of replacing me and decided that while I was off work, that would be the time to do it. I tried to fight the decision and asked citizens's advice for help, but little came of it - and in the big scheme of things, I had a more important fight on my hands, namely that off recovering from a major cancer op. The second obstacle was adjusting to my new friend - the stoma! at first it felt abhorrent and alien to me, but I accepted what it was and was lucky to have the chance to carry on with life. A job is simply... a job! And I knew I would get another one eventually. Day by day I got fitter and stronger and I actually felt very well. I no longer had that awful pain in my bladder and getting up in the middle of the night 4 times to pee - it was no more! Three months since the operation I had another massive bodyblow - Kim left me... At the time she never told me why - she had been acting strangely for a couple of weeks and I eventually found out she had been online dating. We had just gone into Covid by this time. I moved out, I was devastated, hurt, betrayed, angry. I did stay in touch with her for a few months after, hoping against hope that she realised she made a mistake and I just simply wanted answers and a closure. Just over a year later I finally heard from a friend of hers that Kim didn't want to live with a cancer victim - as selfish as it seems, it was as simple as that. I started picking up the pieces off my life during those awful times of the pandemic, at times I would be in a dark place but somehow I managed to find the strength to find a way back into the light. I threw myself into my creative work (although at the time I was still jobless) My stoma has now become a firm fixture and part of me - I even gave it a name 'Gromit'... So along with Gromit I am still single, and probably will be for the rest of my life... as much as I miss someone to wake up too, have a hug and spend intimate moments and share the joys with someone you love, sadly my life now doesn't have any of that, and I have accepted this. I have also accepted and celebrated that I have now passed the 3 year in remission mark - I'm fitter than I have been for many years. I have since shared some of my experiences living with bladder cancer on some forums and in groups. My life is moving on and I'm currently looking at relocating - starting a new chapter somewhere.

Anyway, I wanted to share this story with you. Any males or infact anybody at all out there that have/living with cancer - don't be. afraid to speak out. As horrifying as the big 'C' is, there is life afterwards - some easier than others. If you ever get to a very low point, seek help and believe in your own strength. Forums such as this are a great place to share and be able to open with likeminded people without being judged. There is always hope and fabulous people to help guide you through it. Thank you for reading my story. A