hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hi Jayne-- thanks so much for your post to me.You lifted my spirits and made me see that how i'm feeling is normal,and pretty much along the same lines as how the rest of you have felt at various times.You're a brilliant contact to have,and i can't thank you enough for the encouraging words that you have written to me.i think having someone who knows how it feels saying "hey-it's ok.we've all been there" helps so much.if i talk to hubby his idea of help is to remind me just how much i have got going for me,and he's right,but he doesn't really understand how much it hurts because it's not happened to him.I feel he's saying "get over it-Life goes on" which of course it does, but it isn't something that you can "get over" and being reminded that you still have a loving family doesn't in any way replace the intense feelings of loss that we feel.Only someone who has experienced it can fully understand.A very important part of my life has been taken from me.if it had happened due to old age i could have accepted it,but she should still be here.she should never have gotten cancer-she didnt drink,she didnt smoke,and she was such a kind,good person.however,as we all know,cancer isnt selective in that way.it doesn't target the people who could do with learning some of the hard lessons that a cancer diagnosis teaches you.It takes all sorts of people from all walks of life,and the ones that learn the lessons are those of us that are left behind.I do believe that being touched by something like this can serve to make us better people,if we let it.We learn to appreciate life and each other and to value those things too.
So much that you say makes sense Jayne,and i have to thank you for taking the time to help me and others,when you are also struggling with your loss.I'm sure i will feel brighter tomorrow,but if i don't,then maybe the day after.The darker moments will pass for all of us,but for a while yet i guess we do have to accept that they may also return,and sometimes when we're least expecting them.i still believe that in the initial stages the passing of time makes the loss seem worse,and not better,but after we've had long enough to come to terms with that,then things will doubtless settle.Louise knows how long it can take,and the fact that she can post her feelings on here is a big help to all of us.We cant expect to get through this quickly.Our parents are just too important to us,and having had them around for years,we cant suddenly adjust to them not being here.Lots of love to you Jayne.Catch u another day.XXXXXXX
Yes, I can relate totally to these feelings too. I remember being asked to go away for a few days last summer and didn’t want to go. To me it was just so wrong. Why??-because I could still do these things and my parents couldn’t!! ( mad!!)
I still hate going away, in fact I try to avoid the anxiety of it all, but I don’t think it’s the “unfaithful” feeling anymore (on the other hand maybe it is!!!)
im so sorry you too are having a tough time, but what you said to jayne is so true our parents are too important to us and thats what makes it all the harder isnt it?
i hope you are feeling a bit brighter, and hope you have a better day tomorrow,
my thoughts are with you marie, speak soon, lots of love and a big hug to you, karen xxx
Karen-Hi.Just a quick line to say that my boys have both told me that i've been moody,snappy and bad tempered since my mum died.The eldest said to me a couple of weeks ago that i'm "always stressy" .I hadn't really appreciated just how i have been coming across.I guess that hubby understands why,which is why he hadnt said anything,but when i asked him about it he agreed with the boys and said that i have become very intolerant and actually a little irrational!!! That did nothing to improve my mood,i can tell you! but-- you're not alone.Its going to take lots of time Karen.Don't make yourself feel bad because of what's happening to you.Keep posting on here,and please dont worry that you're bringing the rest of us down.It's actually comforting to know that others are fighting with their emotions-it can help us to realise that we can get through it.I'm sending you my very best wishes.lots of love,marie XXXXXX
Crikey you lot!!! i know what Jayne means!!! everytime i type a post you lot have put on loads more!!! Its nice to all be here together.Some nights its very quiet,and a little bit lonely,but we cant say that tonight can we!!!!?
thanks for your message, your boys are saying to you just what mine are saying to me, i bet what was said didnt help you at all bless ya!! i darent ask my hubby what he thinks of my moods etc., but i know i would get an answer that i wouldnt like so i wont bother!!
i think sometimes why cant he (hubby) be more understanding and realise what im going through, but then how can he? he cant fully understand, he loved my parents but at the end of the day there not his parents are they? and hes not as close with his.
i do hope you have a brighter day tomorrow, speak to you soon, lots of love karen xxx
Its good to hear from you.And you're not moaning at all, just expressing how you feel.Its so strange that everyone seems to be feeling worse.I wish I knew why that was.The only thing I can think of is that it must just be a normal feeling.We can't all be wrong can we?Perhaps the reality of it all has just finally hit us.I don’t know what to think.I can remember when my Dad passed, I actually felt worse when I reached his first anniversary, I think it was because I had no dates to compare to, I couldn’t say ‘this time last year this, or this time last year that’, there was just nothing, and I felt worse.When I told Mum, she said she felt the same.But then things gradually got a little better.I know this is not the case for you at the moment because its been no where near a year yet, but I'm just trying to explain that these things take time and none of us know how we are going to feel from one day to the next let alone one week or one month.I don’t think we can do anything about it Karen, we just have to ride through it and get by as best we can.I don’t think you should even try to understand why you feel you have gone so far down hill.The only thing I will say is, if you're at the bottom of a hill, where else is there to go??The only way is up!!(that would make a good song title wouldn’t it??!!), sorry, don’t mean to be flippant, but you know what I'm saying don’t you?Things will get better for all of us.I hope you very soon feel better Karen, I'm usually here during the day time if you want to talk, please don’t stay away, we will only shout at you.Come back soon, take care, love jayne xxx
Interview went ok. Back is about the same. Thanks for askingxxx
i will come and speak to you tomorrow, its true what marie said that you are always here for everyone even though you are trying to deal with your losses as well, i appreciate your support so much thank you!!
i hope you get the job you went for, and sorry your back isnt any better.
im going to bed now to try and get some sleep, hope you have a good nights sleep too, speak to you tomorrow,
and once again thanks for your support, you are wonderful!!!!!!
