Glioblastoma Why Why Why <br/>

Dear All

First of all thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers, thinking of you all and especially those who have lost loved ones really helped me get through today.

Well, today the sun was shining as we took our last trip together, it was strange being driven along in the car and seeing everyone going about their daily business, when the world was stopping for me. We got to the crematorium and I was overwhelmed to see the number of people there, we think around 150, certainly standing room only. The service went very well, it was the Methodist funeral service which is very appropriate, the words are lovely. The kids were fantastic throughout, we all cried but we got there. I had been dreading the day but in the end I actually felt quite good about it, I can’t really explain that one, but it felt right somehow. I managed to stand up and give the tribute myself, though I had the minister on standby to take over. We had a violinist friend play a solo piece which was very fitting, but I was glad that was after the tribute and not before, as violins will always make me cry!

So now we enter a time that will be even more difficult I think. Although we knew the end was coming, nothing can really prepare you for it, I thought I was prepared, but really I wasn’t. Now everyone wants to look after me but I really need some time to myself.

I hope everyone’s as well as can be.

Joan, hoping your results are good, hang in there.

Ravi, if you are reading, sincere condolences on your loss of BJ, I will always remember the honesty of your posts.

Becca, please don’t worry about mixing the dates – you have enough to think of. Will be thinking of you all tomorrow as you say your goodbyes, keep strong, you have come so far.

Christie, I hope you are ok, and that your temperature comes down. Mums will always worry about everything. You are wonderful, keep it up!

Diane xxx

Hi everyone

Diane so lovely to hear from you and glad today was such a fitting tribute to your lovely husband Patrick, it must have been so hard for you and the kids but you guys have been amazing, I hope you don't leave the site but completely understand if you have to for a little while but it would be so nice if you were around to chat to. x

Christie - Hope your temp goes down poor you, also hope your headaches get better soon too x

Becca - Will be thinking of you so much tomorrow, it was lovely what Martyn said on the other thread eh, I was crying when I read it, he is such a lovely guy to write something so meaningful and sweet, here for you anytime hun give my love to all your lovely family and I wish you all the strength in the world to get thru tomorrow. x

Lesley pal how are you? how is your Dad this week? Hope you have plenty eyes in the back of your head now that Joe is crawling hope little Amber doing ok too. x

Gayle - Hope all ok for you, I heard it was Sunny in Ayrshire today had a text from my pal Leah she down at Craigtara with Aimee and her fella and texted me saying she had been at some sort of farm park today and it was really nice, Aimee had her photo taken with the bears etc last year she was screaming and told her Auntie Lane she did not like the tiger!! x

Emma - Hope your doing ok and the girls too, its always lovely to hear from you and read your posts. x

Carrie - How is work etc, hope your still trying to get by must be hard x

Grantsnana - I know how you feel we all hate this GBM so much.

Well folks things more or less just the same my end, Mum sleeping a fair but but still eating away, last night her head was to one side as she was so weak but when I have just left her the now the nurses have her nice and comfortable and she looks so peaceful, I sat and held her hand and rubbed it with some country music on in the background as she fell asleep so sad but so nice .................

I woke up feeling really dizzy today, Scott did not want me to go to work but it was my turn to take the management team minutes so I went, I did say a week or so that I would not be able to concentrate to take them but amazingly I was ok and they did not last for long, I spoke to my boss previously who was there and told him (he knows how Mum is) he has to take notes too and help me with them which he was fine about, I am not sleeping at night and think thats why I felt so dizzy and shattered I fall asleep but I waken up thinking I am just dreaming about mum being ill and I can see her walking with me in somewhere like Menorca or something and its so a real feeling, I am going to make a doc appointment to get my blood pressure checked and maybe get a little help for sleeping, I have not cried since Monday which is good for me these days!

I had a lovely text this morning on the way to work from my lovely friend Jane who set up we talk brain tumour thread, she moves house soon and she said that she is sad she is leaving the life she shared with Brian behind but so glad she is not in the place I am the now and I wrote back to her saying that I agree so much as this time the now is so hard watcing my lovely angel deteriorate, she has been in bed now since last Monday, her chest is a little better but very tired, her mac nurse actually said to me last week when I broke down to her that my grieving process is the now, and she is right I have grieved for the last two years that Mum has this awful illness, she is coming back out tomorrow and she said to Dad today that Mum's steriods will probably be increased again to see if that makes any improvement to her, I am off work tomorrow as its my day off as I only work a 9 day fortnight so its good I will be there to keep Dad right as poor soul sometimes he gets so uptight about everything medication etc, so I am going to have a lazy day spending it with Mum and Dad then my darling husband is playing bowls at nite so I might go and watch him for a little while as everyone keeps telling me that life has to go on ............ somedays I wish it would go back the way instead of forwards .............

Goodnight folks Lorraine xx

Evening friends

Diane, glad everything went so well for you today, you have done an amazing job over the past 2 years, your tribute to your darling husband is very touching, my heart aches for you and the kids, you will all find the strength from somewhere over the next part of your sad jouney love to you all. xxx

Becca, I will be thinking of you and your lovely family tomorrow, love to you all. xxx

Christie, hope you feel better. xx

DianeJ, hope your daughter gets on good with her exams. xx

Lesley, hope your all ok in the capital. xxx

Lorraine, hope that you enjoy your day off tomorrow with your lovely parents, hope things improve for you, I know your going through a hard time at the moment, love to you and your family xx ps bradley bear, roary the tiger and anxious the elephant thats the Craig tara gang.

Joan, hope all went well for you and David today, thinking of you. xxx

Julie, hope things went well for you and Stephen too. xx

Emma, Carrie, Jay, Michael and everyone else thinking of you all.

Tomorrow we are off to the caravan for the long weekend, I shall be thinking of you all.

love Gayle. xxx

Enjoy your time at the caravan Gayle, no doubt I will hear all about Bradley Bear etc once little Aimee returns home from the caravan she was up on my knee last week going thru the Haven book to find the bear and the tiger and the monkey as she knows how much her Auntie Lane loves the monkeys.

Well folks again its great not having work to go to today, just gonna take it easy and chill out a bit and spend some quality time with Mum aswell as doing house chores etc you all know the script.

Becca - You will be in my thoughts all day love, wish you and your family all the strength poss to get thru today.

The sun is shining in Fife today so I feel a tad happier ......... still so scared of the months ahead though ....

Love to each and everyone of you Lorraine xx

The sun is shining here in the US and the day has started out beautifully. Diane, Becca and all the others, God bless and those of us in America pray for you all. This ugly old beast is taking it's toll here as well. We just learned that a dear friend's 10 year old only child has been diagnosed. This is very rare for a young child and the very, very sadder news is that it has been found in his litttle lungs as well. This demon doesn't play favorites does it? To have your only child with the monster inside is almost more than I can fathom.

Our first 3 days of 300 mg temodar has gone without any problem. Hubby is on the golf course today. He will be taking our oldest son and our 4 year old grandson on a fishing outing on Saturday. The boat is all set and ready to go. They are so excited. Our 4 year old will also be starting to play tee ball ( that is the "little" guys version of baseball here in the US) in June. His Poppy is so thrilled that he will get to see the little guy on the baseball field because our whole family love the game and little man is so very excited. Even with the troubles we face, it seems that a child can truly make them seem less ominous and sad. We just must stay focused on the great good we are experiencing and pray for those that are heartbroken today with their loss.

I will continue to pray for all.