Just desserts?

Dear ownedbystaffies

as far as I’m concerned my cancer is a totally random event with no hidden meaning. I have been an atheist all my adult life and if I was going to experience a volte face now would be the time but it hasn’t happened. I have personally found it has eased my burden that I don’t contemplate the whys and wherefores of my situation, but instead adopted  the mindset that stuff happens, some good, some bad. I think the reason people hold on to some of the views you mention is possibly to convince themselves there is a higher power who can influence what is happening to us, but human suffering is universal and indiscriminate and it’s the job of mere mortals to do our best in the here and now to offer comfort and any solutions we have.

For me, it is about comfort and control. The thought that the universe may be entirely random can be a liberating one, but for some people it can be a very scary one. I don’t blame people who adopt a strategy that gives them comfort and control, as humans those are pretty basic needs - the bit that I rail against is when someone’s need for comfort and control negatively affects other people. I have always been an “each to their own” type of person but also a “don’t force your view on me” type of a person too.

Thanks ownerofstaffies for posting in this corner and for posting a really interesting topic. It’s great to get some new activity in here and welcome to all the new joiners too - hope you have the confidence to join in too, from my point of view it’s always great to read about new perspectives.

Greg

and greg777

Thanks for your responses. I agree that it is about our need to believe in a predicable universe, and the idea of having some control. The thought of complete randomness is mindblowing and scarey for many people, but it can be liberating as you say - no blame to be attributed when things go wrong, no karma, a need to just accept and do the best we can with whatever is thrown at us by an uncaring universe. If that randomness was more accepted, it would challenge some dogma about issues such as "deserving" and " undeserving" people for example. Of course people can make poor choices, but so often, as the saying goes " life is what happens while you are making plans". On the other side, it would also follow that those who "make good" are oftenthe recipients of random luck as well as e.g hardworking. Not what our society is prepared to acknowledge very readily. So the myths about, for example, working hard and being rewarded is kept alive because it suits our system to maintain that fiction. In terms of health, of course looking after ourselves in terms of diet etc is a "good thing" but plenty of us on these forums have done that, but cancer found us anyway. And in the cancer realm all that talk of fighting, battling etc leads to the sense of blame if it wins, as we must not have fought hard enough. B*****r that.

Totally with you ownedbystaffies I don’t believe in the phrase of hard work pays off. I was working my butt off pursuing a promotion, and it’s possible the stress caused my cancer to surface. So it’s probably more true to say hard work will kill you off! Myeloma under age 40 is “extremely rare” so I definitely feel a lot of why I got cancer was bad luck - my diet was ok, I was relatively fit, I have never smoked, hardly drink, nobody in my family has any experience of cancer. I tick none of the boxes for getting a blood cancer that mainly affects people in their 70s at the age of 36. If there is a God, they must think pretty badly about me! And then there’s loads of people in much worse situations so what do they think of them!

Things might happen for a reason us humans don’t yet understand but it’s not because of any human-made dogma that is currently out there.

Cheers

Greg

ownedbystaffies  - certainly agree with you about the language surrounding cancer - 'fighting', 'battling', 'beating', 'overcoming' etc.    All very aggressive words that are rarely used with regard to other diseases or conditions.  As you say, the implication can be that the patient hasn't really tried hard enough to survive their cancer.  My mother used to complain about it 25 years ago (she had MM and ticked none of the boxes either) but not much has changed.  I find it particularly difficult as cancer develops from our own body cells and I don't want to fight my own body.   

Hi Rollercoaster ride,

Thanks so much for posting. You are definitely right when it comes to MM - the whole disease is incurable, so every single MM patient knows from Day 1 it can’t be “beaten” or “overcome”. The language sometimes used is certainly not very helpful.

Greg

DearRollercoasterRide

i couldn’t agree more with the unhelpful language surrounding cancer, in my house it’s banned ! However with the general public and acquaintances I have had to learn to smile sweetly and be gracious when I’m on the receiving end of fighting it type,advice. I’m not convinced they actually believe it themselves but instead have a bad case of “ foot in mouth disease “ as I like to call it.

Hi all, I agree so much re the language like fighting/battling cancer.

To my mind, cancer n I live together - as you say, it's my own cells, so why would I fight it?

Hi

I understand the why me argument. Maybe the question should be why not me?  But I don't think you have to be religious to be spiritual. Am I religious? No. Am I spiritual yes. I am scientific and I want ,(no need) to know how things work. But there are things that even science can't understand .to me and my veiw only it's a strong person who does not ask for (,a) god with their last breath . I hope I'm not speaking out of turn and best wishes to all on this site

Manup1

Hi , like u, I'm not religious but am spiritual.

You're not speaking out of turn as far as I'm concerned. In fact, I dislike the fact that the Religion group has kinda hijacked the spirituality element- tho that's down to whoever named the groups...