Partner given months to live. Scared of what is about to happen

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My partner of 13 years who I love more then anything on this earth was told this week that his 4 year battle against his lung cancer has come to an end as it has now got into his cerebral spinal fluid and brain. He has months to live. Martlets came today to discuss end off life care. Outwardly he looks so well. It’s just so surreal. We have just bought a house together in brighton and have been here a year. I can’t imagine being here without him and am so scared to lose my soul mate. I never reach out but I’m scared. Martlets have been amazing and have said I can have counselling but I thought it might help to talk to others like me. 

  • Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

    I'm really sorry to read that your partner has recently been told that he only has months to live and I can only begin to imagine how difficult this will be for you both.

    I haven't been in this position but I noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet. I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you also post in the carers only group, which I can see you've joined, as it's a very active group full of lovely people who will try and support you as best as they can. To quickly go to that group just click on the link I've created.

    You might also want to consider joining the supporting someone with incurable cancer group which is a safe and supportive place for anyone who has someone with a terminal diagnosis to discuss their emotions about the prospect of losing their loved ones, as well as practical issues about palliative care and end of life. If you'd like to join this group clicking on the link I've created will take you there where you can join and post in the same way as you did here.

    Sending a virtual (((hug)))

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  • Truly Truly Sorry To Hear. Your Journey Ahead Is Going To Be Extremely Difficult and There Is Nothing or No One Whom Prepare You For The Road Ahead. However As Each Day Goes By The 7 Stages Eventually Become Amazing Memories Fulfilled With Joy. Never Walk Alone and Remember Someone Is Always There To Help You.

  • Wow

    ur story is super similar to mine . 
    he is my love and been diagnosed with stage 4lung cancer last May and given 1year to live. 
    we just bought our house in Essex a year ago and I cannot imagine living here without him. 
    I feel lonely.
    I cry every night  and constant blockage in my chest from sadness/wanting to cry feeling is so painful.

    I see him everywhere 

    I love him so much. 

    every night I cry from unknown truth of what future may unfold. 
    I am reaching to an unbearable stage.


  • Hi there thank you so much for your message and I’m so  sorry to read it and to hear what you are going through, sadly three weeks Ago today I lost my darling Justin, he fought  really bravely but he gave up and his body couldn’t take it anymore.. His funeral is this Friday and I’ve been spending the last three weeks trying to get my head around what is happening. There really are no words to describe what we as partners go through when the love of our lives have cancer. There were days where he didn’t seem unwell at all and then there were days when he was really really sick, the last two weeks of his life got too unbearable and in the end he was admitted to hospital but he was made to feel really comfortable and I got to hold his hand all through the night I was in a private room with him and I laid on the floor, he was not alone for one minute. I’ll admit coming back and living in this house without him here is heartbreaking and whilst I don’t want this message to scare you I know it would me if I was reading it, surround yourself with love and support friends and family. Hopefully this won’t happen to you for a long time but when it does it will feel like there is no end to it, I am at the stage where I don’t know when the end is going to be for me and when it will get easier, but I have a good support network around me to lovely cats are lovely home but sadly the love of my life is no longer in it with me,  if there is anything that I can do or you would like to exchange numbers to talk about this then I would be happy to speak to you, maybe it would help us both to share experience and to give each other some comfort. Lovely to speak to you my name is Matthew

  • Hi Matthew 

    thanks for ur msg .

    everything u said above is 100% true and it was dagger in my heart to hear that ur husband passed away . I am very aware that how it could feel. 

    u sounds brave .

    I thought I was brave but living around cancer is totally unexplainable and drained me faster than I thought. 

    My sweetheart peter is the best I ever had and  I fear I will find anyone like him again. 
    sometimes I don’t even know what I am sad for . I don’t want him to suffer . 
    mad u said some days he is well like nothing is happening and some days he is not well. But he is so brave that not a single day he complained about anything. 

    I would love to have u as someone who can talk to only if u find it helps u as well. 
    cuz what u r going through now probably is much harder than what I go through now . Even though that’s where I am heading in the future . 

    thanks Matthew.

  • Hi. I am grieving I’ve lost the love of my life and have his funeral this week and you are someone who is going through something very very similar to me, if it helps to talk to a stranger about it you know where I am, I wish you the best of luck kind regards Matthew