Cancer bride.

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I am supposed to be getting married in early November. I am gender queer but present as feminine. I am marrying a straight guy. I have breast cancer which is at minimum stage 1. I am either getting a bilateral reduction or a mastectomy. I am. Waiting for a second biopsy to figure out if the new tumor they found is also cancer at which point it’s stage 2. They are concerned about lymphnode involvement which could also impact the staging. I am waiting for genetic tests— geneticist gives me a 25% risk for Brca 1/2 and a 25% chance of one of the other 17 genes on the panel. I feel so silly doing the big wedding thing when I wasn’t that fem of a bride and I might not have any original girl parts left when this is over. O I really need some therapy but am from abroad and don’t understand how to get it. The NHS community team takes a few weeks. I can’t afford it privately. I don’t want to go to a crisis center or through the university where I work. I don’t have a Macmillan nurse because my GPS office wouldn’t give me a mammogram when I felt a lump so I am paying privately. Disappointedanxious whatever therapy is available through Macmillan will be too heteronormative or Christian.  Advice appreciated. 

  • Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community

    I'm sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis but congratulations on the forthcoming wedding! I do hope you still go ahead with it as I'm sure your future husband will feel exactly the same about you even if you do have surgery.

    You might like to join the breast cancer group as it'll give you the opportunity to ask questions and learn from the experiences of other people who have been diagnosed with this type of cancer. If you'd like to join clicking on the link I've created will take you directly there.

    Having a cancer diagnosis isn't an easy thing to come to terms with so I can understand your wish to access counselling and you might find this information from Macmillan about who can help you useful. 

    You could also use the In Your Area to see what support services are available close to where you live or work. Just pop in your postcode.

    When you have a minute it would be really useful if could pop something about your journey so far into your profile as it helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.


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  • FormerMember

     I wish you all the best and I hope everything will be good. I know it's not the time for wedding preparations, so I can recommend poptop to hire both a venue and caterers. It's not what you asked for, but I hope it will reduce your worries about the wedding. Good luck!