Judy

I am so pleased you are home and continuing to do well, I would not introduce any medication other than what your team has prescribed, you will need to let things settle down first, just try to rest and take gentle exercise for now, I always say this but time is your best friend now so use it to get strong again.  

Steve x

Hi everyone, I have been absent for a few weeks. It has been great to hear all the news, some fantastic from Mike and Liz, some trickier to get your head around. Anyway, I am after advice. How many post op became depressed? I am typing and crying now as I can even tell myself I am about as low as I have been. It is almost 1 year since I was told I would die in 6 -12 months - I spat in their eye and proved them wrong, I fought for hard core chemo, an op and radio on top. I am waiting for a scan date to see if all gone now but don't feel the same person. I am scared of food and the way it makes me feel and have lost all the weight I piled on before the op and a bit more. I cry at everything and anything. I lack some focus somehow without a fight. 

I have nothing to be sad about really, a good man, a good son, a home and a future (I hope) but for some reason I feel scared and just 'not me'. I still get tired and ache around the side where the op was. 

Am I normal or just a right old baby? I have had what many want here - the op and a fighting chance and yet I am a state.

Charlotte

Hi, Hey you are onlu human and have fought so hard this is just one of those hiccups everyone gets, sorry but you are normal if normal is superwoman who has fought the demon for so long.

talk to your mac nurse or GP about how you feel, have you had a treat lately to pick you up? Take deep breaths and focus on your lovely family and i am sure your resolve will return slowly.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hug))))))))))))))))))))))))) love leisha xxx

Thanks Leisha

I spoke to Mac nurse and had a cry. She was not surprised said I had held tough for almost too long and was bound to fall over sooner or later!

Made an appointment for me at my docs (they had told me I could not get one for a week) tomorrow and suggested I go in and have a cry on my fav doc who would have been briefed by her as he was at the hospice where she was based this afternoon (gosh Mac nurses earn their money and are wonderful). So I imagine I will leave with a few happy pills to even me out for a bit - no shame in that. Funny how when you have no 'fight' on your hands you flop completely. Thanks so much.

C

X

Charlotte

I had a similar feelings, while I was in survival mode I could cope more easy as my adrenaline was pumping, after the treatment I had bouts of depression, the many months of having to face your own mortality puts a strain on your survival systems and as the pressure comes off you can hit an all time low. Don't expect a quick fix with the medication on offer as you won't proberly feel any benefit for around 6 weeks; I did not wait that long for the medication to kick in and binned them and started writing instead which helped get the feelings of doubt out of my head and concentrated on achieving normality. The fact you are having trouble eating and therefore maintaining weight will make you feel weak as if you are constantly punching above your weight or running just to stand still, it's normal considering what our bodies have had to endure, don't expect too much it is still early days, just because you have a couple of good days does not mean you have hit the finising line it just means you are getting closer to it.

Take care

Steve x 

Hey Mike

You are one of the miracle's that we all hope and pray for ourselves and our loved ones!  Thanks for sharing your story again - proof that whatever the docs say, there SOOOOO ARE exceptions - keep fighting all, it could be you!!!

Julie ss

Hi Charlotte

Can I just say how amazing you are!!!  You have dealt with so much, at such a young age and all with the fight and positivity that most would struggle to find.  I think you need to give yourself a little break though, I defy anyone to get through all that you have without having the feelings you are having now, at some point in the recovery process. You have done the best thing possible talking to your Mac Nurse - great that she has come up trumps for you (as they so often do) and hope your doc is able to help you further.  I personally have cried buckets over the last year and actually think its a good thing to do as it releases all that pent up tension, worry and fear (also took up the offer of weekly Mac counselling, which I have also found incredibly helpful and can really recommend).  Keep smiling til it reaches your eyes again Charlotte (it will, I promise).  Julie xxx 

Hi Judy

It’s great that your surgery went well and that you’re back home in recovery.  As I said on your other post, just do exactly as your body tells you, resting frequently but getting outside for small walks each day if you can manage it.  I’ve always said on various postings on this site that the real recovery begins at home.  You’re doing really well so far and I hope it continues like that until you reach your new normal.  You know that we’re all here for you though if you have any worries or concerns.

Love and Hugs

Crystal xx

Hi Charlotte

What you’re experiencing is something that quite a few people go through after this surgery.  It’s like an after-shock where suddenly you realise the seriousness of what happened and the major trauma that not only you body has been through, but the impact that your hard battle has on your mind.  Confronting survival issues, which you did and we all did for many months, eventually leaves us feeling drained of spirit and feeling emotional in various ways.  For me it wasn’t depression but a constant feeling of euphoria, followed by anger and then back to feeling euphoric again.  This was incredibly draining, as well as being erratic and destructive, but eventually, just as your depression will, it slowly dissipated until I was left with a body that was mending nicely and a mind that knew it had a lot to be pleased and proud about.  So, seek all the help you can or need and you will get over this.  Just keep telling yourself how well you’ve done, because you have.

Lots of Love

Crystal xx

Hi Steve and thanks ...

I keep on to him to join this group but he does,nt like computers..

But he read what you wrote and said it made him feel better knowing all this is normal well not normal but you know what i mean.. that others have gone through the same too....We are going to get some Zantac tomorrow so he can give them a try...and said he will try the breathing exercise..

I will let you know how he gets on with the zantac...

Hugs Cally x