Dad’s terminal Cancer Diagnosis

Hi  and welcome to this little corner of the Mac Online Community but so sorry to hear about your dad getting a terminal cancer diagnosis.

When the family is given this type of news there is no guidebook to navigate this, well that is my experience.

Both our dad's passed away when our two girls were little and my wife's mum passed away last year and as my mum is in her 90s who knows what the phone will bring...... but we can't control this. part of the life cycle.

But we can control the 'now'. The most important thing we did was not to see them dying, but living and having lived a good life and as much as possible we continued to make memorises, laughed at the old photos and enjoyed the time left.

With my wife's mum she basically had died a good few years before as she had Dementia - this was not a great experience.

As for your guilt..... talking as a grandad to 4 girls (7,6,4,3) my wish would always be that my two daughters be the best mum's in the world and talk about me...... as we did about their grandparents.

Back in late 2013 I was given 30 months to live if my treatment did not work but we did not concentrate on the 'what if's?' but on the 'here and now'

Our girls made up photo albums (remember those?) with our then two little granddaughters as part of their understanding that not everyone in the album were around now - open honest talking...... and at the same time this helped my two daughters deal with the 'what if's'

Now the albums are much bigger, with their sisters and yes, some in the album are no longer around and I am not in the 'past' but one day I will be....... but that will be another story to be had.

The word 'terminal' with numbers after it is rather a shot in the dark even for the very best consultants. Can I highlight our Supporting someone with incurable cancer groups a benefit as you will connect with others supporting family through their cancer journey.

I don't post in this group but have read about people living months and years past the 'date' that had been put in their mental calendar, a good place to talk with others about the practicalities. I would also highlight our Carers only groups as this would help should this become more of a challange.

As you posted in this group I am assuming that you are coming from a Faith background - this does help a lot as people of Faith do not see this as an end but a transition.

It’s always good to talk, so can I highlight the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00. This service covers Emotional Support, Practical Information. Clinical Information, Financial Support and Work Guidance mostly open 8.00 to 8.00.

We are always around to tap, listen and give prayer support as and when ((hugs))

PS - what type of cancer does he have?

Hi a.k.bee  and welcome. The power of prayer is very strong and comforting here as we support each other in the Trinity of our faith. Please don't think you have failed in any way as a mother whilst you are going through this torment..You are doing your very best under the circumstances whilst battling with your own emotions,worry and sorrow and I can empathise with you at the moment as I am going through the same situation with my mother who is also terminal. Praying for peace, strength and comfort for your father, you and your family as you face this awful situation and praying that all those involved in your father's care are directed by the Holy Spirit . Are you aware of the Footsteps verses? Where times get so hard and you are utterly bereft and exhausted and don't know where to turn? There are originally two sets of footprints in the same but these gradually turn to one. It is because our Lord is carrying you through the storm and nourishing you...You are never alone. Well our Lord has been carrying me for sometime now, rescued me when I've fallen upside down and got stuck in various ditches and His love is unconditional. With the support of all the people on the forum along with the prayers and the knowledge that the Lord has got me and won't let anything had happen I feel so very comforted and warm. You have to look beyond the illness, remember all the happy memories which will never be taken from you as they are in your heart and when the end comes your father will be free from the pain and torment of this wretched disease, joining those that the Lord has taken before in eternity and looking down on those left behind until their time is due, guiding,comforting and watching. They have not gone, merely stepped into the next room and you will have signs through nature,birds and butterflies that they are still with you in spirit. My mother has a terminal aggressive brain tumour they cannot treat and has been given 3-6 months. We were told at the beginning of diagnosis to get everything ready, care home etc as she would lose her lucidity within two of three weeks and be unable to communicate. My sister and I set to work and with prayer everything went smoothly and my parents were transferred, mum from hospital and dad, who is in last stages of LB dementia and paralysed, unable to communicate, from home. Both were settled in within 10-14 days. Since then everything we have tried to do has had some glitch or problem attached to it, their house was burgled and ransacked, covid 19 arrived with all its restrictions but you know what? The Lord has carried me all the way and I don't care so much that we have had problems as the Lord pulled all the stops out when it was needed. The power of prayer has helped me through the difficult bits. In the last four weeks my mum had a major stroke and we were called in as it looked as if that was it as she was paralysed on her left side and couldn't breathe properly let alone speak. A family of robins were hopping around and kept landing on the back of the chairs we were sitting in outside her room in the garden(Covid restrictions).With oxygen and medical intervention at the home by nurses and the power of prayers here she has recovered her speech, a tiny bit of movement in her left leg and hand and is back to being my mum again although now bedbound. Praise the Lord. We are now desperately trying to make even more memories with her as before although we have to involve a lot of calling through Windows and signing to help her understand as she is a bit hard of hearing. The robin comes into her room through the French door to get the biscuit crumbs or bit of toast she gives him with her good hand and a squirrel now appears for food too.. She asks the nurses to put some outside for her. I'm aware this is an extremely long post. Although I don't want to give false hope please be aware consultants give the worse possible scenario because they have to. Sometimes it is correct, sometimes it isn't. Only the Lord knows when we are taken. A lot of people have gone past  their sell by date, we are now five months in, my mum has had a major stroke but still can make decisions and is able to talk to us. Was it the tumour? I don't know because she has recovered some movement and from what I have read she would not have done it it was the cancer. I know when it happens it will be rapid. Please don't give up hope, don't beat yourself up, go and cry when the children are not around or speak to someone you trust. Get rid of negativity and negative people, make plenty of happy memories, music,photos,talking and reminiscing. Involve your children..they are more resilient than you think. I try and list three positives I am grateful for every day. I write the worries and negatives on a piece of paper and offer it to the Lord then take great delight in tearing it up. Sometimes keeping a journal helps if you have time. Anyway,I had better stop now before I take up the whole forum! As a positive for you, you have helped me today through your post. You take care sweetheart, carry on being the lovely caring person you are and I shall pray for you. Keep in touch. God bless. Love and hugs. Lamb.xx

Standing with you in prayer ️