Gay Mens Widower Groups

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Just wondering if there are any On Line Gay Mens Widower Groups in the UK ?

I would be most grateful to be pointed in the right direction as Im having issues after losing my soul mate of 10 years who I supported financially and loved with all my heart

I lost my wonderful long term partner and husband to be to cancer last Aug 2018, I do not have close family my self for support and have received zero kindness and empathy from my sweethearts family which would brake his heart if he knew how mean they have been. I was not aloud to see him when they took over caring for him 5 months before he passed, they lied about me and tried to turn him against me in the name of God ! Yes you guested it church goers. I was not told the name and address of the hospice the was taken to end of June 2018 when he took a turn for the worse. I was told if I did find out and turned up I would be turned away. After 2 weeks I did find out where he was and sent him numerous gifts including 100 roses non of which he saw. The heart brake took a tole on me and I was taken into hospital 3 times end of July 2018, with stress related illnesses. My husband somehow found out and video called me via Whatsapp and said he was sorry for what his family had done, I signed my self out of hospital and found my way travelling 150 miles to my husband only to be shouted at by his half brother for no reason at all..it was as if he blamed me for cancer....on the 4 occasions I was aloud to see my sweet heart I was not aloud to be with him on my own, more that 30 mins each time, we held hands so tight looked in each others eyes and cried, which his half brother detested and said the most evil comments across the room whilst watch his war films and rock music on the hospice patients tv.

We just wanted to be alone as we planned in a room full of beautiful flowers, cards, music and love. Had we had been married I guess I could have ensured my sweet heart was surrounded by what I gave him for all most 10 years true love.

During my sweethearts final week I was not aloud to see him and hold his hand has we had for 10 years, I was hurting so much and all I did was worry and cry for my soul mate for what his family were doing to him it was all so cruel. I was the last person to be told he had passed on Aug 26th 2018 it destroyed me. I was not invited to the crematorium I was not told the location date nor time, they burnt up my sweetheart without even allowing me to say good bye. Following this I was given a few personal things in a rut sack a fraction of all the lovely things I had bought for him over the years, what broke my heart was the laptop I bought him was return and all of our 1000s home vidoes and selfies of our many holidays, adventures, romantic meals birthdays and beautiful moments we shared were all deleted from the laptops hard drive, which my sweet heart had backed up to Google, however they deleted his emails, mobile, facebook, instagram, linkedin account etc which out my knowledge thus I lost access to our back ups. I will never be able to hear my sweet hearts voice, see him smiling and laughing I can begin to put into words what his family have done to us. Then after all this I have been harassed by email for money and had to seek legal advise to stop this evil behaviour. Im sorry to rattle on but Im in a bit of a mess. I know this cant be normal and feel it would be wise to seek comfort from other gay men who have lost their love as only us gay chaps truly understand gay love, I have tried therapy but it does not work for me....


Any advise would be much appreciated


Cheers guys


Christian

Sorry about my grammar this speak to text app is rather bad

  • Hi Christian, 

    I am so sorry to hear what a terrible time you've had, I can't imagine how hard this all must have been for you at the time or how deeply it is still affecting you.

    I'm not sure I can be of much help but I saw your post was so far unanswered and just wanted to ask if you had heard of Pink Therapy? They have a list of LGBT+ therapists. I see that you have already tried therapy but wondered if trying a different therapist may make a difference. Also I believe they may be able to give you information on the support groups you are seeking?

    www.pinktherapy.com

    I hope this is of some help and at least should bump your post back up so maybe someone else may be able to see it and respond, 

    I wish you all the very best, 

    T

  • Hi Christian

    I hope you don't mind, but I contacted the Macmillan Bereavement Team after reading your post

    Here is their reply ...

    Thank you for your question. I hope you don't mind me popping on here, my name is Jess and I work for the Online Community team.

    Wendy is one of our volunteer experts and has limited time on the site, I noticed your question and thought it best to reach out. It sounds as though you are really worried about this member and I hope I can be of some help.

    They may wish to contact the LGBT Foundation, they have an online service and a helpline. They can go into more details of other online bereavement support networks and if there are local supports to him.

    Alongside this, you could share the Macmillan's Support line, they can look further for local networks of support and can talk through other avenues of counselling. They can be contacted on 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week, 8 am to 8 pm.

    In the meantime, please do signpost them directly to Wendy through here. She aims to respond within 2 working days, this may be delayed as it's coming up to the weekend.

    I hope this has helped, please don't hesitate to contact us directly on community@macmillan.org.uk if you wish to discuss this further.

    Kindest regards,

    Jess

    Andy