My husband of less than a year recently had a major surgery for colon cancer. He was sent home with transparent stoma bags. He insists on lying around in his dressing gown with the bag in full sight and when it has output in it which I find repulsive.. I constantly ask him to cover it up and he gets angry saying I'm nagging. He was also told by his stoma nurse not to let it fill more than half full but he waits till its full and bulging and normally over several hours is smelling. I ask him to change it as the smell is vile and I am struggling with it, but he just won't. It's causing arguments between us as he thinks I'm just being unfair.. he has this stoma, had to live with it.. and I just have to accept it too. He even comes to bed with it when has some in it, but says it doesn't need changed as not much in it... I've asked if he can please come to bed with a clean, empty bag but he's ignoring my pleas... I can't even cuddle him now. I've said if his hygiene doesn't improve I can't stay.. another argument. I'm at my wits end with all the stress. Is this normal and anyone any suggestions how I can handle it?
Hi THOMO
First may I say I’m glad things are improving. Second-is the stoma nurse at the hospital or in the community? The reason I ask is that the stoma nurse who came to visit me at home was actually employed by the company which supplied my products. I had no idea of this to begin with! All the supply companies have nurses working in the community and visiting, and it’s in their interest to keep you tied to their particular company to supply everything.
You can change your supply company at any time you wish, and do not have to give a reason. I loved my stoma nurse but had a few issues with my supplies and delivery so changed. That meant I couldn’t see her again.
I tried another company and they were dreadful-messing up orders and failing to deliver what I needed. So now I am on supply company number 3, who are excellent and very reliable. Changing suppliers is simple. You call, say you would like to use them as your supplier and they will send an info pack. For me, this included a form to complete so that they can request prescriptions electronically from my doctor. They’ve not once let me down, and also have nurses working for them who I can contact should I need them.
You can phone any manufacturer and request samples of anything you like-they are free and you can try lots of different products. I’ve had boxes of different supplies over the years from various manufacturers to try different things.
A stoma nurse is not in control-your husband is.
Sarah xx
Thanks for the info Sarah. I didn’t know that I’ve been under my hospital and not had much contact with my supplier nurses.
It’s really good to know. Maybe that’s why my hospital has lots of varied products
Ann
Every stoma nurse should have access to a huge range of products Ann from different manufacturers.
It’s important to remember that supply companies and their nurses are just that-they supply things. It’s like Asda selling a huge range of stuff, not just its own brand.
So for example, I use Hollister and Coloplast products for my urostomy, and Salts products for my colostomy, but they are all supplied by my supply company. Over the years I have also used and tried products from many other different companies. It’s like a big pick and mix out there in the world of stoma products! 
Sarah xx
Seems the stoma nurse is on a bit of a power trip here!
There is absolutely nothing in this world to stop your husband looking up the major manufactures of stoma products online and requesting some samples -often it’s a simple matter of just filling in an online form. They are happy to provide these as obviously they hope that you will find them good and then order them from the companies who do your supplies.
By doing this, I have tried so many different things-some helpful, some not- but it let me sample things at home, and one company has added me to their list of people willing to try new products as they come out of development and provide feedback to them. They are developing something new at present so will let me know when I can test it out.
Sarah xx
I totally agree that he’s been left to flounder and it’s really not on. Her job is to support and advice. There are lots of choice out there with windows in the front. I was tempted to try one but I have sensitive skin and I was concerned that a change in adhesive may cause a reaction especially in the heat.
I really hope he gets some support he’s had terrible treatment. It’s a shame that there aren’t male stoma nurses. I think a lot on men would prefer a man chat about it
Its really good to hear from you too.
sending you a hug
Ann
